Found out partner has hidden savings

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Hi new to this but I recently found out my partner of 8 years has been hiding how much money he has. We are due to remortgage and our mortgage broker during a phone call mentioned his bank balance, this came as a shock as I’m currently on SMP and worrying most nights about whether we can afford the mortgage and make ends meet but the whole time he’s been sat with more than enough money to cover these costs. I’m still paying exactly half to all bills and have zero spare money for myself. I feel hurt by the lies and really feel I can’t trust him now but he doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem and can’t understand why I’m hurt but I feel betrayed, he knows how I’ve struggled with PPD too as money worries only added to this, I feel like he could have taken a lot of pressure off me if he’d have been honest with his finances. Am I being unreasonable?

Sneaky twat. My ex had a secret stash too.

Young women have been brainwashed.

There is so much in your post you have just made up

You do not know the partner has taken no hit
you do not know she is handing over anything from her savings, or if she has any
you do not know his savings are growing

on you saying it should be shared, i agree
and on the possible impact on pension and career (of which we do not know)

It's glaringly obvious. Not sure how you can't see it, to be honest.

So you're annoyed that you're not being financed by him? I'm not being rude but just because he 'can' afford to pay for everything doesn't mean he should have to. Of course you should still pay half of everything!

And her still paying half of everything don’t forget. So what sort of scenario would justify it?

I think having your own money is fine, provided it's not affecting day to day finances of both parties- it isn't acceptable to have you paying 50/50 and totally struggling whilst he has money sat there doing nothing and saying nothing either.

Partner or husband? Don't downsize your career if you're not married and remember that half of all childcare costs are his.

I tend to see/read what I’m told rather than fill in the gaps myself and jump to a conclusion. Odd approach on the internet I admit…

And there you go... School trip drama thinks exactly the way your partner thinks. Nothing will change their minds. Just know that's who he is.

I think everyone’s allowed to have their own saving pot that they may or may not disclose to their partner.

The issue isn’t that. The issue is that he sounds like a tight man who’s letting you still pay half of everything even though you’re receiving SMP. He sounds awful and I’m not saying that because he’s saved money that you don’t know about!

Why isn't it fair? As mothers, we make the choice to go on maternity leave and sacrifice work to spend time with our child at home. That doesn't entitle any of us to a 'free ride' (for want of a kinder expression )

But then I'll never agree with the concept of women staying at home and being financed by their hard working husbands. That's just my personal opinion. Even if I wasn't widowed, I would never, ever agree to that and when my DH was still around, everything was split right down the middle. Each of us having independence and our own personal finances

She blew her savings on something while he saved carefully, he’s terrified she’ll burn through the only security they have, their bills are around 1300 a month so her amp covers half, he’s a low earner but covers the other half after repaying debts she built up. The savings are their safety net.

see, anyone can make up total shit. How about finding out before judging?

Then he should pay her for providing his half of the childcare during the day, right? Why should she do that for free, for his child? He either provides 12 hours or childcare a day, or he compensates her for doing it for him. Just because she has the time to do it for him, doesn’t mean she should, right?

I always think the responses here have a lot to do with house prices.

Many are adamant that SMP (plus presumably child benefit) can't possibly cover half the bills. Of your mortgage is £2k a month, definitely not. If it's £500 then it's not so far out.

It also depends what we mean by all bills. Some mean only fixed costs each month but wouldn't necessarily include the food shop or the MOT.

Without this information no one knows whether this is abusive or not or the extent to which her DP is unreasonable.

It's clear that better understanding of each other's finances is vital to the future success of your relationship.

Why would he be paying off her debts?! 😂 Some people just fall over themselves to make excuses for selfish men. She had his baby for fuck sake, how about he provides 50% of the childcare if she has to provide 50% of the finances?

Can you enlighten us as to how this is possible, when she isn't earning?

Also, how about this scenario......if Op is the higher earner, if she asks her partner to be a Stay At Home Dad, so that she can go back to work full time, and he agrees, can you please say whether you think he should still pay half of all the bills? And if so, how?

No. Apparently better understanding isn’t necessary, we can assume anything we like and judge accordingly

Am I being unreasonable?

Depends how much he has in savings and how realistic your worry re paying the bills actually is.

If he had a few hundred and you are managing but worried still that's not the same as him having thousands and you looking down the sofa for loose change to make up the mortgage payment.

I suspect as you haven't been back since you posted over 12 hours ago we shall never know.

It wouldn't be fine if they were still expecting their partner to pay half on everything when they were on a reduced income like SMP. Doesn't happen quite as often the other way round though does it? 9/10 times it's the woman on reduced income either due to maternity, childcare issues etc. So not really comparable.
OP, fine for him to have a little put away, you should too. Not good if expecting you to pay half of the bills and knowing you are struggling amd have nothing at the end of the month. Infact, its incredibly shitty of him.

Why? She has no income bar £600-odd maternity pay per month BECAUSE SHE HAS JUST BIRTHED HIS BABY.

The baby belongs to both of them, they are BOTH responsible for OP being on maternity leave.

Maybe in some far off land of Bizarro World, where the woman got pregnant by a donor sperm, or an affair, against her husband's wishes, and really didn't have any other choice other than to take on all of the financial burden, of her lone decision.

Meanwhile, in the real world, if a man makes his wife pregnant, he should share the cost of having that child and raising it, and all that that entails, including paying for the house and putting food on the table, when the mother of HIS child is caring for and nursing HIS newborn, and trying to get her post partum body back to health, before she's kicked back to work.

FFS. I absolutely despair.

you need to discuss your whole financial situation by the sound of it. You shouldn't be paying 50% and being left without any money while he is able to squirrel it away.

Can you return to work while he takes paternity leave for a while, and let him see how to manage paying half on SPP?

As mothers, women AND THEIR PARTNERS make the choice to take their legally mandated maternity leave, in the best interests of the baby.

It's got fuck-all to do with being financed by their hard working husbands, & everything to do with her not being financially penalised for giving birth.

Yep. Some women love nothing more than spouting bullshit at other women though, it's nothing more than that.