Fed up of him wasting all his money ...

[blureede]

My partner and I live together.
He earns £1,900 a month and I earn £1,300
We live in a cheap area to rent -our rent is £330 a month for a 2 bed semi
Our bills only cost around £1200 a month (including food )
So we have £3,200 altogether
So after bills /food etc we should have £2,000
We go £600 each
I'm left with £700 a month and he is left with £1,200
A week after payday he is skint
He has In the past gambled online but says he only spends £50 a month now
He got paid the 29th and has nothing left
So here I am covering him again for nights out /anything
He says he lent his friend £250 till payday
I don't believe him
I honestly think he's gambled it
So here we are two weeks till payday and he has nothing again
He never learns
Every month he says he will change and stop wasting money and he never does

Stop covering him for nights out etc. He's chosen what to spend his money on for the month, don't let him choose how to spend yours too.

If the bills/food money has already gone where it needs to go, he will be fed and sheltered for the month, what else does he need? Let him go without, he won't change if he can keep spending your money instead.

It's stuff like dinner money for when he's at work and cat food /litter etc
Petrol for his car etc
So I will pay that out of my spare money

I wouldn’t want to tie my future to someone like this. This sort of shit was a major cause in the breakdown of my marriage. It’s stressful and exhausting

Get rid of him and his toxic lifestyle

You need to dump him. He isn't a good future prospect.

Leave
It won’t get any better

If you stop paying for him then he’ll learn

I would suggest separate savings account for X each so you don’t have any spare cash to subsides him.

I would tell him you have no spare cash when he asks because otherwise you are enabling his poor habits.

The next thing you need to ask yourself is - can you live like this for life?

"He has In the past gambled online but says he only spends £50 a month now"

I doubt that very much. Addicts lie to both their own selves and their partners (like he is to you) and denial is also a powerful force.

I am so sorry but your relationship with this man is over or should be because of his gambling. He is a gambler and its an addiction which is extremely hard to beat; it will further control him and you will cop the fallout, both financial and emotional, from his gambling.

All you're really doing now is enabling him and that will only give you a false sense of control.

Why on earth are you covering him?

He won't stop but he certainly won't stop as long as you keep bailing him out

Well don't.

Even if you were to stop bailing him out (which you should) his gambling addiction will continue unabated. You really do not want to be around to see that when he spirals further downwards and takes you in turn down with him.

You may well love him but he loves gambling more and probably also tells himself that he will stop when he wins big. That never happens. Educate yourself re the realities of gambling addiction.

You sound like his mother/enabler/support human in bailing him out; its a behaviour and choice you absolutely need to stop. He will keep tapping you for money as long as you are willing to step in and provide this.

He thinks of you as his piggybank. If he runs out of money he can just use yours. Does he pay you back every penny he borrows? And why does he think its OK for him to have almost double the spare cash at payday but he still gets to spend yours too? He thinks you are worth less than him. Get out now before he gambles everything away.

Don't pay for his stuff??? Any of it.

Tell him NOW that following the next pay day you will not cover anything for him. AND FOLLOW THROUGH.

My daughter lent money off us totalling hundreds and still constantly asked for more. We warned her in Oct 2022 that in 2023 we would lend her no money whatsoever. She needed to work and pay for her own things.

She asks a lot. And it's hard to say no particularly when it's car insurance or petrol money. But we've stuck to it! She spends her money on meals out, nights out and she refuses to work. People have to be responsible for themselves at some point - stop bailing him out.

If you've got no children get away from him NOW

This will never get any better.

First thing is, this is not a good relationship, and you should walk away. A gambler will invariably drag you down with him. This is sad but true.

If you want to stay, you need iron- clad boundaries. Does that £1200 incude the rent payment? Why don't you split the bills proportionately? You earn 40% of the household income, so you put in 40% of the budget. Cat litter should be a household item. You each pay for your car and mobile phone.

Why hasn't he been paying you back immediately.?

He is irresponsible and has got in the habit of you bailing him out so that is why he takes your money for granted.

He doesn't respect you so he uses you. You love him so he gets away with it.

Stop enable him op, it won't end well and this is a terrible role model for your DC if you have any.

He is being totally unfair on you.

If you couldn't treat someone like how he treats you because you'd be too embarrassed and you don't like to be so mean and selfish, then you know that.the relationship is toxic.

I dated a man who was crap with money. I learned the hard way. Yes he made positive changes with me, but his baseline behaviour was the same - spend freely with no thought. I ended it once I realized and he is now in the same debt he was when we met, having got out and got savings. Back to square one.

The lesson? See them for who they are. And don't go down with them.

Financially, you are incompatible. He’s currently spending £300 with nothing to show for it - clothes, expensive hobby etc, If you want a future with him, he needs to be transparent about what he is spending his money on - drugs, gambling etc.

However, I don’t think there’s much future in this relationship.

They do say that gambling addiction is one of the hardest addictions to get over.

As an aside, you wages seem very low. Are you on minimum wage jobs, entitled to benefits etc.

Stop. No dinner money, no petrol.

Leave him. Please leave. He will never change unless he wants to and he won’t want to while you are there to enable him.

we can give you techniques, encourage you to treat him like a naughty child who has to learn “natural consequences” to their actions etc. but why should you parent your partner?!

leave. If he begs you to give him a second chance, only do that if he proves he can live independently for a year without running up debts and borrowing money / lending money.

Could you have a relationship but live apart.

This behaviour is a massive red flag. Does he have a gambling problem? A drug problem? Both?

Firstly, stop enabling him. Stop bailing him out. Stop paying for him. If he has blown / lost his money, that’s his problem, not yours.

Secondly, think very, very carefully about whether you have a future with someone who has such a selfish, immature & reckless attitude to money. Do not even consider marrying him, buying a house with him or having children with him until you are sure he has sorted himself out.

You have no children or ties to this parasite.
He gambles, is irresponsible and you are enabling his behaviour by bailing him ouout.This isn't a loving relationship, he is using you.
You know deep down you need to end it.