Fed up of him wasting all his money ...

[blureede]

My partner and I live together.
He earns £1,900 a month and I earn £1,300
We live in a cheap area to rent -our rent is £330 a month for a 2 bed semi
Our bills only cost around £1200 a month (including food )
So we have £3,200 altogether
So after bills /food etc we should have £2,000
We go £600 each
I'm left with £700 a month and he is left with £1,200
A week after payday he is skint
He has In the past gambled online but says he only spends £50 a month now
He got paid the 29th and has nothing left
So here I am covering him again for nights out /anything
He says he lent his friend £250 till payday
I don't believe him
I honestly think he's gambled it
So here we are two weeks till payday and he has nothing again
He never learns
Every month he says he will change and stop wasting money and he never does

Not sure how you’ve put up with this month after month… he earns more than you yet has to run to “mummy” and borrow money.

You need to have some big conversations which result in actions and accountability or walk away.

Do you want to be bailing him out for the rest of your life? Will you ever be able to rely on him, buy property have children if you are having to pay his day to day expenses

Don't you just lose all respect for him, when you have to pay his way month after month?

How can you fancy a man who panhandles you?

Gambling is a horrible, insidious and really immature trait.

Stop covering him. If he runs out of money, he should face the consequences instead of you bailing him out all the time.

You're being a fool to yourself.

I wouldn't recommend sticking with a gambler.

Who gives their boyfriend dinner money and pays for their petrol? It's madness.

He can't afford a cat if he is spending his money elsewhere. Or lunch. Or petrol.

Oh my God, I would get him out of my house as fast as I could. How can you have any respect for someone when you have to give him his dinner money because he's gambled his own money? On top of that, he seems to think you're completely stupid as well as he thinks you should believe all his rubbish.

He never learns
Every month he says he will change and stop wasting money and he never does

You also do not learn.
You bail him out every month and swallow his bullshit about change.

When are you going to stop?

Drop the rope he holds out to you here and let him go.

Enabling is not helping you or he for that matter; it only gives you a false sense of control.

Honestly OP, at this point he genuinely has no excuse. He physically cannot be skint by just spending £50 a month on gambling. Even with lending his mate money, he should still have over £700 left!

you need to cut him off and say absolutely not! He needs to deal with the consequences of his own actions!

My partner and I live together.

Well stop that. If rent is so cheap it sounds like you can afford it by yourself

You would be better off living on your own. He is a luxury you cannot afford.

Why are you with someone like this 🙄 the story of a gambler sounds exactly like my ex husband that's one reason the marriage was over within 6 months. All kept well hidden till we started doing bills together after marriage and then found a gambling and massive debt problem in his side.6 months later I had enough of lies,fake stories,giving him money,covering his half of bills etc and after finding out from some of his ex friends we bumped into he had been doing it for years and had never changed and apparently even gone as far as stealing bank cards off ex gfs and there families etc so ye gl

He has In the past gambled online but says he only spends £50 a month now
He's lying, & you know he's lying.

Every month he says he will change and stop wasting money and he never does
And every month he will continue to lie, & you will know he is lying.

Life with a gambler is a misery OP.
Cut your losses, & don't listen to any excuses/pleading/promises to change.

I'm sure @icecreamlover63 won't mind me sharing her thread here.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4460396-Youngest-Daughter-in-bits-on-phone-advice-please
Have a look at what she, her DD & DH went through with a gambler - & save yourself. It's not just the money, it's the lies, & the escalation of shabby behaviour, including stealing, coercion, abuse & manipulation.
Give yourself some peace, & end it.

Leave him. Tell him to leave. Stay in your flat and you’ll be better off. You can claim a reduction in council tax and universal credit towards the rent etc.

You’re literally paying to live with him. He’s spending his whole wage and half of yours too.

He is a gambler and will never change. Do not pay for his nights out, do not give him money, in fact boot him out.

Stop paying for him. It’s enabling him. He doesn’t need to learn, as he knows he has your money to spend too. He also lies to you.

the answer to this is fully in your own hands.if he has to borrow off of others, go hungry, lose his job, let him, he isn’t a child and you’re equally to blame as you just give him money, why would he stick to his budget when he’s got easy access to your money too

When he's gone hungry and had to walk to work a few times perhaps he will learn. When he gets paid insist he buys a month supply of pet things or take it out of the food budget and he has beans on toast.

She even says in her op she pays for his nights out. And is trying to make it his fault alone. It’s far from his fault alone, she literally enables him to do it and hands over her wages she works so he can do as he pleases and live as he pleases.

stop being a doormat op, have you already handed over your wages for this month to him?

You're paying to have this leach under the same roof!
He will drain you emotionally too
Get rid, you deserve an equal partner

Stop covering him, if he can't afford to go out he can't afford it!
If he can't afford meal deals, he can make lunch at home to take!
This is why he keeps doing it as your being a mug and picking up the tab.

He got paid the 29th and has nothing left
So here I am covering him again for nights out /anything
He says he lent his friend £250 till payday

Of course he doesn't learn. Stop paying for him. Even if he did "lend a friend money", he should be without now because he couldn't afford to! Stop bank rolling him or he'll keep expecting it. Not sire why you're asking tbh.

I concur.
life is so much better without looking over your shoulder.
it’s horrible whilst everything is going through and it hurts like hell.

but I promise absolutely promise there is light at the the end of the tunnel xx

So say he did lend his mate £250 (which I'm sure he didn't and even if he had done... he shouldn't be lending money he can't afford to) and did 'only' spend £50 on gambling, that would still have left him with £900 of his £1200 disposable income.

He's now broke again.

That means that best case scenario, based on what HE says re gambling and lending to his mate, he has spent the equivalent of more than £60 every day (on non essentials as bills and food are already paid) since getting paid.

How the fuck does he explain that?! How can you still be lending him money when he's spending at that rate?

This man doesn't respect you. He thinks that he is entitled to do whatever he wants and you are obliged to be his financial safety net.

Frankly you'd be absolutely bloody mad to stay with him even one day longer!

He is a addict. He isn’t going to change while he won’t admit he has a problem.

Why are you giving him your hard earned money 🙄just why? He's a gambling addiction, why tether yourself to this? Either leave or crack on, set some aside for him every month so you know where you are and don't end up going without.

Gambling ADDICT