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Original poster

Bf told me off for reading his messages

57 replies

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 11:04

Not sure how I feel about this.

we were watching tv together cuddled up and bf pulled out his phone to respond to his male friend who was messaging. I’ve met friend once or twice and he is currently on hol in a random place, texting bf funny updates. I gasped at one and asked bf about it, he then said “don’t read my messages”.

I couldn’t tell it the tone was jokey or not so asked if he was serious. He relented and said that it was actually fine which presumably means he was serious: he said reason for this was because his friend can sometimes send rude / inappropriate messages.

im fine with all of this but feel a bit awkward given that he literally pulled out his phone in front of me. What was I supposed to do, avert my eyes?

other than this we get in really really well and no issues. Have been seeing each other a lot for several months now - 6 or so months.

OP posts:
LifeIsReallyGood · 10/03/2023 12:58

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 11:38

He had his phone out in front of me!

To me,if he had nothing to hide,he wouldn't have been so defensive.
No one else here will agree w me but I literally don't care.
It's true.

Dweetfidilove · 10/03/2023 13:11

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 11:38

He had his phone out in front of me!

This is one of the funniest excuses I have seen on here 😅.

You were rude and wrong. He was not impressed. Don't repeat.

ShiverOfSharks · 10/03/2023 13:12

LifeIsReallyGood · 10/03/2023 12:58

To me,if he had nothing to hide,he wouldn't have been so defensive.
No one else here will agree w me but I literally don't care.
It's true.

Show quote history

Oh, for the love of God. If I don't want DH to read a poem I wrote because I'm not happy with it yet, or something very personal that a friend confessed to me, or for that matter the email receipt for his birthday present, do I have "something to hide"?

Bookworm20 · 10/03/2023 13:17

These replies are mad. Op didn't go out of her way to read the messages. they were cuddling and he got his phone out right in front of her and started reading/texting.

She didn't deliberately and secretly read his messages behind his back.

If he didn't want someone to read his phone, don't be on it right in front of their face whilst cuddling them!

Of course every one has a right to privacy, but if its that important, read your shit when you're not cuddling your GF.

Its a bit like OP suddenly deciding to change her jumper right there in front of him and them moaning at him for looking at her.

WhitePhantom · 10/03/2023 13:18

His phone only takes up a tiny amount of the space that's available to your eyes 😅 Look at some of the other 95% that's available to you instead!

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/03/2023 13:23

It's disrespectful. I spend many hours cuddling up to DP while he messages people, not once have I accidentally read anything. It's just rude!

Whywaistedwyonna · 10/03/2023 13:27

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/03/2023 13:23

It's disrespectful. I spend many hours cuddling up to DP while he messages people, not once have I accidentally read anything. It's just rude!

Is this for real? 😆

Original poster
Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 13:29

Im really confused by these messages. Hand on heart, if I take my phone out in front of him when we are literally face to face, and I reply to a message in front of him, I am not bothered if he sees it. Likewise if I have my work laptop out in front of him, he sometimes sees things and will comment on them in front of me. I’m not offended.

OP posts:
Thoughtful2355 · 10/03/2023 13:39

i actually dont think yabu,

Whywaistedwyonna · 10/03/2023 13:40

I don’t think you’re in the wrong at all OP - I just think he’s nervous of what his mates might say and doesn’t want you to see it, in which case I would be telling him to go open his messages elsewhere and not in front of your face!

ShiverOfSharks · 10/03/2023 13:41

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 13:29

Im really confused by these messages. Hand on heart, if I take my phone out in front of him when we are literally face to face, and I reply to a message in front of him, I am not bothered if he sees it. Likewise if I have my work laptop out in front of him, he sometimes sees things and will comment on them in front of me. I’m not offended.

Well... he does mind so respect that in future and look away?

Campervangirl · 10/03/2023 14:10

Yeah you avert your eyes or whatever, you don't read other people's messages

Sirzy · 10/03/2023 14:13

There is a difference between catching a glimpse of something and reading it and commenting on it!

DangerNoodles · 10/03/2023 14:24

He's probably just setting his boundaries. I have nothing to hide but my phone is private, even from DH, unless I invite him to look at something. His phone is also private.

Reading messeges is really rude and intrusive. If you don't trust him, end the relationship.

Donnashair · 10/03/2023 14:25

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 13:29

Im really confused by these messages. Hand on heart, if I take my phone out in front of him when we are literally face to face, and I reply to a message in front of him, I am not bothered if he sees it. Likewise if I have my work laptop out in front of him, he sometimes sees things and will comment on them in front of me. I’m not offended.

I am going to assume you work for yourself. Because you should mind him reading things in you work laptop, if you don’t.

But assuming you do work for yourself, if you don’t mind him reading your messages that’s fine. He does mind. That’s fine too.

But either way, pretending you couldn’t have possibly looked, read them and reacted is silly.

Eyerollcentral · 10/03/2023 14:42

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 13:29

Im really confused by these messages. Hand on heart, if I take my phone out in front of him when we are literally face to face, and I reply to a message in front of him, I am not bothered if he sees it. Likewise if I have my work laptop out in front of him, he sometimes sees things and will comment on them in front of me. I’m not offended.

It’s basic manners not to read someone else’s messages good grief

hearbeet · 10/03/2023 14:49

Sadhaaaaa · 10/03/2023 13:29

Im really confused by these messages. Hand on heart, if I take my phone out in front of him when we are literally face to face, and I reply to a message in front of him, I am not bothered if he sees it. Likewise if I have my work laptop out in front of him, he sometimes sees things and will comment on them in front of me. I’m not offended.

That is a potential GDPR breach of hers reading your work messages.

picklemewalnuts · 10/03/2023 14:51

It's also basic manners not to read and reply to messages with your phone inches away from someone else's face, if you don't plan on sharing the content.

It's like someone playing cards and making no effort at all to hide their hand- makes it really hard to know where to look.

I'm assuming OP didn't crane her neck to see, or he'd have noticed.

ladykale · 10/03/2023 14:55

Read them over his shoulder or out of the corner of your eye, but don't be so obvious to gasp or react to them!

He's not hiding something or wouldn't be reading them in front of you, but you're not the intended recipient so shouldn't really read them

Watchkeys · 10/03/2023 15:19

picklemewalnuts · 10/03/2023 14:51

It's also basic manners not to read and reply to messages with your phone inches away from someone else's face, if you don't plan on sharing the content.

It's like someone playing cards and making no effort at all to hide their hand- makes it really hard to know where to look.

I'm assuming OP didn't crane her neck to see, or he'd have noticed.

If you're playing cards and someone doesn't hide their hand, you say 'Er, are you aware that I can see your cards?' You don't gasp.

TurnipSurprise · 10/03/2023 15:26

My ex would constantly read my messages over my shoulder it was so annoying!

Mom2K · 10/03/2023 15:44

I think he's the one being unreasonable to be honest but only due to the fact that he was doing something that he considers to be private, literally in front of your face.

I'm sorry...but what kind of moron opens their messages, that they don't want someone sitting with them to read when that person is snuggled up to them and can clearly see the screen?

The onus is on them not you. If he didn't have the phone out in front of your face, then it wouldn't have been ok for you to go over/try to see over his shoulder or whatever but the way he did it with you right there being able to see...I wouldn't have thought it mattered if you happened to glance over and see anything because he's doing it openly. Just like if someone had called him while you were sitting right there and could hear the conversation but he didn't want you to. You have ears, you're going to hear. Onus is on him to go somewhere else to talk or taking the call later when you're not there.

Getting mad at you for seeing something he opened in front of your face is idiotic.

Presumably he's an adult too and should know this. I don't think OP did anything wrong here.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 10/03/2023 15:50

And you deserved it, you had no right at all.

Sandra1984 · 10/03/2023 15:53

“If you don’t want me to read your messages don’t put the phone right infront of me!”

end off.

qpmz · 10/03/2023 16:01

It's too soon in the relationship to be that open and comfortable. You both still need to keep some mystery.

I actually don't understand why couples of many years share passwords and use each others phones. It tells me there's trust issues.

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