Partner pressuring me to join in on family trips

[radroa]

Last March I found out I was pregnant, partner was not supportive and wanted a termination.

I went for my BPAS scan, found a missed miscarriage and took the pills to medically induce the miscarriage. I found all of this incredibly hard and we had to have couples therapy for six months.

I've found the year anniversary difficult, mother's day coming up etc.

Partner has a DD and has friends who have children around her age and they want to go camping. I've said I don't want to go and partner has reacted really negatively.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable not wanting to go on a camping trip for children, when I don't have any children. Aside from him clearly invalidating what I've been through, I don't think that's surprising that I wouldn't want to go, is it?

I was 27 with my ex and desperate for a baby. He dumped me, and I spent the year I was 28 doing some long overdue therapy to figure out why I pick emotionally unavailable selfish men. I met DH at 29 and together ever since. We began trying for a baby when I was 33, had DS at 36.

I love going home every evening to my lovely family. To a man who will notice and care if I've had a bad day. A man who stood by me when I lost my job, when DF died, when I miscarried, he's been there for all the highs and held me in my lows. He's an amazing dad, he used to take random days where he would spring DS from nursery early just because he wanted to hang out with him and then finish work after bedtime. He had bottomless patience walking the floor soothing a colicky baby for hours.

My ex would never have done any of that. My ex is the kind of man that would have bitched throughout labour and used all the gas and air.

Don't waste any more time with a man who's a shit partner and who will be a crappy dad.

It's telling that his response to you saying you don't want to go was - but I need your car / but what will people think?

Not 'but I want you to be there / I'd love for us to enjoy this holiday together'.

That aside, you have every right to not want to go, for any reason at all - but your reason is very hard to argue with. Yet he is. He would rather you torment yourself and have an awful time than him have to explain to people why you aren't there. He is thinking of himself first (and only), despite what you've gone through.

You deserve better.

To add to what I've said above.... of course he would't have to tell people WHY you aren't there. But he is thinking 'what will people think' over and above 'I understand Radroa's feelings and want to protect them'.

He doesn’t have your back and I doubt he ever will. Find a better man, love.

My dad's wife went through something similar. We had planned to go on holiday somewhere shortly afterwards that was very family oriented and she felt similarly. That she didn't want to he surrounded by children and families and we all understood.

Tbh, we didn't actually like her very much but we all felt compassion for what she had been through and no one expected her to pretend she was ok when she wasn't.

That your actual partner isn't being supportive or understanding is unforgiveable.

Whats his relationship history?

How old is he and the child and how old was the child when that relationship broke down?