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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My Husband is Texting Strange Women

21 replies

DazedAndConfused1974 · 13/03/2023 14:21

Not even sure where to begin with this one... I went to download my husband's check stub last week, like I always do. But when I went into his email account there was an icon on the sidebar lit up with a red dot. When I took my mouse over to it there were chats between my husband and 2 other women. I read the chats, they basically send him pic's (nothing obscene, but risque) and every now and then he sends them a $20 gift card. Of course, these women have asked for new phones, or money for this and that. He tells them that his priority is to his family first, he doesn't have a lot of extra funds, but he would help them when he can. He then sends a pic with the gift card & receipt (from our local stores) scratched off and I guess they can access it from there. He tells them that he's been thinking about them, misses them, has pet names for them, when they ask what he's doing, he tells them spending the day with his wife (me) or watching TV with me, etc. I haven't said anything to him, as far as he knows I am oblivious to what is going on. I can't seem to wrap my head around this at all - we have a great sex life (multiple times a week), great finances, never argue, always on the same page about everything in life. We are both older in age with grown children from previous relationships. I'm at a loss - I have searched for these women on social media and obviously they don't exist. They are not located anywhere around us. We talk to each other every morning when I go to work, I call him when I get off work and we talk until I get home, when he get's off work he's calling me and chit chatting about his day. He's always where he is supposed to be. What is going on? Do I let him know what I have found? Do I just keep monitoring it? I'm lost here, and I'm hoping someone can give me some insight...

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 13/03/2023 14:28

Outside my range of experience, too, but it sounds like he's paying women for cheeky photos. He won't be getting much for such minor amounts.

What else is he up to? Have you checked all his bank accounts?

These women 'don't exist'? You mean they have false identities to use when they're getting money out of men?

Hopefully, someone will come along who actually knows something. I can't help, but I'm curious. Sounds to me like a potential LTB case.

Palmfrond · 13/03/2023 16:27

Sounds like he is getting scammed.

Id confront him about it. He will hopefully be mortified. As he should be. It’s incredibly lame.

Channellingsophistication · 13/03/2023 16:32

Yes sounds like a scam to me

Aquamarine1029 · 13/03/2023 16:35

It's absolutely amazing and incomprehensible that you have not confronted him about this. He is having grossly inappropriate "relationships", and sending money to these people, whoever they are, but he clearly believes them to be women. If that's not a deal breaker, I don't know what is.

WatieKatie · 13/03/2023 16:36

Do you have access to bank accounts to view statements to see how regular these gift card purchases are?

Where is the gift card for?

Could it be a sugar daddy type arrangement?

Bearpawk · 13/03/2023 16:37

More fool him they're probably catfish scamming him, what a horny idiot

whattodo1975 · 13/03/2023 16:38

He isn't messaging women.
He is messaging men posing as women, who have some stock photos to send him.
All a bit depressing.

pensionconfusion · 13/03/2023 17:22

whattodo1975 · 13/03/2023 16:38

He isn't messaging women.
He is messaging men posing as women, who have some stock photos to send him.
All a bit depressing.

This ^

namechangeforthisbleep · 13/03/2023 19:55

Poor loser

namechangeforthisbleep · 13/03/2023 19:56

Not you, by the way. I meant him!

notthisagainforest · 13/03/2023 20:44

What a saddo. I would confront him and I would have the ick forever

Knitterofcrap · 13/03/2023 21:34

I don’t think anyone can tell you what to do, only tell you how they would react.

I would never look at him the same way again, and would feel really nauseated. Do you not despise him?

Up to you but it would be over for me.

Dotcheck · 13/03/2023 22:08

Insight- just another man trying to have his cake and eat it

PixelatedLunchbox · 13/03/2023 22:21

Try reverse image searching the photos. Definitely getting scammed. Men and their twitchy dicks can be such silly fools Hmm

Newestname002 · 14/03/2023 12:46

OP, take screenshots of those messages/files and send them to a new email with a new, unique password so he can't access them and/or send to your Cloud account with a new password so he can't access them. Once (if) you confront him with your evidence he'll very likely delete them and go on to denying as much about the content that he thinks he can get away with. 🌹

MMmomDD · 14/03/2023 15:46

He is paying for (what he believes is) custom porn pics. Specially made for him.
Probably gives him a bit of excitement - sneaking about can be that to some people.
He also, most likely, doesn’t think it’s big deal as it’s all virtual. And he doesn’t seem to actually want to make any of that real.

What you do with it is up to you. Personally - I’d probably say something like - there is tonnes of free porn - why bother when it’s most likely scam. And see what he says.

sykadelic · 06/05/2023 22:16

Sounds like a Sugar Baby thing.

RememberNancyDrew · 06/05/2023 23:59

He's caught up in a romance scam.

ELLAMAR00 · 07/05/2023 08:51

They are scammers there is a channel on YouTube about them and silly men all older that think models want to make a life with them. He cannot be that happy with you if he says he misses them that is terrible. Put yourself first and confront him.

HappyMe6 · 07/05/2023 18:43

I feel for you op. Gives me the ick massively. And to hear that he misses them I’d have his bags packed. Turns my stomach. You don’t deserve this

scoobydoo1971 · 08/05/2023 00:02

Kick him out for spending family money on this "hobby", being silly enough to not know he is being fleeced by organised crime gang and for disrespecting women, including you. We have all heard the stories of abuse, addiction and exploitation in the sex industry. He is accessing, or trying to access, pornographic material, and there are plenty of victims in that industry. Every gift card is sponsoring more abuse of men, women and children.

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