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Original poster

Self defence argument

59 replies

Theanthropologist · 09/03/2023 23:29

My DH insists on taking a small, wooden stick / weapon type object when he goes out.
He usually keeps it in his rucksack or pocket.
I don't have one and can't imagine many others do either. It makes me feel uncomfortable and anxious.
So we completely disagree on this and argue about it often.
He is into self defence and says "you never know".
I can't be doing with such an approach to life. And I'm also concerned it could end up getting him in trouble.
But he just explains it all away and says he is right.
Do I just have to accept this behaviour?

OP posts:
BIWI · 09/03/2023 23:31

What a bizarre thing to join MN to ask about. Hmm

Ihatethenewlook · 09/03/2023 23:33

So, is it a small stick or a weapon?

greenfingers39 · 09/03/2023 23:38

My ex did similar when he was high/para

Original poster
Theanthropologist · 09/03/2023 23:40

He bought it on internet and I've checked to be sure.
It is for self defence.
A hand held wooden cylinder shape.
Possibly to do with martial arts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theanthropologist · 09/03/2023 23:42

Have I posted this in the wrong place?

OP posts:
BIWI · 10/03/2023 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rewind20Years · 10/03/2023 00:02

You cant carry weapons as ‘self defence’

Jamiesgran · 10/03/2023 00:06

Do you know where he goes when he goes out? Trip to Tesco’s I’d not think self defence necessary, buying drugs well maybe.
But to the police it’ll probably be regarded as a weapon.

Directmedirectyou · 10/03/2023 00:06

I agree a weapon isn’t self defence. I also don’t see how it’s helpful for self defence in a rucksack. Does he think people will attack him in real life like they do in movies where there’s a 55 year old main character and he’s attacked one at a time by 25 year olds who will often seem to wait around while he breaks a chair leg off or something?

Original poster
Theanthropologist · 10/03/2023 00:12

That's what I say to him but he just argues back.
He always seems to have last word and out wit me.
He says right and that's it.
And of course there are other difficulties in our relationship, but I just wanted to highlight this problem now.
(BIWI your comments aren't very welcoming to someone asking for advice.)

OP posts:
benten54 · 10/03/2023 00:13

If he injures someone with it and he had it on his person then the self defence defence would likely fail as he's carrying and has anticipated using a weapon.

Being attacked and grabbing a stick or something falls in that defence

Eyerollcentral · 10/03/2023 00:14

I have known taxi drivers to carry something like this in the vehicle. Sounds a bit ridiculous from your husband tbh, had he been beaten up before?

Asformending · 10/03/2023 00:15

I'm not sure but it could be interpretated/ argued as a pre meditated action if he ever did have to use it.

My teenager once called me when out to say she was fearful a group of youths were threatening her. I took a baseball bat with me in the car to collect her, as I also had to take two toddlers along in their car seats ( nobodyhome to look after them). Luckily all was OK when I arrived but I reported the youths conduct/threatening behaviour to the police. They arrested the group who received a police caution, but at same time the police Sgt tried to give me a caution for taking a weapon to the scene. I refused to accept it and suggested he escalated the matter if he wasn't happy but I'd go to local press. He didn't.

Subsequently after the parents of these undesirable youths got involved and the bullying continued, we filed something at local court on advice of one of the police officers involved and judge put an injunction on both adults and children of one of the families stopping them from communicating with or come near my daughter or our home for a year.

Original poster
Theanthropologist · 10/03/2023 00:18

Thank you for all the replies.
And to reassure me about what I think.
He has been in fights when younger and it's kind of his approach to life if you get me.
He is not as trusting of others as I am.
He says I'm unrealistic and woke.

OP posts:
moonpixel · 10/03/2023 00:20

Do I just have to accept this behaviour?

Are you serious?

Of course you don't.

RotundBeagle · 10/03/2023 00:22

It's called a kubotan and they're illegal. Even a heavy torch is illegal if specifically carried for that purpose.

But tbh it's not that different from learning to box for self defence. Blokes are 4x more likely to be assaulted by a stranger than us so they probably see it a bit differently. It's like how they don't understand why we're worried about sexual assault because they don't have to worry about it themselves.

Original poster
Theanthropologist · 10/03/2023 00:24

Sorry, what I said doesn't read well.
That's the whole point, I don't want to put up with it, but he won't change.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theanthropologist · 10/03/2023 00:31

Yes, that's what it looks like.
I'm a woman and do not carry a weapon!
And I honestly can't believe many men have them.
I wish my husband didn't and I hate it tbh.
He won't be told.
It's embarassing to talk to my friends about it, so I talk on here instead.

OP posts:
Rosula · 10/03/2023 00:38

The police always advise against carrying weapons for self defence because almost inevitably they end up being used against the person carrying them.

PizzaPastaWine · 10/03/2023 00:45

It's an offence. Possession of an offensive weapon.

Up to 4 years in prison.

Carrying for self defense is no defense.

Law aside, this would really bother me and I'd be calling time on the relationship. It's a ridiculous thing for anyone to do but a grown man?

RotundBeagle · 10/03/2023 00:55

For most blokes it's pretty odd behaviour but it's also context specific. I used to carry a three cell maglite in my door pocket when I drove trucks around Birmingham city centre at night. I often had to reverse down alleys between shops and ring the bell on the shutter to notify them of might arrival. Sometimes there were homeless guys and druggies lurking about.

I once had to crack a guy over the head with it as he wouldn't leave me alone and was becoming threatening - I shut him down before be could escalate further. Without that torch to hand things might've turned out very differently.

TooBigForMyBoots · 10/03/2023 01:00

Theanthropologist · 10/03/2023 00:24

Sorry, what I said doesn't read well.
That's the whole point, I don't want to put up with it, but he won't change.

You want leave him because of this?

Bepis · 10/03/2023 01:04

benten54 · 10/03/2023 00:13

If he injures someone with it and he had it on his person then the self defence defence would likely fail as he's carrying and has anticipated using a weapon.

Being attacked and grabbing a stick or something falls in that defence

This is spot on. If you grabbed something like your keys and used them, that would be self defence because you would have had your keys on you anyway. But if you deliberately and intentionally go out armed with a weapon for self-defence then he could find himself ending up in prison if he ever used it. It couldn't be argued away as an every day item as regular people don't carry sticks around.

Topseyt123 · 10/03/2023 01:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Why?

OP, sounds like your husband has a big bee in his bonnet here. Maybe it will stop buzzing so loudly at some point.

barmycatmum · 10/03/2023 01:14

Huh. I carry a weapon and/ or pepper spray at all times when I am walking alone. I didn’t think this was a problem.
isn’t it his business, if it makes him feel safer?

it certainly would be better if he carried something LEGAL, as there’s no “self defense” argument that will get him out of trouble if he is carrying an illegal weapon and something happens. Even then. It’s still an illegal weapon on his person.

he’d be better directed to take martial arts/ self defense and get something legal