Is it time to move on?

[EarlyDayz]

Hi everyone - looking for some advice/opinions regarding my relationship.

To give some background: I'm 32 and OH is 55, we've been together for 8 years and in the early days had some incredible adventures together (travelling the world, moving to a new country together, different cities etc.) He's extremely supportive of me and I never doubt his commitment to me and our life together, and I know he loves me - I've never doubted that.

My trouble is..I doubt whether or not I love him just as much as he loves me and have doubted our future together quite often.. for some reason I can't picture a future with him - he's asked me to marry him (and I've always somehow avoided answering, as it's never been a serious proposal) and he would have children with me (I think perhaps only because I've expressed my desire to have family, not because children are an actual priority for him - he would happily stay with me with no children if that's what I wanted) because of this, I feel quite a lot of pressure that the future of our relationship and how it will look falls on my shoulders i.e. kids or no kids.

Also, although we have great intimacy when it does happen, it's not nearly as frequent as I would like/need..maybe a couple of times a month at best..sometimes less frequent - I've openly communicated this with him on a number of occasions and he knows I personally need more from a relationship, and promises to try and do better but then weeks, maybe months pass and we fall back into a sexless routine again - he apologises and says it's difficult as he has a lower libido (his general personality + age).. I've also stopped making too many advances as I feel quite self-conscious when trying to initiate or 'ask' for sex and then the evening rolls around and nothing happens.

We do love spending time together and have a very easygoing and drama free relationship, and have been through a lot of difficult times together and always support each other and feel totally and utterly at ease around each other - but I just question whether all of that is enough to be 'forever' .. or whether or not I'm expecting too much from the relationship.. I had had relationships before him, but never as long as this or as serious, so I just don't know if my expectations are too high or if I should give myself a shot at finding a bigger kind of love out there.

I'm sorry if I sound melodramatic, but I find it difficult to talk to friends/family about my relationship worries, as we faced quite a lot opposition at the beginning because of our age difference (everyone accepts us now), but I've always felt quite vulnerable opening up about doubts I have because of that.

Thank you for reading xx

[EarlyDayz]

@ImAvingOops thank you ❤️ it's hard to stay focussed and some days I question the self-inflicted heartache, but hopefully brighter days are coming and I'll be forever thankful for the relationship and the chance to care for someone so deeply xx

[billy1966]

OP, the difference in a woman of 24, then 34, and 44 is so hard to overstate.

I think of myself at those ages and each decade was a huge emotional maturing experience, and as for the difference of 24 -44????...enormous.

All I thought about at 24 was having the best life and travelling experiences possible .........by 44 I had 4 children and all the responsibilities that brings... and the life experiences in between of working on a couple of continents.

I understand that some people think they have made a great success of a 20+ year age gap, but IMO I always think it involves selfishness on the older partner and I am very suspicious of the motives involved.

I would hate it for my daughters.

I am delighted to read you are moving on.

Best of luck.

[Tigp]

Well done op and good luck. It takes a lot of guts to bring a relationship to an end and many people can’t do it.