Gentlemen, do your ladies treat you?

[Naoise88]

So I was talking to my friend recently, we work together and due a bonus in a few days. I was telling him I was going to get the missus (we're married 18 years) an Alexander McQueen handbag and a night away for the both of us. He then said something that rocked me back on my heels. "She buys you nothing mate" and thinking about it, it never really struck me before but its true. Any time I have a bit of money for whatever reason my 1st thought is the wife but I couldn't tell you the last thing she bought me spontaneously or outside of Christmas, my birthday, or from the kids for fathers day. I've been wearing Jeans for so long I'm actually embarrassed to tell you how long I've had them and a t-shirt from 8 years ago. I'm easy going so none of that stuff bothers me but it would be nice to be treated. She probably earns not alot less or the same as me, but i pay all the bills apart from the food shopping and fuel for the cars, so its not like she doesn't have the cash.

What's your experiences? Does your female partner treat you to nights away or the odd no reason gift?

I wouldn't be buying for anyone who called me "the wife" or "the missus"

And it's your own fault if your clothes are old. Buy yourself some new ones.

🤣🤣🤣 come on ! If this is true just get the jeans you need and but back on the designer handbags

Does it not depend on who earns more ? Certainly I think men work in jobs that give bonuses more often.
muzh more difficult to “treat “ someone if essentially it’s their money anyway !

here we jointly agree treats as a rule though I bought him a surprise of some lovely pens for work. Not expensive or particularly special but he wouldn’t have bought them himself

Yes, but I also pay my share of the bills 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't buy him clothes though. He can buy his own clothes

Assuming this is real, forget the gifts for a second.

What does she do day to day that makes you feel loved and appreciated? And what do you do day to day?

This can't be real. I didn't there were still people alive who referred to their wife as 'the missus'.

If your jeans are a mess, buy new jeans.
If you feel unappreciated by your wife, talk to her.
Don't assume all women are the same.
Don't assume we know your wife better than you.
I'll bet there are things your wife thinks 'I wish he'd do that sometimes' - is ther equity elsewhere in your relationship. Do you do your half of the housework, shopping, present buying, admin, childcare.......?

If it's real....

Stop buying your wife treats. Buy yourself something and if she wants to buy herself a bag then I'm sure she can dig into her pockets herself, no?

I think if you earn a lot more then its normal.
I was a SAHM for ages and now im working just a few hours a week and my salary is my “pocket” money. DH pays for everything. I dont even have to spend my salary on anything (we jokingly call it my “running away stash”) because I have a cc to DHs account and he never questions my spendings. I do buy him gifts here and there, but I sometimes pay with his money, so not sure if that counts 🤷🏻‍♀️😃
I bring a lot to his life, but money denfinitely isnt part of that.

Only because they have to pretend they're including Men.

HTRH

I bet Jim Davison does!!

Yea, she's affectionate, far more so than I. No real complaints about the relationship, as you may well be able to tell from this thread.

This gave me a chuckle, you probably need a wee nap after all those mental gymnastics.

All I asked was "does your wife/partner treat you"?

Do you ever surprise her by doing the washing? the hoovering? and not expecting a medal

I buy more spontaneously than my DP but I'd say he's more financially generous.

If he called me 'the missus' I'd never buy him anything ever again.

My dh and I are together a long time and neither of us really buy each other spontaneous gifts. It sounds like you enjoy buying gifts/treats for 'your missus' so ignore your mate, but I think you need to look at how your finances are arranged, if you both earn the same but you pay all the bills.

" I bet Jim Davison does!! "

I thought he was dead or was that just wishful thinking?

Yes I do. I could say it's because I am generous and loving but...

If I'm honest I like keeping him grateful. I like a lot of sex and I want him feeling good and in the mood. Also he's very sexy and I like him wearing the stuff I buy him.

How about you? Is that how you feel? Transactions have a lot of different meanings in a relationship.

To be fair you have a point in that.

"This gave me a chuckle, you probably need a wee nap after all those mental gymnastics.

All I asked was "does your wife/partner treat you"?"

Yeah us little women should just do as we are told and not comment on anything else.

Btw you sound like Jim Davidson.

Bit of an odd set up unless you've omitted stuff. You pay all bills and she pays food and you earn the same ish? I know everyone's costs are different but in my house my bills and 5x my food. Where does all her money go?

I quite often buy things for my H. He rarely buys me gifts because it's not his thing - he's more practical. He doesn't buy me flowers, but he'll clear the snow off my car and defrost the windscreen whilst I'm getting ready, to save me time and mess. Suits me just fine.

Well it depends on what you call ‘treating you’.
So e people like to receive/give physical gifts. But others will give gifts of time for example by organising their day so you can go out with your mates on a special weekend. Some people will cook you a meal they know you really enjoy.
If you think that gifts are only things, then you are probably missing a lot if what your dwife is gifting you tbh.

So is it thé issue that your dwife dint care at all and never ‘treats’ you. Never go the extra mile for you, never does anything nice fir you at all? Or is that you are taking all her efforts fur granted?
Or is that you think the only way to treat someone is buying them expensive gifts? And actually she doesn’t care fir material stuff (but you do?)

Basically, there is no right is wrong answer. If your dwife cares for You, she will show it to you in different ways. Appreciate that. If something makes you feel more ‘loved’ (present buying?) then maybe tell her if that’s not obvious (I wouldn’t assume you care about those stuff if you never buy anything for yourself….).

But fgs dont let a work colleague make you doubt about your dwife on something that was never an issue before!

As a side note, the fact you only have an 8 year old pair if jeans has nothing to do with her. You should be able to do your own shopping….

If this is mental gymnastic, you aren’t using your brain much tbh.

In my marriage I was the one who gave gifts and took choosing gifts seriously. My husband - not so much. But at least he didn't refer to me as 'the wife' and 'the missus', which was a big plus.

Buy some jeans and talk to your wife. No one here will know her better than you.