Happy Mother's Day to me...

[Worthless1]

Every single event ruined by my partner.
Firstly before I get flamed, I know but everyone agree there partner should make any effort for mother's Day. I know he's not my mum.
However, it's important to me and he knows it. I have low expectations, a card and a £1 car of chocolate would be fine. For me, it's not about me getting something but about him explaining to our 3 year old that it would be nice to pick mummy a little something as a thank you on mother's Day.
Obviously it's a wider issue. I feel worthless. Not even worth a pound. And yes, I always get thoughtful gifts on father's Day.

We've had the discussion before and lsst year he did get a gift and I was very grateful. However I know to have zero expectations in the relationship, I even booked Sunday lunch for myself and my 2 kids (eldest with ex husband) as it was something nice to do and I knew I wouldn't go otherwise. So hear is how tonight has gone...

Having a chat about mother's Day and he mentions he didn't have to bother because he ds made a card in nursery.

Me "I've seen the card and it's lovely, I do feel a little hurt that you didn't get him to choose me a little gift with him, I feel like I'm not appreciated"
Him "here you go, you're fucking loopy. You've had a few days being nice and you're a fucking bitch again. I'm not your mother, it's nothing to do with me"
Me "please don't speak to me like that. I'm just hurt as you know it'd have liked some effort"
Him "for fucks sake, what's wrong with you. I can't believe you booked sunday lunch either, that was so selfish of you. What if I needed you. I've just had an operation"
he had a wisdom tooth out 2 days ago. He's completely fine. I certainly didn't think that going out for 2 hours, 10 mins away would be an issue. In fact I thought if he was feeling poorly, he'd prefer time alone. Obviously if he was seriously ill I wouldn't have left him.
me "you had a tooth out and you're doing fine. Obviously if you were really I'll I wouldn't have left"
Him "you're inconsiderate. It's an operation and I will be worse on day 3 and you were going to leave me on my own"
Me "you left me alone with 2 kids when I had Covid. You also left me alone the day after my c section to look after 2 kids. If I can manage, I'm sure you can".
Him "here you are bringing up the past. You're fucking loopy. You're always ill, you're mental"
Me "please stp speaking to me like that, you're being horrible"

I stood up to leave the room. He followed me and stood over me (he's a foot taller than me and double my weight) shouting that I was a fucking bitch.
I said "are you going to hit me"
Hi. "oh here you go. Are you going to fall on the floor and pretend I've pushed you"

I've never done that. Or made anything up but he does shout and swear and he has pushed me before.

I go in the living room and ask to be left alone. He bursts into the room on 3 separate occasions shouting I'm a bitch. I'm loopy. I've ruined the relationship abd why aren't you with your mum this weekend (I didn't go because he was having his tooth out!!). Is she crying her eyes out because I've not bothered to see her.
Then he bursts in again shouting I should fuck off to my mum's tomorrow.
I'd love to but I can't because it's 3 hours away and the kids have school Monday.

Basically I'm never allowed an opinion or to want or need any kindness, love, care.
He had his tooth out and ive been running around after him, making food, buying special food, had our soon whilst he spent 3 hours in bed then lay in until 11am today but I'm obviously worth nothing.

That coming in and just touching intimately under your clothes is disrespectful and vile, makes me feel sick to the stomach remembering that possessive behaviour pattern. If my now partner shouted at me, disappeared then reappeared and pawed me under my clothes, he'd get my knee in his balls these days. That's not normal loving behaviour, that's him asserting his authority over you and the fact he thinks you are his to possess.
My ex would take the kids away on Mother's Day too, not to give me a treat or anything, but to rub it in that its Mother's Day and your kids aren't with you because you don't deserve them to be.
I was a bit surprised he came back with a gift, but then you mentioned he's coming out to lunch too! All makes sense now, he has to make sure he looks like he's playing the part of good partner/father and by going with you, you can't discuss his behaviour with anyone else.

@Boopydoo you are spot on. So I'm upstairs getting ready and just text him saying "there is really no need for you to come to Sunday lunch. Especially as you are unable to eat, it'll be a waste of money. I booked as I wanted to do something nice with the boys and I thought if you were still unwell then you could rest"
His reply ...

"so you can tell your friends, your and my family that I didn't come to your mother's Day dinner! no thanks.
I've discovered you have ulterior motives and are rarely straight talking"

And then...

"Obviously I can't eat and have already bitten my cheek"

So he literally just wants to make himself look better and he's already intentionally ruining the day. We can't go out and have a nice time now.
I'm gutted he's ruined it.

Don't let him spoil this for your older son.
Tell him you want to spend time with your dc and not him.

I went out without him. I told him it's pointless him coming when he can't eat!
He still made a point that he's surprised I booked when I knew he was having an operation. It was a tooth removal and I appreciate its uncomfortable but why would he need me to sit in the house with him! He was happy for me to leave him alone whilst I went food shopping for 2 hours.
He said he'd never do the same to me ...but it's a lie because he alwayseaves me alone for days with the kids when I'm ill. He told me I'm not his priority. I hate him.

Picked up my eldest son from his dad who told me his dad had spoilt his gf and bought her lots of gifts for mother's Day (her 3 kids aren't his)...even though her kids are 22, 18 and 16! Yet my partner doesn't think I deserve a £1 gift from our chd we share.

This is such toxic environment for your children.
He obviously dislikes you.
Start taking steps to leave, no-one should be spoken to like that in their own home. Especially by the person they have chosen to be their partner in life.

And your username is so sad.
You are not worthless, you deserve the world!
You deserve to be happy, loved and content.
I'm sorry you are being treated this way, it's not right.
Don't waste your precious life and your DC precious childhood being around this toxic person.
He is ruining all the special days that are supposed to be your happy memories with your DC.
You won't ever get them back.

This is the part-time doctor again isn't it??

So you still haven't made any plans to leave and he hasn't done you the favour of leaving him??

Your poor abused kids. You are allowing them to live in a toxic environment and be emotionally abused.

You are never every going to leave him, so why post?? At least stop the name-changing so people can ignore it.

What has my life become... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4756843-what-has-my-life-become

Seriously, stop wasting time posting on here asking for advice you are going to ignore, arrange for your ex-husband to take full custody of your older son so he is no longer bullied and abused by his stepfather, and take your youngest son to your mother's.

But you won't, will you? Just keep name changing and spending hours on here whilst your children suffer.

It's a disgraceful situation to put your children in.

Another terrible dad, Mothers Day seems to bring out the worst ones

your DC are credits to you let them open your eyes

please leave