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Original poster

Boyfriend cancelled plans knowing I am bereaving

79 replies

Sunandrainbows · 18/03/2023 12:44

My boyfriend was seeing his teenage daughters today and said I can come over later in the evening and stop over. He has backtracked now and said to go to his at 3pm tomorrow afternoon. He is letting his daughters stop over because his 1 daughter has fallen out with her boyfriend. I really don't appreciate being discarded like that especially when my Grandad passed away 3 days ago and he knows how it has affected me.

OP posts:
perfectcolourfound · 19/03/2023 08:38

On the face of your initial question, he's done the right thing. Helping a tennage child through a break up would come before seeing a gf who's been bereaved. His first duty is to his children, of course.

The poster saying it's infantalising teenager children to be there for them when they need emotional support - just wow. If you think it's infantalising a teenager then surely it's infantalising the Op too? You're saying we shouldn't offer emptional support to people once they're past the age of, what? 12?

Having said all that, it's the other stuff in your posts that's concerning. He thinks he can arrange things with you, and regularly cancel? He wants to have plans so you're there if he wants you, but retain the right to drop you if something more important / more fun comes along? No. Whilst the odd cancellation is normal (the heartbroken daughter example), doing it routinely shows he doesn't value your time and thinks you're there for him to pick up and drop when he fancies.

I'd dump him for that.

GreyCarpet · 19/03/2023 08:51

perfectcolourfound · 19/03/2023 08:38

On the face of your initial question, he's done the right thing. Helping a tennage child through a break up would come before seeing a gf who's been bereaved. His first duty is to his children, of course.

The poster saying it's infantalising teenager children to be there for them when they need emotional support - just wow. If you think it's infantalising a teenager then surely it's infantalising the Op too? You're saying we shouldn't offer emptional support to people once they're past the age of, what? 12?

Having said all that, it's the other stuff in your posts that's concerning. He thinks he can arrange things with you, and regularly cancel? He wants to have plans so you're there if he wants you, but retain the right to drop you if something more important / more fun comes along? No. Whilst the odd cancellation is normal (the heartbroken daughter example), doing it routinely shows he doesn't value your time and thinks you're there for him to pick up and drop when he fancies.

I'd dump him for that.

Agree with this 100%

Goodread1 · 19/03/2023 09:00

He sounds like a good dad to me,

I wish I had had, a intuitively emphatic Dad when i was growing up especially as a teenager when i lost my mom, as your partner is @Sunandrainbows

It's a good sign,
Obviously it's bit frustrating if you make plans an they go awry,

Sorry for your recent loss

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/03/2023 10:41

Why don't you say to him you are busy when he has his kids - make plans

Problem Solved

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