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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not heard from DP today

70 replies

roseyposeydimple · 26/03/2023 16:28

I know on first reading my heading it might sound like neediness but dp and I been together 3 years and always message each other first thing, last thing and regular contact/ phone calls etc during the day, even when we’re at work.We live couple hours apart
We last spoke yesterday night on messenger. Was usual chat, jokiness , flirtiness etc

Today I sent a good morning message but not heard anything from him all day. He’s not even read my message.
His messenger account showing inactive since last night but he’s been active on Whattsapp an hour ago. If anything is wrong he would usually message me so I don’t think anything is wrong from that point of view.

Am I right to feel disrespected and taken for granted ?It doesn’t take much to say send a quick hello.
I’m feeling quite upset at the moment
because this has not happened before.Just no one to talk to about it so posting here to see what you lovely mumsnetters think?
Am I being silly and over reacting ?

OP posts:
skippy67 · 26/03/2023 19:54

"Disrespected"? Bloody hell...

rwalker · 26/03/2023 19:57

Hbh17 · 26/03/2023 16:35

This is just exhausting to read..... the poor guy maybe just needs a day to himself?

Another vote for this

SweetCoriander · 26/03/2023 20:06

I'm not entirely sure what transpired when you finally spoke to him for 30 seconds and he appeared to be mopping his floor.

JennyDarlingRIP · 27/03/2023 08:02

Do you both work? I sometimes don't have time to drink or use the toilet, let alone call/message DH multiple times a day.
It seems like such a leap.

pensionconfusion · 27/03/2023 08:06

I can understand why you're upset as it's not normal for you both.

Did you find out what was wrong?

xfan · 27/03/2023 08:27

It's probably not good idea that your emotions seem to be regulated by a bloke, you should think about that more than whether he'd replied to your message in a timely manner or not

KTSl1964 · 27/03/2023 08:51

Well it was around 16.45 when you posted so the day wasn’t over!!!

thisbathiscoldnow · 27/03/2023 08:58

I'd trust your gut, if you think something feels different it probably is.

I passed off my gut feeling when I felt a shift in behaviour as me being needy/ paranoid but turned out he was out with another woman

Johnisafckface · 27/03/2023 09:18

MaireadMcSweeney · 26/03/2023 18:22

It's not 'jumping to a conclusion'. I'm telling you that only something as serious as breaking up or similar would cause DP not to message me all day. There is literally no other scenario in which he would do this. We've been together long enough for me to know that.

Show quote history

I get where you are coming from.

This is exactly how it was with my ex. I knew he had started becoming disinterested when he didn’t initiate phone calls or call me throughout the day anymore.

aSofaNearYou · 27/03/2023 09:29

Mildly concerned that something is off/has happened to him? Fair enough.

Disrespected and taken for granted? YABU.

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 27/03/2023 10:21

This is neediness. A change in behaviour for most people of a 3 year established pattern would make most people initially concerned about the other person. Instead, your reaction is just all about you as a victim being disrespected and taken for granted because he didn't text you - without you even knowing why. You sound controlling and quite emotionally manipulative.

Watchkeys · 27/03/2023 11:44

This is neediness

According to whose rules, @Whatsthefrequencykenny ?

Or is it just your opinion? You can't just label something as if it's a fact. Some people might call a behaviour needy, and others might not call the same behaviour needy. There are no definite lines here. If the OP has a need in this respect, what's the best thing for her to do? Shut up about her feelings, or find a way, through discussing her feelings with her partner, for them to not feel bad when/if this situation occurs?

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 27/03/2023 12:06

Watchkeys · 27/03/2023 11:44

This is neediness

According to whose rules, @Whatsthefrequencykenny ?

Or is it just your opinion? You can't just label something as if it's a fact. Some people might call a behaviour needy, and others might not call the same behaviour needy. There are no definite lines here. If the OP has a need in this respect, what's the best thing for her to do? Shut up about her feelings, or find a way, through discussing her feelings with her partner, for them to not feel bad when/if this situation occurs?

It is a thought on a discussion board - clearly an opinion. Same as everything else posted on here and every other thread. Only an OP can actually post facts as everyone else is responding from their limited outsider perspective. I would say 99% of thoughts get posted as 'fact' without the statment 'in my opinion...."

And there are a lot of ways to respond to a partner not texting you for a few hours. The options are be manipulative or be silent.

IMO!

Watchkeys · 27/03/2023 12:07

OK @Whatsthefrequencykenny

You are wrong.

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 27/03/2023 12:10

Watchkeys · 27/03/2023 12:07

OK @Whatsthefrequencykenny

You are wrong.

According to whose rules, @Watchkeys? Or is it just your opinion? You can't just label something as if it's a fact...

Are you a hypocrite in all areas of life or just on discussion forums?

Watchkeys · 27/03/2023 12:18

Missing the point, much, Whatsthefrequency? Not to worry.

Sorry for the derail, @roseyposeydimple . My point to you was not to let anybody tell you what you are or are not. You be you, and anybody who thinks you're 'too x' or 'too y' is stating their opinion, not a fact, and therefore, not something you have to give any credence to, regardless of how stridently it's said. Some people just spout critical nonsense and call people names and make unfounded snap judgements, but you can disregard them, as we all can.

You are the right level of 'needy' for you. There are people more needy and less needy than you who are in happy relationships. You don't need to change how 'needy' you are. We all have needs. Respecting them is self respect, so anybody telling you not to respect them is telling you to disrespect yourself.

Brightstar29 · 27/03/2023 12:43

I think it’s not the lack of contact that the op is bothered about, it’s the shift in pattern/communication from what is normal for them so the people who are calling op needy are being unfair. Normally when I have had a gut feeling in similar situations I have been right that something has been off.

CornishGem1975 · 27/03/2023 13:04

Brightstar29 · 27/03/2023 12:43

I think it’s not the lack of contact that the op is bothered about, it’s the shift in pattern/communication from what is normal for them so the people who are calling op needy are being unfair. Normally when I have had a gut feeling in similar situations I have been right that something has been off.

Agree with this.

I speak/text to my DH several times throughout the day, always have done. Nothing important - something funny we've seen, can you grab some milk...If he went off to work one day and I didn't hear from him at all it would be very odd! Nothing "needy" it's just a change in behaviours that would be noticeable.

Xarrie · 27/03/2023 20:52

I hope things are okay OP.

crymeout · 28/03/2023 19:34

How are you @roseyposeydimple ? Was everything okay in the end?

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