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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not heard from DP today

70 replies

roseyposeydimple · 26/03/2023 16:28

I know on first reading my heading it might sound like neediness but dp and I been together 3 years and always message each other first thing, last thing and regular contact/ phone calls etc during the day, even when we’re at work.We live couple hours apart
We last spoke yesterday night on messenger. Was usual chat, jokiness , flirtiness etc

Today I sent a good morning message but not heard anything from him all day. He’s not even read my message.
His messenger account showing inactive since last night but he’s been active on Whattsapp an hour ago. If anything is wrong he would usually message me so I don’t think anything is wrong from that point of view.

Am I right to feel disrespected and taken for granted ?It doesn’t take much to say send a quick hello.
I’m feeling quite upset at the moment
because this has not happened before.Just no one to talk to about it so posting here to see what you lovely mumsnetters think?
Am I being silly and over reacting ?

OP posts:
JoanThursday1972 · 26/03/2023 16:31

Have you actually called?

RedDoughnut · 26/03/2023 16:32

Phone him?
Visit?

Amipreg1 · 26/03/2023 16:32

I would ring him to make sure he's ok.

Xarrie · 26/03/2023 16:33

Call him

callthataspade · 26/03/2023 16:34

Call him. If it's massively out of the ordinary for you guys I don't think that's unreasonable.

Train007 · 26/03/2023 16:35

Phone him 🤷‍♀️

Hbh17 · 26/03/2023 16:35

This is just exhausting to read..... the poor guy maybe just needs a day to himself?

jelly79 · 26/03/2023 16:36

Taken for granted feels a bit extreme OP

Hope he is ok, just call him

MichelleScarn · 26/03/2023 16:38

So not active on messenger, but active on WhatsApp, have you contacted him on that? Or like pp have said... tried calling him?

JennyDarlingRIP · 26/03/2023 16:40

Maybe he's busy? You last communicated with him less than 24 hours ago

CannonCaboodle · 26/03/2023 16:41

You feel taken for granted? Why?

letthatmango · 26/03/2023 16:43

I actually think you have every right to be upset.

I agree I’d call him. But it does feel off to me if this is not normal behaviour from him.

MishaBukvic · 26/03/2023 16:44

On the face of it, getting this upset because you haven't heard from them in 24 hours is a little extreme... but.... its probably change in behaviour/ habits that's standing out.

If you message every morning without fail,, and suddenly now no morning message- it stands out.
I was seeing a guy and we had the same habit of sending a good morning message every single day but one day it just stopped and his interactions changed and within a week I was blocked and ghosted.

Oopsiedaisyy · 26/03/2023 16:48

Yeah, I'd be worried about him, but more perhaps he was ill rather than he'd changed his mind about us. But then again my partner is very straight forward about his emotions

slowquickstep · 26/03/2023 16:53

Be a grown up and phone him, he is your boyfriend after all.

Original poster
roseyposeydimple · 26/03/2023 16:55

I phoned earlier .. on messenger and on phone but no reply.
Called on messenger just now and he answered, appeared to be mopping his floor. I’m at work so only saw him for 30 sec then I had to go.
Yes it’s not the lack of contact … it’s the apparent behaviour change.
Thanks everyone, I’ll speak to him again later

OP posts:
amylou8 · 26/03/2023 16:57

I have a similar pattern of contact with my partner. We live 2 hours apart. I'd be seriously concerned by now if I hadn't heard from him today as this is not normal for us. If I'd tried different numbers, emails etc and still couldn't get a reply I'd have been in the car and on my way over there by now.

WatieKatie · 26/03/2023 17:06

In a long term relationship like you enjoy OP, behaviour changes like you are experiencing with your DP are worrying, I would feel the same.

The only think you can do is raise it when you next speak and see what he says. That said, now you know that he’s safe, I would wait for him to message/call.

Watchkeys · 26/03/2023 17:38

I think I'd wait a bit to get more information before jumping to the 'I'm being disrespected' conclusion. Maybe something's happened, like... he's had some bad news he's trying to get his head round? Tragic hangover? Really bad argument with someone? Horrible diarrhoea..?!

It might not be about you, basically. We all have an off day from time to time.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 26/03/2023 17:48

Does he actually know he hasn't replied to you. Sometimes I just read the WhatsApp notification and think I'll reply in a minute and then forget. I've not actually opened WhatsApp so the message shows as unread to the other person.

He's probably just answered the phone to you and been most confused why you've phoned him when you've only got 30 seconds free.

It seems like a hell of a jump to assume that his "behaviour has changed" just because he's missed a morning message.

MaireadMcSweeney · 26/03/2023 17:53

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 26/03/2023 17:48

Does he actually know he hasn't replied to you. Sometimes I just read the WhatsApp notification and think I'll reply in a minute and then forget. I've not actually opened WhatsApp so the message shows as unread to the other person.

He's probably just answered the phone to you and been most confused why you've phoned him when you've only got 30 seconds free.

It seems like a hell of a jump to assume that his "behaviour has changed" just because he's missed a morning message.

He's not been in touch all day. For my relationship this would mean he was planning to break up with me or had cheated on me or something equally as drastic. Some people chat a lot when they are apart. There is nothing wrong with that and it's not overreacting to be upset and/or worried when that changes.

Watchkeys · 26/03/2023 17:56

He's not been in touch all day. For my relationship this would mean he was planning to break up with me or had cheated on me or something equally as drastic

That's not the conclusion that anyone in a healthy relationship would jump to...

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 26/03/2023 17:56

MaireadMcSweeney · 26/03/2023 17:53

He's not been in touch all day. For my relationship this would mean he was planning to break up with me or had cheated on me or something equally as drastic. Some people chat a lot when they are apart. There is nothing wrong with that and it's not overreacting to be upset and/or worried when that changes.

Show quote history

Blimey! I sometimes don't see or speak to my DP until about 5pm and we live together!

MaireadMcSweeney · 26/03/2023 17:59

Watchkeys · 26/03/2023 17:56

He's not been in touch all day. For my relationship this would mean he was planning to break up with me or had cheated on me or something equally as drastic

That's not the conclusion that anyone in a healthy relationship would jump to...

Not at all!
we chat every day. From morning when we wake up through the day at break times and then in the evening. So if he was not messaging me all day it would definitely be on purpose and would mean something serious was going on. If he had had bad news he would tell me about it. Not talking to me all day would only happen if he was avoiding me on purpose, which would only happen if something really bad was happening in our relationship.
You may not want a relationship like this but the fact that we like a lot of contact doesn't mean it's not healthy, it just means we like each other a lot and enjoy chatting to each other.

MaireadMcSweeney · 26/03/2023 18:00

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 26/03/2023 17:56

Blimey! I sometimes don't see or speak to my DP until about 5pm and we live together!

Show quote history

and that's fine for you and your relationship but other people are different to you and when there's a significant change it usually means something.