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Original poster

DH (48) following 18-25 year old random women on social media

53 replies

Usernameless16 · 30/03/2023 11:26

I just feel disgusted with him. 60ish accounts on his instagram and Twitter account with young, attractive women. Some naked, some just posting photos in low cut tops etc, and some just attractive women he obviously likes the look of. Not all of them big accounts, so I’m sure they would have noticed his follow notification pop up.

I rarely use my Instagram, and logged in for the first time in years to find this shit a few months ago. I have tried to move on and forgive him, but I’m just increasingly angry. He was very sorry and deleted it all without being asked, but still, I find him pathetic.

Am I overreacting? I feel like leaving him. Given me the creeps that he is clearly wanking/lusting after young women 30 years younger than him.

He says he wasn’t trying to start anything with any of them, but why follow them if he wasn’t trying to create a connection and get their attention?

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 30/03/2023 11:33

Hard to tell without knowing more about your relationship.

Are you overreacting by thinking of leaving him over this - if you have a generally good marriage? Obviously.

But of course - If you are unhappy, there is no intimacy, no communication, your H isn’t pulling his weight, and instead spending his time on social media looking at young women - this could be just a last drop.

DelphiniumBlue · 30/03/2023 11:34

Very creepy. I would think twice about staying with such a charmer.

Original poster
Usernameless16 · 30/03/2023 11:39

Our marriage was ok (or so I thought) he had a lack of interest in sex, but it now appears he actually just had a lack of interest in me 😞

We have been busy raising the kids, work etc, but had regular date nights and talked and laughed. I just don’t understand his actions.

OP posts:
winterbegone · 30/03/2023 11:40

You are not over reacting, it's creepy and disrespectful to you. Unfortunately most men do this to some degree, and will gaslight you with some pathetic excuse.

Choconut · 30/03/2023 12:39

While him following half naked young women on SM is pathetic, surely nobody thinks that 48 men fantasise about almost 50 year old women? I mean I'm a 48 year old woman and I'm not fantasising about 50 year old men. I wouldn't be interested in dating younger men - but that's the joy of fantasy right? It's not reality. In my fantasies I can be 25 again too!

MMmomDD · 30/03/2023 12:50

I think - rather than losing interest in you, your marriage fell into the usual rut. Work, kids, getting older, daily drudgery, sex becoming a chore. It happens very very often. Who knows - maybe his testosterone started falling as it happens with age. Or he is feeling low about aging in general.
In parallel - your hormones are most likely fluctuating too.
So he goes looking for pictures online - possibly for a bit of fantasy, possibly to see if he still feels anything.
And boom.

Btw - if these pictures actually revived his libido - you’d be seeing an increase of intimacy. Men are simple creatures. And most grown would prefer actual sex to just looking at pictures.

In your place - I’d use this an an opportunity to open up a dialogue to see what is happening in your relationship. This isn’t about following accounts. It’s about you as a couple.

Pinkbonbon · 30/03/2023 12:59

I think the 'i wasn't trying to start anything with them...' would put me off more. Does he think a 20 year old would jump at the chance to 'start something' with a man I'm his 60s?

Reminds me of those shows about the online con artists pretending to be young beautiful women and daft old men paying them there life savings because they genuinely think Shirly, 19, Student, from Washington dc is in love with their crinkly old ass.

Pinkbonbon · 30/03/2023 13:00

*their life savings

BeExcellent2EachOther · 30/03/2023 13:04

Do you have daughters?

Have you asked him how he'd feel if middle aged men were following their Instagram accounts?

Would he be fine with it, or would he think they were pervs?

Is he going to progress from following young ladies on social media to following them around shops, down the street, to their homes? Does he recognise that he's the equivalent of the men who do this? The creepy men who wank in public when they see a pretty young girl walk past? That's basically him, but he's wanking at home to the young girl on the screen instead of in public.

That girl is still real though, she still exists and she's not just there for his sexual gratification, just as his daughter(s) - if you have them - will potentially have men wanking over their social media accounts.

Instead of having a grown up sexual relationship with his adult wife, he's choosing to have imaginary sexual relationships with girls young enough to be his daughters and his hand.

Delightful, not.

SallyWD · 30/03/2023 13:18

I'm probably going against the grain but I just feel men (of all ages) are always going to fancy young, fertile women. They're hardwired to want to have sex with them. Of course they can still love and fancy older women too (particularly their wives!). I mean the whole reason we have sexual desire is to make us reproduce. It's why most men won't wank over an 80 year old. Yes it's an unpleasant thought to think of older men desiring young women but it always has been and always will be the case.

PoppyCocky · 30/03/2023 13:19

Is your issue their age or that he is following soft porn random women?

Deathbyfluffy · 30/03/2023 13:19

That's pretty disgusting - I would be upset if my wife did similar with blokes.

InBedBy10 · 30/03/2023 13:20

I think its extreme to be considering ending your relationship and blowing up your children's lives over this.

Yes it's pathetic but all men look. Its naive to think they don't.

MN is full of people advising posters to end their relationships over any slight. Please don't listen to them. In the real world I highly doubt they'd do the same. Most probably aren't even in relationships.

Pinkbonbon · 30/03/2023 13:34

SallyWD · 30/03/2023 13:18

I'm probably going against the grain but I just feel men (of all ages) are always going to fancy young, fertile women. They're hardwired to want to have sex with them. Of course they can still love and fancy older women too (particularly their wives!). I mean the whole reason we have sexual desire is to make us reproduce. It's why most men won't wank over an 80 year old. Yes it's an unpleasant thought to think of older men desiring young women but it always has been and always will be the case.

I don't think it's fair to restrict that to men. I'm 34 and I find young men attractive. I wouldn't date them as we have nothing in common. But if a hot young 20 year old started hitting on me I'd be chuffed. And absolutely try get a cheeky snog out of it. Hell, life is short, its worth the friend judgement in the morning xD

The difference is, many men seem to expect a 20 year old would still find them an attractive prospect, right through into old age. It's bizarre. They also feel entitled to visibly leer at them even when they have wives apparently.

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 30/03/2023 13:55

I think the main issue here is that he's willingly sacrificed a real intimate relationship with his wife, for imaginary sexual thrills with women half his age (or less).

Does he recognise that the drop off in his sexual relationship with you coincides with the increase in time he spends following youngsters on Instagram and if so, what does he plan to do about it?

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 30/03/2023 13:57

Seriously sleazy

I wonder what he would think of a man this age was to "follow" his daughter?

Original poster
Usernameless16 · 30/03/2023 14:35

I think the thing that grossed me out is the fact these young women are young enough to be his daughter. Just gives me creepy older man vibes.

OP posts:
LooseGoose22 · 30/03/2023 14:38

He says he wasn’t trying to start anything with any of them

Lol a nearly 50 yr old man would be very unlikely to have the slightest chance of starting anything with them; unless it's a sugar baby arrangement!

Original poster
Usernameless16 · 30/03/2023 14:40

I suppose over the years I have raised the issue of lack of sex, and I got confronted with defensiveness. So to find out he had sexual urges and didn’t give me attention hurts.

I am 12 years younger than him, and I wrongly assumed it was his age.

In answer to the question regarding so we have daughters - yes, we do. And he would hate men 30 years older than her hitting on her when she got older, I know he would.

He doesn’t think the behavior is creepy, but is ashamed.

We had an argument about a week after I discovered it, and I asked to see his phone. I never asked to see his phone in over a decade together.

He had wiped the whole phone and deleted Watsapp and his search history. Yet he says he had nothing to hide and just panicked.

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LooseGoose22 · 30/03/2023 14:42

Btw - if these pictures actually revived his libido - you’d be seeing an increase of intimacy. Men are simple creatures. And most grown would prefer actual sex to just looking at pictures.

I wouldn't agree with that at all

Some men actually prefer wanking over porn and social media to having sex with their partners.

And if they move from porn and SM to interactive cam sex stuff, even more so.

LooseGoose22 · 30/03/2023 14:44

I am 12 years younger than him

Well that fits.

I don't know why women get into relationships with men a decade or more older than them and are then surprised they're creepy and like young women.

Ask yourself why he didn't get with a woman his own age or closer to his own age, like lots of men do.

LooseGoose22 · 30/03/2023 14:44

He had wiped the whole phone and deleted Watsapp and his search history. Yet he says he had nothing to hide and just panicked.

🙄

LooseGoose22 · 30/03/2023 14:47

Deleted WhatsApp??!!

What's WhatsApp, a messaging app, got to do with him following young women on Instagram etc.?

Why would he feel the need to delete a messaging app?

Oh and I believe you can restore WhatsApp messages if you reinstall it. Id be doing that privately if you have access to his phone.

ladygindiva · 30/03/2023 14:50

Choconut · 30/03/2023 12:39

While him following half naked young women on SM is pathetic, surely nobody thinks that 48 men fantasise about almost 50 year old women? I mean I'm a 48 year old woman and I'm not fantasising about 50 year old men. I wouldn't be interested in dating younger men - but that's the joy of fantasy right? It's not reality. In my fantasies I can be 25 again too!

I fantasise about Daniel Day Lewis and multiple other 50 plus men regularly, speak for yourself!

Original poster
Usernameless16 · 30/03/2023 14:51

I made him reinstall Watsapp, but couldn’t find anything incriminating on there.

He started to get twitchy and defensive about me looking through his phone after a while and asked to see my phone, so something was bothering him.

He will only confess to what I can prove, but I doubt me finding his pervy social media accounts is the only thing now.

OP posts: