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Original poster

Not heard from DP today

70 replies

roseyposeydimple · 26/03/2023 16:28

I know on first reading my heading it might sound like neediness but dp and I been together 3 years and always message each other first thing, last thing and regular contact/ phone calls etc during the day, even when we’re at work.We live couple hours apart
We last spoke yesterday night on messenger. Was usual chat, jokiness , flirtiness etc

Today I sent a good morning message but not heard anything from him all day. He’s not even read my message.
His messenger account showing inactive since last night but he’s been active on Whattsapp an hour ago. If anything is wrong he would usually message me so I don’t think anything is wrong from that point of view.

Am I right to feel disrespected and taken for granted ?It doesn’t take much to say send a quick hello.
I’m feeling quite upset at the moment
because this has not happened before.Just no one to talk to about it so posting here to see what you lovely mumsnetters think?
Am I being silly and over reacting ?

OP posts:
supercali77 · 26/03/2023 18:03

Yeah I have similarly close contact with my dp, 3 years together, live apart. We talk a lot...I suppose because we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like. A full day of not replying and not answering calls id probably have driven round to make sure he's alright, I'm pretty sure he'd do the same. I'd hate to think id one day have an accident and my fella was like 'huh, she's probably just busy' 😂

Anyway he's answered the phone so he's well at least.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 26/03/2023 18:05

MaireadMcSweeney · 26/03/2023 18:00

and that's fine for you and your relationship but other people are different to you and when there's a significant change it usually means something.

Show quote history

I get that different relationships are different. I just don't get why someone would leap to feeling disrespected or hurt because of a change in routine for one morning.

They could be busy, or in a bad mood, or dealing with an issue, or feeling ill. Why is the first though "He's going to dump me"

It just doesn't sound like a healthy headspace to be in.

supercali77 · 26/03/2023 18:06

I'm not sure people in couples that live together really understand the text/phone communication dynamic of couples who LAT.

Watchkeys · 26/03/2023 18:07

You may not want a relationship like this but the fact that we like a lot of contact doesn't mean it's not healthy

Nothing like what I actually said, @MaireadMcSweeney

Jumping to the conclusion that your partner has been unfaithful if they don't contact you isn't healthy in my book. I understand that you don't live your life according to my book, but I don't think it's unusual to find that it's an odd conclusion to jump to. It's simply not on the radar in a healthy relationship, and wouldn't be the obvious conclusion to any situation at all.

Pinkdelight3 · 26/03/2023 18:08

disrespected and taken for granted

This is way OTT. You need to manage your self-respect better if something this minor can make you feel disrespected, it's ridiculous in a LTR. Occupy yourself with other matters and put less value on such inconsequential things. It's a pretty flimsy set-up if it crumbles over something so minor, so all those daily messages don't really mean much after all.

Watchkeys · 26/03/2023 18:08

supercali77 · 26/03/2023 18:03

Yeah I have similarly close contact with my dp, 3 years together, live apart. We talk a lot...I suppose because we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like. A full day of not replying and not answering calls id probably have driven round to make sure he's alright, I'm pretty sure he'd do the same. I'd hate to think id one day have an accident and my fella was like 'huh, she's probably just busy' 😂

Anyway he's answered the phone so he's well at least.

Quite. I'd hate to think that I might have an accident or bad news, and that my partner would think 'Unfaithful, clearly...'!

supercali77 · 26/03/2023 18:20

@Watchkeys yeah, I was more answering some of the points that 'maybe he's just busy' or 'it's only been a day'. For some relationships a day going by without chat is utterly normal, for others it's not. And it's completely OK to be in either one of those.

I agree that assuming cheating rather than accident/bad news is a stretch

MaireadMcSweeney · 26/03/2023 18:21

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 26/03/2023 18:05

I get that different relationships are different. I just don't get why someone would leap to feeling disrespected or hurt because of a change in routine for one morning.

They could be busy, or in a bad mood, or dealing with an issue, or feeling ill. Why is the first though "He's going to dump me"

It just doesn't sound like a healthy headspace to be in.

Show quote history

It's not one morning though it is? It's all day!

MaireadMcSweeney · 26/03/2023 18:22

Watchkeys · 26/03/2023 18:07

You may not want a relationship like this but the fact that we like a lot of contact doesn't mean it's not healthy

Nothing like what I actually said, @MaireadMcSweeney

Jumping to the conclusion that your partner has been unfaithful if they don't contact you isn't healthy in my book. I understand that you don't live your life according to my book, but I don't think it's unusual to find that it's an odd conclusion to jump to. It's simply not on the radar in a healthy relationship, and wouldn't be the obvious conclusion to any situation at all.

It's not 'jumping to a conclusion'. I'm telling you that only something as serious as breaking up or similar would cause DP not to message me all day. There is literally no other scenario in which he would do this. We've been together long enough for me to know that.

Watchkeys · 26/03/2023 18:23

It's not one morning though it is? It's all day

And that's the difference between assuming faithfulness and unfaithfulness, for you? That just seems so odd.

Dontsayyouloveme · 26/03/2023 18:25

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 26/03/2023 17:56

Blimey! I sometimes don't see or speak to my DP until about 5pm and we live together!

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That’s strange!

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 26/03/2023 18:30

Dontsayyouloveme · 26/03/2023 18:25

That’s strange!

Show quote history

Haha, sometimes she has to get up a fair bit earlier than me for work (I WFH). If I don't wake up then the first time we see each other is when she gets home from work. We're not a particularly texty couple, so don't tend to chat during the day unless there's something the other needs to know.

flutterbyebaby · 26/03/2023 18:32

MaireadMcSweeney · 26/03/2023 18:22

It's not 'jumping to a conclusion'. I'm telling you that only something as serious as breaking up or similar would cause DP not to message me all day. There is literally no other scenario in which he would do this. We've been together long enough for me to know that.

Show quote history

I get where you are coming from

Capricornone1 · 26/03/2023 18:35

Maybe your constant need for messaging has finally driven him over the edge.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 26/03/2023 18:36

Hbh17 · 26/03/2023 16:35

This is just exhausting to read..... the poor guy maybe just needs a day to himself?

This. If you can see he was online an hour ago then in all likelihood he is fine and wants a bit of peace.

supercali77 · 26/03/2023 18:48

@Capricornone1 Yeah it's total madness being in a couple where you like talking to each other

Opentooffers · 26/03/2023 18:51

This is a change in behaviour after 3 years so it could be significant. No communication yet doing something as mundane as mopping the floor does seem a little odd.
It's the weekend though. Do you know what he was up to on Saturday night? Out with friends maybe? Had too much to drink perhaps? Or he could of had people round and made a mess hence mopping. There could be valid distractions. Don't panic at this stage but keep an eye on future signs of change, if there are more instances,it may add up to something more, but it could also end up being a one off. So play it cool until you have more to go off.

Capricornone1 · 26/03/2023 18:52

supercali77 · 26/03/2023 18:48

@Capricornone1 Yeah it's total madness being in a couple where you like talking to each other

Don’t be facetious, you know exactly what I meant

supercali77 · 26/03/2023 18:56

@Capricornone1 Yeah I do, and I thought it was a misogynist take.

flutterbyebaby · 26/03/2023 19:02

Not meaning to be horrid, but maybe he eventually answered the phone to stop the calling and texts

Capricornone1 · 26/03/2023 19:05

supercali77 · 26/03/2023 18:56

@Capricornone1 Yeah I do, and I thought it was a misogynist take.

Jesus what a bizarre comment! It would drive me mad, if my (male) partner was constantly ringing and texting me and wanting to know what I’m doing 24/7

Capricornone1 · 26/03/2023 19:06

flutterbyebaby · 26/03/2023 19:02

Not meaning to be horrid, but maybe he eventually answered the phone to stop the calling and texts

Exactly

supercali77 · 26/03/2023 19:12

@Capricornone1 OP said 'they' talk a lot, as a couple. Not her talking a lot, not her demanding to know, not her needing. Them, they do it. And you jumped straight to the idea that she was the problem.

SpringleDingle · 26/03/2023 19:14

It would be very odd in my relationship not to hear from the DP all day. He always texts me in the morning. We tend not to chat during the work day but sometimes we swap a meme or a little gossip at lunchtime. However we always exchange at least a message or two in the evening or have a phone call.

If I didn’t hear from him all day I’d be concerned that something had happened to him.

Original poster
roseyposeydimple · 26/03/2023 19:53

@Capricornone1
Maybe your constant need for messaging has finally driven him over the edge.

Actually, no. There is no constant need for messaging. It’s just that for 3 years we have been message each other every day and today is different.
Throughout the relationship we have initiated contact about 50:50.
Neither of us are needy.
We both like our space but, equally, we like to chat every day.
Its mutual and I don’t constantly text.We video message each other every day because we live apart. If he had a problem he would usually tell me and vise versa.
It just feels like something is off. A gut feeling.

OP posts: