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Original poster

Hard to be attracted to men in your 30s?

84 replies

JollieJullie · 17/03/2023 16:13

Has anyone else found it increasingly harder to feel romantically attracted to anyone as they entered their 30s and beyond?

I am 33, almost 34 and have been single for 3 years. I hope I don't sound too arrogant, but I have found it quite easy to attract men in a dating context. However, I find really hard to develop any kind of romantic connection or sexual attraction to any of these perfectly fine guys. In the last years there have been several men with whom I have gone on 8-10 dates over the course of a couple of months, but I just didn't develop any feelings so I ended up calling it off. Sex without interest/ feelings is also very boring to me so I just wasn't interested in continuing.

I am not sure if there is something wrong with me or maybe I am just someone who doesn't like many people in that romantic way. I am really comfortable being single so perhaps I don't desire a relationship strongly enough? Maybe if I was more "desperate" for a partner I would be more keen on developing these feelings? I wonder if maybe it is online dating that just doesn't work for me? In my teens and 20s I had a lot of crushes and found lots of men attractive, so I don't know what has changed. I meet new people regularly and make plenty of friends, so it is not like I don't like people in general either!

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way and if you have any thoughts to share that might help me understand. Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
JollieJullie · 18/03/2023 12:59

IDontWantToBeAPie · 18/03/2023 12:23

Are you on birth control?

I have little sex drive most of the time. Every time my implant gets into it's last 6 months - three times now- I become rabid.

No I haven't been on birth control in years so I don't think it is a hormonal issue. My period is very regular and I have no reason to assume I am approaching menopause. All the women in my family went into menopause around the age of 50.

OP posts:
Original poster
JollieJullie · 18/03/2023 12:59

Gwenhwyfar · 18/03/2023 12:18

"Except there is a chance that OP will never be married if OP doesn't overcome their aversion."

The post was about duty. Really not relevant to a single person.

Honestly I'd rather stay single forever rather than force myself into a relationship I am not feeling from the get go.

OP posts:
TrishM80 · 18/03/2023 13:00

JollieJullie · 17/03/2023 17:01

I am not bothered about children, maybe that is why I don't fit with the general trend!

Show quote history

Yes, that's a good point!

Original poster
JollieJullie · 18/03/2023 13:02

spelunky · 18/03/2023 11:39

I'm similar OP, I hardly ever meet people I'm attracted to.

I'm married so it's not an issue now (obviously very attracted to my H) but when we first got together, he was the only person I'd been attracted to in years - so I was very happy/ relieved we did get together!

One thing I will say is that online dating/ speed dating simply did not work for me. Theres something about the forced nature of it and meeting someone purely for that purpose, which is quite off putting to me, even if they are otherwise attractive. I need to get to know someone in a more normal context for quite a long time before I can feel attracted to them.

If the men you are dating are all from online dating then maybe it's more about the way you are meeting people than the people themselves?

I met my H through a hobby which was just perfect as I saw how he was around other people, saw him pursuing a passion, feeling relaxed etc. It was much more natural and easy. And I actually wasnt attracted to him straight away, it took almost a year until I knew him properly that I realised 😂

Your experience resonated a lot with me, especially the bit about the forced nature of online dating. So much pressure so early on.

OP posts:
TokyoStories · 18/03/2023 13:04

I would agree with the PP who found it difficult to be attracted to men via OLD. I’ve done OLD quite a bit in the past and had a few very brief relationships from it. They all ended/didn’t go anywhere for the same reason… I found it all so horribly awkward being thrown into this dating scenario when I didn’t actually know them. All of my LTRs have been with people I’ve known properly beforehand where an attraction grew and there was the frisson of trying to work out whether they liked me back or not, admiring them secretly, trying to find excuses to spend more time with them etc. OLD feels so… sterile.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/03/2023 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

I'm kind of similar - was always attracted to women and men (well, girls and boys) from puberty onwards, but all my LTRs have been with men and I remember thinking in my 20s that my bisexual attraction must have just "been a phase".

I believe that my urge for children was firmly in the driving seat during my fertile years. I'm now 50 and since entering peri about 5 years ago I find women much more sexually attractive than men.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 18/03/2023 13:31

I am 70, if my lovely DH should sadly drop dead I would not contemplate dating men. They let themselves go physically, but also mentally, and many seem to regress to grunting to communicate.

Original poster
JollieJullie · 18/03/2023 13:56

TokyoStories · 18/03/2023 13:04

I would agree with the PP who found it difficult to be attracted to men via OLD. I’ve done OLD quite a bit in the past and had a few very brief relationships from it. They all ended/didn’t go anywhere for the same reason… I found it all so horribly awkward being thrown into this dating scenario when I didn’t actually know them. All of my LTRs have been with people I’ve known properly beforehand where an attraction grew and there was the frisson of trying to work out whether they liked me back or not, admiring them secretly, trying to find excuses to spend more time with them etc. OLD feels so… sterile.

This 100%

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 18/03/2023 14:22

I'm not in the market for a partner at all, but I am very interested in, even fascinated by, what makes people attracted to each other.

I agree with PP that wanting DC and noticing time flying past, can lead some women to make sub optimal choices for the father of their children, which they either become resigned to or even regret.

For anyone who isn't looking to start a family, who is financially secure, it's a lot easier to be clear with yourself about what to look for.

For myself, I know that anyone with the right sense of humour who then shows interest in my opinion and laughs at my jokes will seem irresistible. It's happened often enough that I can remind myself what is happening before any crush gets out of hand.

My measure remains that having them around has to provide a more interesting life for me.

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