I caught my DH out… again.

[JPLB21]

Hi everyone- I have name changed as this is extremely sensitive to me. Please be kind.

About a year ago I found my husband had Only Fans account. It wasn't through me snooping, it came up on our iPad. He paid for women’s pictures etc. I was horrified and went ballistic. He promised he didn’t realise how much it would hurt me and that he viewed it just like regular free porn which I don’t really care to much about. So I tried to move on
and he promised never to do it again.

Fast forward to yesterday, I felt something off. This time I did go snooping as I had ‘the feeling’. I’ve never snooped before on purpose but today I did. I found his history showed he’d been paying for live cam videos… again. I’m devastated. I told him straight away what I’d found.

We have two very young children, I don’t want this to be the reason our family is separated but I feel so many different things. He’s lied. I feel sick thinking what he was paying for when we were all in the house.

He’s admitting how wrong it is, saying he’ll give me full access to everything including bank statements and phone. But I don’t want to live like that and I don’t feel like I can trust him.

A hand hold needed, I’m devastated and just don’t know what to do.

I guess we are all different. For me, there is a vast difference between a man who views prerecorded porn that has been produced for the masses and one who purchases private time with a cam girl and masturbates with her live in real time. In the latter scenario, a relationship inevitably forms. He directs the girl to do as he pleases and he'll have his favourite girls who he sees time and time again no doubt. They will also communicate via email and sometimes even via WhatsApp between sessions to arrange more private time. It's definitely cheating in my book.

He chose the reason you should break up, not you.

He chose to use family cash to give him sexual thrills. What does tell you about how he feels about you? About his family? Would he be happy for his daughters to choose this as a career? Would he be happy for his sons to do this to his future family?

He chose his 10 seconds of pleasure over his entire family and relationship. Proving he doesn't actually think much of you at all.

Deal breaker.

Let the world know he is single because he is a wanker

Porn is watching an act of sex, only fans is focused on one woman, photos, her body.. creates an obsession. It's interactive, paid for.. It's another level. Not defending porn btw, I hate the whole lot.

I'm sorry you're in this position OP. It's easy for people to flippantly hurl "LTB" on threads like this and I respect that it doesn't feel that easy when you're in this position. However... Personally I couldn't stay in a relationship like this.

My tuppence would be - please don't end staying if you're doing it as you think it's what's best for your children. (You haven't said this as such, but just in case!) They need to see a mum who is respected and a dad who treats women appropriately and doesn't poop all over their wedding vows.

I'd also reflect that his 'solution' of you being able to see his bank accounts and phone etc going forward is a very short-sighted one. All it does is put all of the pressure and responsibility for monitoring his behaviour on you. Which absolutely isn't on. He needs to own this as a problem and make all steps himself, which includes accepting that you may never be able to forgive him or trust him again. X

@Beingrealistic2022 I don’t think that I said that women can’t be sex addicts so I’m unsure as to why you’ve tagged me in two articles saying that they can be? Bored?