I’m clueless, truly, please help 😂

[Notmyyearthisyear]

I’ve been on OLD for a short time, mostly watching and not at all engaged, even he my profile hidden for stretches of time.
Last night found a message in my inbox… from somebody I know in real life! And actually like the look of, but assumed he was happily married 😂 I always tend to assume everyone else has their sh*t together, unlike me…
anyway… we only interacted briefly a couple of times in RL so not even that sure he recognised me on OLD… so I responded with a jokey message saying ‘hi, this is rather awkward.. assuming that you actually recognised me?’ followed by a smiley face… he read it later that night and hasn’t responded since.
have I blown it? Be brutally honest! I know messages can be hard to interpret, did mine have the potential to come across not as intended (jokey and light hearted!)
thanks if you made it that far! x

Well he probably is married and now you've let on you know who he is he's shit his pants and ran off

My thoughts exactly 🤣

Hopeful bump!

Call me naive but I’m 99.9% sure that’s not the case. He would have been far more cautious if so, he has seen me in real life and does something that involves one of my kids. all his bio on the site is genuine as far as I can tell.

I agree with the pp's. Either that or whoever it was was just fishing and 30 other women have the same message in their inbox. Just so happens you think you know him. Even if he isn't who you think, the lack of response to your reply message is telling you everything you need to know about how he handles human interaction! (clue: badly)

Not a great deal you can do about it now so assume nothing more will come of it and carry on your search.

Ok, thank you. There’s a good chance you are right!
but can you just humour me and please put this theory aside for a moment and just comment on my message alone?

Your message was fine.

Your message was totally fine. From my previous experience with OLD - don't put any stock in anything, even with people you know irl, till you've met and got to know each other a bit in that context.

Thank you. I’m not going to do anything, but still feeling a little hopeful. Yes, clearly new to this old stuff… feel free to give my head even more of a shake!! 😂

If I’d sent a message and gotten your response, assuming I had nothing to hide and I specifically liked your profile, I’d possibly respond to try and get more info about where we knew each other.

(Equally I might not respond as your msg is verging on cryptic - they obviously didn’t recognise you or would’ve said imo. I would have said where I knew them from in a reply, as it’s a bit like a test without that)

But ultimately per pp’s - if you thought he was married he probably is and messaged as he didn’t recognise you, especially if you’ve ’only interacted briefly a couple of times in RL’- most men aren’t that observant or clever/cautious on these apps ime

I don't think you've blown it at all but he might have read your message as you saying 'this is awkward...I'm not really interested'. Maybe! I don't know!

He may have just read it while he was busy and hadn't yet had chance to reply!

This is kind of what I meant @goinggoinggoneagain … that I wrote it in a way that’s really open to that interpretation. I can be a bit socially inept at times tbh! 🤷

If I’d met you a couple of times and was interested when I saw you come up on OLD and messaged you then got your reply I would assume you meant it was awkward because we knew each other and you weren’t interested.

If I didn’t know you, and I got that message from you, I would probably be confused and may not respond. It is a bit cryptic. Why not follow up with, ‘ Sorry, my last message might have been a bit cryptic. We’ve met before at xxx. I wasn’t sure if you recognized me. Happy to chat if you’d like to : )’.

Thank you @Anniissa and @Cleargreysky in particular, your proposed follow up wording is perfect, if I do decide to follow up 😊

Your message didn't show any indication you were interested. You said it was awkward.....that's not a positive thing. I like what @Cleargreysky has suggested

Why are you feeling hopeful?
Do you seriously want to date a (probably married) man who has already shown you how rude he is?

His lack of response has told you very clearly what he's like, & your best bet is to block him.

It’s interesting to see how varied your responses are here, I appreciate all the perspectives!
I’m not really interpreting his behaviour as rude tbh but it’s interesting to see how some of you do.

I don't think he's been rude..if anything, he is being respectful. The op told him it was awkward, so he's backed off.

@Comedycook thank you this is what I’m leaning towards right now, this is defo not what I intended to say but I think it might have come across like that 😕

I would totally interpret "this is rather awkward" as "oh crap, you contacted me on a dating site & am I'm struggling to tell you i'm not interested".

Would you try follow up message if he doesn't reply later "Hi, I meant to say I got a bit of a nice surprise when you messaged as I always thought you had a partner" or something that effect

@IAteAllTheTomatoes that’s exactly what I’m worried about 😕

Don't stress, you can fix it in a heartbeat. He wouldn't have messaged if he wasn't interested.

One message is all it takes.

Thank you, I really appreciate all your input and perspectives.
I’ll message later and hopefully fix it. Nothing to be lost by a polite friendly clarification, and I had such a good feeling actually when he messaged, first time ever on OLD!! 🙂

Hi OP, honestly, I think it’s you calling it ‘awkward’ that could have damaged his confidence. It would mine. Why is it awkward? I genuinely don’t understand that.

Agree a follow up message would be good. No emojis! (Just my personal preference). And good luck!