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Original poster

Bf told me off for reading his messages

57 replies

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 11:04

Not sure how I feel about this.

we were watching tv together cuddled up and bf pulled out his phone to respond to his male friend who was messaging. I’ve met friend once or twice and he is currently on hol in a random place, texting bf funny updates. I gasped at one and asked bf about it, he then said “don’t read my messages”.

I couldn’t tell it the tone was jokey or not so asked if he was serious. He relented and said that it was actually fine which presumably means he was serious: he said reason for this was because his friend can sometimes send rude / inappropriate messages.

im fine with all of this but feel a bit awkward given that he literally pulled out his phone in front of me. What was I supposed to do, avert my eyes?

other than this we get in really really well and no issues. Have been seeing each other a lot for several months now - 6 or so months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 11:36

Hopeful bump

OP posts:
Donnashair · 10/03/2023 11:37

What do you mean what were you supposed to do?

It’s really easy to not read someone’s messages.

Sirzy · 10/03/2023 11:37

dont look at his messages. Seems fair enough to me.

ShiverOfSharks · 10/03/2023 11:38

Er yeah, avert your eyes. It's rude to read over someone's shoulder. Or if you read them by accident, don't ask him about them. It's a private conversation between the two of them.

Original poster
Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 11:38

He had his phone out in front of me!

OP posts:
ShiverOfSharks · 10/03/2023 11:39

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 11:38

He had his phone out in front of me!

He didn't have a gun to your head. Grow up.

perfectcolourfound · 10/03/2023 11:41

You didn't have to read the messages.

MichelleScarn · 10/03/2023 11:41

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 11:38

He had his phone out in front of me!

Did he show you the message or were you being nosey?
So you'd be happy him reading your messages over your shoulder?

Donnashair · 10/03/2023 11:42

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 11:38

He had his phone out in front of me!

He opened his phone and placed it in front of your eyes and then told you not to read it.

You couldn’t have possibly have carried on watching TV?

thisplaceisweird · 10/03/2023 11:42

It's bad manners. Unless someone shows you something is not normal to just start reading their screen because its in front of you.

Reugny · 10/03/2023 11:43

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 11:38

He had his phone out in front of me!

Look else where.

And if you can't avoid looking at his phone learn not to comment if you accidentally read them.

You are an adult

MarshaMelrose · 10/03/2023 11:43

You don't read other people's messages. I don't have anything to hide in mine but I'd be annoyed if someone read them without my permission. It just seems.intrusive.

DoorstoManual · 10/03/2023 11:44

How old are you ?

It is not half term is it ?

ShakespearesBlister · 10/03/2023 11:45

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 11:38

He had his phone out in front of me!

Just because someone has their phone out in front of you doesn't mean you have to read their messages. If he gets his post out in front of you do you read his private letters?

Corah5 · 10/03/2023 11:56

In your case it’s probably because he’s a fairly new boyfriend and he obviously felt it was intrusive that you saw his message. You’re clearly not at that “open with each other” stage of the relationship yet, which is good to know. I’ve been with my DH for years and we openly share passwords and devices, we wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest if the other person saw a message or commented on it.

jays · 10/03/2023 11:56

You sound quite young, if so, don’t worry, it’s not a big deal. It’a just one of those things, he wasn’t being secretive as he had his phone out in front of you, he probably freaked for the exact reason he said, in case his friend texted something rude etc and you got annoyed. It honestly isn’t a big deal and I don’t think he meant anything at all serious by it. Just make a joke of it a some point, do some over the top pretend side eyeing of his phone the next time he’s texting and lighten it up, it’s just one of those daft things that escalated and your feelings are hurt, just let get go and get back to being happy, sounds like you have a nice relationship and that it’s going well. X

ShiverOfSharks · 10/03/2023 12:05

Corah5 · 10/03/2023 11:56

In your case it’s probably because he’s a fairly new boyfriend and he obviously felt it was intrusive that you saw his message. You’re clearly not at that “open with each other” stage of the relationship yet, which is good to know. I’ve been with my DH for years and we openly share passwords and devices, we wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest if the other person saw a message or commented on it.

That doesn't mean it's the only way to do things. I've been with DH for twenty years but that doesn't mean both of us aren't still entitled to our privacy, or that I don't have every right to be annoyed if he reads my conversation with my sister about her marital problems over my shoulder or snoops on the fiction I write if I haven't given it to him to read.

perfectcolourfound · 10/03/2023 12:09

I don't have any secrets from my DH and vice versa, but we both respect the other is entitled to private conversations with other people (the other person in the conversation may want it to be confidential as well of course.

Whilst I wouldn't mind if my DH came across one of messages, it would be plain rude if he intentionally read them. If I happen to see a message because I'm close to him, I look away and don't comment.

furryfrontbottom · 10/03/2023 12:13

It is impolite to read messages on someone else's phone, unless invited to.

Hellzbellz25 · 10/03/2023 12:13

My ten year old does this to me and it drives me mad! I tell her not to read my messages

YABVU

GraceUnderPresure · 10/03/2023 12:16

furryfrontbottom · 10/03/2023 12:13

It is impolite to read messages on someone else's phone, unless invited to.

Absolutely this!
My bf & I have no secrets, know each others passwords, etc. but when he reads his messages in front of me & I look the other way unless he shows me them, it's just polite!

Watchkeys · 10/03/2023 12:24

It's not just his privacy you're intruding upon either, it's anybody who sends messages to him. Averting your eyes is the polite thing to do, yes.

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 10/03/2023 12:27

DoorstoManual · 10/03/2023 11:44

How old are you ?

It is not half term is it ?

Might not be half term but all schools in this area closed due to snow.

Don't read other people's messages

Original poster
Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 12:38

Point taken, thanks. Where I was coming from is that if I was literally sat cuddling with someone and started answering messages, i would expect them to see - probably wouldn’t click on anything controversial while we were in front of each other. But I do get that.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 10/03/2023 12:44

I think I'd point out to my partner that the messages were right in front of my face, rather than joining in with the conversation they were having. Unless he put it there specifically for you to read, I think you both made a mistake. If he didn't want you to read it, he should have made sure it wasn't in your eye line. If you knew it wasn't for you, you shouldn't have read it.

If you can't come to that simple conclusion between you and move on without consulting a forum, I'd doubt the strength of your relationship to be honest. It's a very simple, small conflict to resolve.

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