Happy Mother's Day to me...

Rjd13 · 18/03/2023 23:25

OP from the outside looking in, you're in an abusive relationship. It cannot be good for you or children to be in this environment. Do you have anyone you can talk to IRL about things?

You clearly want more for your life, dont settle for this.

Report

Youvebeenseeingsos · 18/03/2023 23:26

You’re worth more that what you are putting up with, that’s for sure.
LTB and find some happiness.

Report

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 18/03/2023 23:32

He's right, you aren't his mother - so tell the emotional bully that since your not his mother you don't need to babysit him on day 3 of his wisdom tooth extraction, sorry "operation" Did he put his teeth under his pillow as well.

The ridiculing you calling you loopy is his way of belittling you and making you think you're crazy for daring to challenge him. You deserve better than this OP. Go and enjoy your lunch and let him sit and stew with his jar of baby food

Report

BelleSauvage9 · 18/03/2023 23:38

Ltb, he's an asshole.

Sorry op, hope you manage to enjoy a nice Sunday dinner with your dc x

Report

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/03/2023 23:38

God just dump him. You know this isn’t about Mother’s Day. Don’t be here again in a year detailing horrendous verbal attacks when you know he’s a dick and you’re in a terrible relationship.

Are the kids heading him yelling at you like that? I bet they are.

Report

category12 · 18/03/2023 23:40

Mother's Day is the least of your problems.

Why stay in the relationship? He makes you feel like shit and worthless.

It's not the sort of relationship model you should give your child either. While they may not yet understand his behaviour towards you, they will.

Stop running around after him like he's a god and leave the bastard.

Report

Pansypotter123 · 18/03/2023 23:40

You certainly are worth more. Make plans to leave and speak to Women's Aid.

He'll be wanting sex next, just as soon as his tooth ache has gone, if not before...... remember how nasty he's being now when he starts those games with you .

Report

Suzi888 · 18/03/2023 23:43

Jesus. He’s a monster, get out. Ring the police, contact women’s aid, sign on with housing - detail /record everything if safe to do so.
He’s abusing you.
Your children will suffer, don’t have anymore with him.
A bloody card is the least of your worries! He’s despicable.

Report

Suzi888 · 18/03/2023 23:43

Having a wisdom tooth out is not a big deal. I’ve had two out, painful yes- was I twat no. He has full use of his limbs ffs.

Report

Samedaysameshit · 18/03/2023 23:45

Oh just wrap it up already!
it’s not getting better
its going to get worse probably.
10 years from now you will say….
I wish I’d done this 10 years ago.

Report

clementyne · 19/03/2023 00:08

He's abusive OP. Leave this man. You don't want your children growing up thinking that this is how men treat women in a relationship. Think how nice it will be to have all of this behind you, getting to spend all future mother days with your own mum and kids.

Solidarity - I also got called a fucking bitch today by the man who is supposed to be my partner. I wanted exactly what you said for mother's Day, him to take my 3 year old to the shop and make a fuss about choosing something for me. He was making a scene of going to the shop after his sport injury tonight at 8.30pm, I told him it's absolutely pointless, he is not my child and a present from him is worth nothing to me. What I wanted and told him all along that I wanted, was a card from my DS that he would have to get my DS to make for me, perhaps a token gift picked out by DS for me. He didn't do it because he doesn't love me. He calls me a fucking bitch because he doesn't love me. Yours is the same, these men are showing us who they are.

Report

caringcarer · 19/03/2023 00:10

The best thing you could do for yourself and kids is to leave this nasty controlling man. If you stay he will drain away all your self worth and you'll get depressed. You need to dump him.

Report

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 19/03/2023 00:33

What support do you need to leave this angry & controlling man?

www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0399148442?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Report

Worthless1 · 19/03/2023 00:34

Thank you all for the replies, I do appreciate I have bigger issues than mother's Day. I just wish I could emotionally switch off, if I do everything and never complain then I don't get sworn at and shouted out. It's also very hard to have a logical conversation as he deflects everything. It's like being on different planets. He's never been there for me. He left me alone for 4 days whilst I had Covid with not enough food in the hkus efor the children (I hadn't eaten in days and was really unwell). After my c section he left for days and I struggled on my own. I was driving 5 days after surgery because he decided he had to take the dog to the groomer in the place he used to live (despite having multiple groomers bear our house). He was supposed to help with school runs for my eldest- I only asked him to do 2 because he complained about waking up early.

The other week we were discussing something and for onto the topic of the birth of our child. I mentioned that I still get emotionally seeing c sections on TV, because I haemorrhaged, was in and out of consciousness and it was scary. He told me that the reason I was scared is because I have anxiety issues and my delivery was not scary, him jumping out of a plane was scary. I said it was upsetting he was invalidating how I feel and his response was "it's not as if you were going to die".

Yet the morning of his tooth removal he was going on that he won't be able to work for a week, I'm be a difficult removal, he'll probably end with an infection, may have his jaw broken. Basically catastophising. Obviously I completely sympathise that it's not nice but why is he allowed to be anxious/catastophise, yet me being scarred haemorrhaging makes me mentally ill.
I'm supposed to drop everything for him and I have looked after him! He's never done the same for me but I'm not allowed to mention it or I'm a loopy bitch.

@clementyne I'm so sorry you've had a similar experience. Isn't it horrible feeling so unimportant and unappreciated and being sworn at. Does he regularly swear at you? Are you planning on leaving?

OP posts:

Report

Worthless1 · 19/03/2023 00:36

I'm so sorry about the typos. I promise I'm not illiterate. I'm upset and typing fast and unfortunately cannot edit the mistakes.

OP posts:

Report

2022NewTimes · 19/03/2023 00:49

Worthless1 · 19/03/2023 00:36

I'm so sorry about the typos. I promise I'm not illiterate. I'm upset and typing fast and unfortunately cannot edit the mistakes.

@Worthless1 ...please leave him...he wont change...the more he thinks he can get away with the worse he will get.....you are worth so much more and you absolutely do not have to put up with this wanker.

Report

BreviloquentBastard · 19/03/2023 00:50

If my husband called me a bitch even once I'd be gone.

You're in an abusive relationship. You need to leave, to protect yourself and your child. Is this a relationship you'd be happy for your child to be in, in the future? Because if you keep showing your child this is normal, that's what will happen.

Report

Opentooffers · 19/03/2023 00:51

And yet you stay with him. Is he an improvement on your exH? If he is, you can't half pick 'em. What were your parents like growing up? Do you realise it's not normal to accept being sworn at on a daily basis? Sounds like you are better off alone really.

Report

dollypartin · 19/03/2023 00:52

My husband would never ever call me a bitch. You're not. You poor thing. Get out of this relationship.

Report

Worthless1 · 19/03/2023 01:00

@Opentooffers my ex husband was actually a lovely person. I think it's just me that is broken.

I'm partly desensitised. Being called a fucking bitch and a fucking twat several.times a week is the norm.

OP posts:

Report

CallieQ · 19/03/2023 01:07

Why are you with this guy

Report

platanenweg · 19/03/2023 01:09

Worthless1 · 18/03/2023 22:53

Every single event ruined by my partner.
Firstly before I get flamed, I know but everyone agree there partner should make any effort for mother's Day. I know he's not my mum.
However, it's important to me and he knows it. I have low expectations, a card and a £1 car of chocolate would be fine. For me, it's not about me getting something but about him explaining to our 3 year old that it would be nice to pick mummy a little something as a thank you on mother's Day.
Obviously it's a wider issue. I feel worthless. Not even worth a pound. And yes, I always get thoughtful gifts on father's Day.

We've had the discussion before and lsst year he did get a gift and I was very grateful. However I know to have zero expectations in the relationship, I even booked Sunday lunch for myself and my 2 kids (eldest with ex husband) as it was something nice to do and I knew I wouldn't go otherwise. So hear is how tonight has gone...

Having a chat about mother's Day and he mentions he didn't have to bother because he ds made a card in nursery.

Me "I've seen the card and it's lovely, I do feel a little hurt that you didn't get him to choose me a little gift with him, I feel like I'm not appreciated"
Him "here you go, you're fucking loopy. You've had a few days being nice and you're a fucking bitch again. I'm not your mother, it's nothing to do with me"
Me "please don't speak to me like that. I'm just hurt as you know it'd have liked some effort"
Him "for fucks sake, what's wrong with you. I can't believe you booked sunday lunch either, that was so selfish of you. What if I needed you. I've just had an operation"
he had a wisdom tooth out 2 days ago. He's completely fine. I certainly didn't think that going out for 2 hours, 10 mins away would be an issue. In fact I thought if he was feeling poorly, he'd prefer time alone. Obviously if he was seriously ill I wouldn't have left him.
me "you had a tooth out and you're doing fine. Obviously if you were really I'll I wouldn't have left"
Him "you're inconsiderate. It's an operation and I will be worse on day 3 and you were going to leave me on my own"
Me "you left me alone with 2 kids when I had Covid. You also left me alone the day after my c section to look after 2 kids. If I can manage, I'm sure you can".
Him "here you are bringing up the past. You're fucking loopy. You're always ill, you're mental"
Me "please stp speaking to me like that, you're being horrible"

I stood up to leave the room. He followed me and stood over me (he's a foot taller than me and double my weight) shouting that I was a fucking bitch.
I said "are you going to hit me"
Hi. "oh here you go. Are you going to fall on the floor and pretend I've pushed you"

I've never done that. Or made anything up but he does shout and swear and he has pushed me before.

I go in the living room and ask to be left alone. He bursts into the room on 3 separate occasions shouting I'm a bitch. I'm loopy. I've ruined the relationship abd why aren't you with your mum this weekend (I didn't go because he was having his tooth out!!). Is she crying her eyes out because I've not bothered to see her.
Then he bursts in again shouting I should fuck off to my mum's tomorrow.
I'd love to but I can't because it's 3 hours away and the kids have school Monday.

Basically I'm never allowed an opinion or to want or need any kindness, love, care.
He had his tooth out and ive been running around after him, making food, buying special food, had our soon whilst he spent 3 hours in bed then lay in until 11am today but I'm obviously worth nothing.

He is abusive and potentially a narcissist.

That conversation sounds very familiar (I have LTB). Narcissists hate anything that's not about them so he will massively resent Mothers Day. I expect many women in abusive relationships will be having similar issues tomorrow.

I'm sure you know it deep down but this is incredibly unhealthy and you need to make plans to leave him. Contact women aid when it's safe to do so.

Report

monsteramunch · 19/03/2023 01:41

The longer you stay with him, the more likely it is that your child will replicate this relationship dynamic (an abusive one) themselves as an adult.

Can you bear to see that happen? Wouldn't it absolutely break your heart?

Let that fuel you. You need to leave for their sake. You have a choice, they don't.

Every day they're exposed to an abusive household is a day that they are an abused child, even if it's not directed towards them.

Report

category12 · 19/03/2023 08:14

Worthless1 · 19/03/2023 01:00

@Opentooffers my ex husband was actually a lovely person. I think it's just me that is broken.

I'm partly desensitised. Being called a fucking bitch and a fucking twat several.times a week is the norm.

You know this is wrong and a bad environment for your children, yes?

Why do you stay? What are your obstacles to splitting up? Are you waiting for it to get worse? Do you believe this is all you deserve?

Report

Loafbeginsat60 · 19/03/2023 08:35

You need to leave this man and keep you and your children safe

Report

Talk

Relationships

Happy Mother's Day to me...