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Original poster

Frustrated over household bills advise please

65 replies

tabbyw1976 · 10/03/2023 14:08

Feeling rather frustrated about household bills so after advice or tips or how other people work there bills if okay please .

I live with my partner( engaged) for five years and my 21 year old son he works..

My partner and I both work full time and earn same wage and get it same day each month.

My son pays us rent of £200 month.

He only home about twice a week as stays at his girlfriends rest of week ..

We have our own accounts for our wages to go into and spending then a joint account for household bills .literally everything covered..bills, food , rent, etc etc 50/50

We split all bills by half both pay in £600 each into joint account..have been for a while now ...

But with rise in bills we both need to pay extra into this joint account to afford bills now on.....so example £700..I just started my share of £700 this month but my partner won't , he feels he puts in enough!! £600 is acceptable in his mind!!

I try to explain bills going up but he has no interest , won't talk bills, don't understand bills in general ..

We use my son's rent money half to pay off a family debt of £100 ( as they helped us out in lockdown so came to agreement to pay them off monthly) then my partner says the other £100 pays for his short fall ...of £100 that's required...

Does that make sense,?

I put in £700

He puts in £600

But I feels that not fair!! Am I wrong in feeling this...

In the joint account we only have £200 a month for food..I am finding out it hard to make that stretch full month so usually end up finding extra money out my own account for food as I can't make £200 last...I usually do a food shop for £100 as time pay day comes round cupboards, fridge, freezer empty so fill them best I can on £100 , not actually full!! But you understand ...then save the other £100 as £25 week...to get us threw the month

When I say I have £200 for food for month he's like that's way too much , cupboards should be full etc etc why aren't they full!!

As I got to take extra out of my own account there isn't much left after I got car to pay for , child maintenance payments as my son lives with his dad and personal loan etc etc ..all before I met him...

Where as he has his car to pay for and his own credit card ..

I am finding it hard to comprehend all this..

Is this fair, am I missing something, better way of food shopping ..weekly instead of one big shop?

It's stressing me out a lot .to point he won't talk bills!!!

Regarding only have 200 for food. What's best weekly shop Or monthly ?!

Going forwards with it all what shall I do ..he won't talk bills and ends in arguments when I ask for more in the joint account..

Help😪

OP posts:
Moonlightsonatas · 10/03/2023 14:11

Don’t marry him until he pays his way would be my advice.

ny20005 · 10/03/2023 14:16

I wouldn't be buying any extra food with your own money (unless it's solely for you)

Tell him that as he feels £200 is enough, he'll be taking over the food shopping from now on

WinterMusings · 10/03/2023 14:17

Stop topping up out of your account.

he may feel £600 is enough, but feeling & being are two different things.

I couldn't live with someone so stupid & selfish.

but if you want to stay with him, you need a solution I suppose.

give him the £200 & put him in charge of the food shopping. Seems the easiest option to me.

Whose name are the bills in?

EL8888 · 10/03/2023 14:17

To be honest l feel l put enough into our joint account. But most things have gone up, so like you l put more in. Your partner sounds selfish and immature. You shouldn’t be worrying and planning about making money go further, he should be doing some thinking / research with you. Plus paying his way

Newusername21 · 10/03/2023 14:17

If your partner is not willing to contribute the extra = then neither should you - simples.
Then - when the money runs out do not start putting in extra from your own account.

If your wages are similar then I think both contributing 50/50 is fair. Unless your partner has been living under a rock the last 12 months - he knows everything is getting more expensive so should expect to have to pay more towards bills.

When the food runs out before pay day you'll have to start getting your partner to see the hard truth - there will be nothing to eat. It wont take him long then to realise you can't make the food shop come out of thin air.

Bonbon21 · 10/03/2023 14:20

I agree with pp.. hand him £200 in cash and tell him he can shop and cook... and keep the food cupboards etc full on that since he is so damned clever..
Also seems quite steep for your son to be paying £200 per month for approx 8 nights, but that does not excuse your tightwad partner paying his share..
Think carefully about the future cos he wont get any better...

PositiveLife · 10/03/2023 14:22

Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who "doesn't understand bills". I certainly wouldn't put up with putting more in when you're earning the same amount.

That aside, he claims £200 is enough for the food shopping so he can do it.

mrsfennel · 10/03/2023 14:24

I couldn't marry someone in a situation where a £100.00 was an issue, surely you both just put enough money in. It reminds me of relationships where one person goes 'oh you owe me £10.00 remember?' Or 'I paid for the pizza so you pay for the coffee and give me £5.00 to make up for it'.

Fluffyhoglets · 10/03/2023 14:26

Stop paying in the extra and go back to paying in the 600 only. Is that enough to cover the bills? Use whatever is in there left over for food then when that runs out use your money for your food and DS food. Where does the 100 left from ds go?

Newusername21 · 10/03/2023 14:26

I try to explain bills going up but he has no interest , won't talk bills, don't understand bills in general ..

He is an adult - and he needs to start learning how.

Try to pick a time when you are both calm and relaxed and then sit him down with either a spreadsheet or paper and pen if necessary and write down all your joint outgoings and show him. Divide the total by two, that way he can see in black and white how expensive everything has become.

AlmostaMamma · 10/03/2023 14:26

Why are you with this person? What for?

Why are you the one doing the food shop? If he thinks there’s sufficient funds, let him do it.

Why are you working so hard to hold this mess together?

Velvian · 10/03/2023 14:28

You're putting in more than £100 extra if you are topping up the food shopping too.

CatOnTheChair · 10/03/2023 14:34

I think your working 21 year old probably needs to increase his contribution too. 200/month is very cheep.

DP can go do the food shop if he thinks he can manage it better.

Or, kick him out.

DanceMonster · 10/03/2023 14:39

I’d let him meal plan, shop and cook with the £200 for a start.
What do you mean he doesn’t ‘understand’ bills? As he can hold down a job I assume he can also understand that if things cost more then he has to pay more for them?

wildseas · 10/03/2023 14:42

I’d sit down with a list of what you have and how much it costs each month (real cost including any extra you’re adding for food)

Id start by working to his agreement that he only puts in 600. Then your 600 plus sons 200.

then ask him what he wants to cut. If eg he says sky then cut the sky. If he says food then ask him to do that etc

Quitelikeit · 10/03/2023 14:45

£200 a month for food is simply not enough.

send your guy a WhatsApp
’hey start paying me £700pm or we are going to be going our separate ways and you can find a place if your own’

NoSquirrels · 10/03/2023 14:45

Well, do the food shop differently for a start. I’d split that away entirely from ‘bills’. And I’d take your sons rent out of it too for a minute.

So he thinks it’s £500 for 50% of the bills and £100 food per month, yes?

So add up the bills - is £1,000 a month right? If not, start there. How much extra do you need for bills?

Is the £100 debt payback to your family a joint debt? If so, add that to ‘bills’.

Put £150 of your son’s rent in the bills account and you and DP contribute the rest 50-50.

Then, put £50 of your sons rent money in a ‘food shop’ account and you and DP put in £150 each. Then you’ll be closer to a true spend.

crimsonlake · 10/03/2023 14:45

Why is your son paying you £200 when he effectively lives elsewhere?
Tbh I could not live with a man like this, you would be better off on your own then at least you would be eating well for £200.

Magenta82 · 10/03/2023 14:46

You both need to do a budget covering all household expenses to see if you need to add more money, 50:50 plus the money from your son seems fair.

He needs to do the shopping and cooking for a few months to see whether or not it's possible.

TwilightSkies · 10/03/2023 14:48

Why doesn’t he do the bloody food shop? Christ! Or does he not ‘understand’ that either?

Save yourself years of hassle and stress and just kick him out.

notapizzaeater · 10/03/2023 14:49

I'd let him bloody starve ! Spend the food money and then that's it - if he wants food he needs to start paying more

DanceMonster · 10/03/2023 14:52

I bet you do all the housework too, don’t you OP?

sixfoot · 10/03/2023 14:53

Why is managing all this your job?

Please don’t marry him, he sounds very immature and a bit useless

bussteward · 10/03/2023 14:57

I’d start putting aside the £100 of your son’s rent money for yourself as a leaving fund. Shop for you, not partner. If he doesn’t want to contribute to bills he’s not part of the household, is he? So he doesn’t get shopped for, cooked for, or considered.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 10/03/2023 15:02

tabbyw

re your comment
"Going forwards with it all what shall I do ..he won't talk bills and ends in arguments when I ask for more in the joint account.."

I'd be now giving this man his marching orders. This does not bode well for the future of your relationship.

What is the point of you and he being together now if he is like this?. Are you that worried about being on your own?. Better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied.

Marriage will not change such a man for the better.