DH (48) following 18-25 year old random women on social media

[Usernameless16]

I just feel disgusted with him. 60ish accounts on his instagram and Twitter account with young, attractive women. Some naked, some just posting photos in low cut tops etc, and some just attractive women he obviously likes the look of. Not all of them big accounts, so I’m sure they would have noticed his follow notification pop up.

I rarely use my Instagram, and logged in for the first time in years to find this shit a few months ago. I have tried to move on and forgive him, but I’m just increasingly angry. He was very sorry and deleted it all without being asked, but still, I find him pathetic.

Am I overreacting? I feel like leaving him. Given me the creeps that he is clearly wanking/lusting after young women 30 years younger than him.

He says he wasn’t trying to start anything with any of them, but why follow them if he wasn’t trying to create a connection and get their attention?

The fact he wiped his whole phone screams guilty to me. He has had something to hide to do that unfortunately 😣My heart goes out to you. I see so many similar posts on her. Of loyal married women & their husbands are just dick heads. It’s unfair. I wish I had better advice. If I’ve even given advice at all. Sorry you’re going through this.

I think it's normal for people to be attracted to other people, but for me following softcore porn accounts of them is just sleazy and gross. I'm young, and when I found my partner following accounts like that, even though they were the same age range as us it really gave me the creeps to be honest. Didn't end the relationship over it but definitely put me off him for quite some time. Imo it's disgusting for an older man to be lusting over the barely legal.

Yuck. I to find him pathetic. That would dry me up for life.

My DH is 54 and follows a glamour model in her 20s, doesn't seem to be aware that you can make your insta private so that your wife or mum can't see what you're looking at, and uses his work email address as his username 😅

@GirlySwot73 🤣

Yes, agree Jacketspudtunamayo.

Why delete everything if there is nothing to hide? He tried to make out his phone auto deletes search history 🙄

He must think I am stupid.

So rather than telling me the truth, he leaves me wondering what he is exactly hiding.

Do people use Watsapp for cheating cam girls? I really don’t have any idea what he could have been using it for. He told me he just sent Messages to his friends and parents on it.

I made him reinstall Watsapp, but couldn’t find anything incriminating on there.

I think he's have to have opted to restore messages during/after installation though ... If he deleted any messages.

He tried to make out his phone auto deletes search history

Only if he set it up to, you'd imagine.

Do people use Watsapp for cheating cam girls?

I don't know. I thought they just used the interface on the website, but I'm not sure.

I think the main issue in your relationship is lack of sex over the years - which clearly damaged your connection. Made you unhappy and resentful.
I am guessing he probably had an age related decline in his libido, or a medical issue that he was/is too ashamed to address. And everything else - his defensiveness, etc - has stemmed from that.
But - the reason doesn’t matter anymore. The main question is really - what you want to happen?
Do you want him to try to address his libido issues and you two to work on your marriage - or is it too late for you?

Following Instagram accounts - is really just a red herring here. People fine younger people attractive. Study often study shows the same results - men (of all ages) find women in their early/mid20s most sexuality attractive. Makes evolutionary sense as it’s the most fertile age.
Doesn’t mean men of all ages actually chase, or have relationships with younger women.
As to it being creepy, and not wanting our daughters to be hit on by older men. SM of that sort isn’t for hitting on people, it’s to generate traffic. Those accounts have public access for a reason. It works both ways.

Instead of doing forensic accounting on his phone - in your place I’d try to figure out what I really wanted to happen.

I agree with this.

I get that men find you get women attractive. I have no issue with that.

But there’s a line between glancing when walking down a street when you notice an attractive woman, and actively following 18 year olds flashing their breasts or you are following purely because you find them attractive.

He isn’t a walking 🍆, but a person that should have respect for the woman he married.

Men are just such a disappointing bunch of creatures.

How is any woman supposed to trust them, nevermind love them and risk building a life with them?
It doesn’t make any sense…

OP - not everybody would assume that following Instagram accounts is a show of disrespect.
In my relationship - where we don’t have issues with intimacy - I don’t care what my partner follows or watches. Porn, for eg also doesn’t bother me. And i don’t think he has a right to police what I look at online.

But with your general feeling that he isn’t attracted to you - this all becomes yet more data point. And maybe it is.

But I keep coming back to - what do you want happen beyond venting about it?

This.
The OPs DH obviously likes them young.

The instagram thing is most likely just his wank bank, nothing more to it.

SM of that sort isn’t for hitting on people, it’s to generate traffic.

Some pll, mostly women have Instagram and FB accounts linked to only fans accounts etc.

FB is also notorious for people stalkimh people, looking at their photos, messaging them sometimes.

So this is not true at all

The former, of course, is monetised. The young women are communicating or sharing further photos without payment.

But anyway, op is not even assuming he's hitting on them, the searching them out and following their accounts is icky and creepy enough.

*The young women are not communicating or sharing further photos without payment.

*I get that men find you get women attractive. I have no issue with that.

But there’s a line between glancing when walking down a street when you notice an attractive woman, and actively following 18 year olds flashing their breasts or you are following purely because you find them attractive.*

I agree.

And 60 is quite a hobby.

And it sounds like he's worried you'd find other stuff.

And as a younger poster upthread had pointed out, most young women wouldn't even be happy with their partner doing this, even with women around their age!

I'd hazard a guess most men wouldn't be either!!

Agree, Goose. People use social media to hit on people all the time. Hence the term ‘ slide into their DMs’.

He was following a few women who have Only Fans accounts, so they obviously use other platforms such as Instagram to drum up business.

I do feel a person who is proactively seeking out other people they find attractive is showing they have the potential to take things further given an opportunity.

And what about the other side of the coin?

The young women themselves.

Do the majority of young women want to date, to have sex with, have relationships with, have kids with significantly older men?

If they have free will and no financial incentive or coercion or any other factor?

We all know the answer to that. And that actually matters. A well adjusted person knows it and adjusts their behaviour accordingly. Searching out and following SM accounts of 60 of them does not reflect a well adjusted person.

*Do the majority of young women want to date, to have sex with, have relationships with, have kids with significantly older men?

And worth pointing out that their inclinations and decisions do not happen in a vacuum. They are surrounded by young men in their prime at school, college, uni sports clubs, youth clubs, church youth clubs, hobbies, part time work, street corners (!) Etc etc ... Their peers.

And older men don't fit into their peer group/zeitgeist either. I remember one girl at uni dating a not much older man and tbh he was joke to our group. It was all just rubbing and joking and banter about him Everyone else was dating their peers.

*ribbing

This reminds me of ppl citing research that men on old all want 20.somethings regardless of their age..... But never mentioning the likeihood of an average 40, 50, 60 etc something man actually pulling a 20.something woman! They can want whatever the fuck they want; but that doesn't mean they actually have a chance of getting it.

I think seeing one of them pursuing that, even if they don't contact the young women makes you think they're delusional/pathetic/cringy etc.

(I find young women dating significantly older men only really happens when money is a factor or the man has "game/overconfidence/blarney" etc and the woman is maybe a bit vulnerable. Or they might do it for an experience but it doesn't last).