Self defence argument

[Theanthropologist]

My DH insists on taking a small, wooden stick / weapon type object when he goes out.
He usually keeps it in his rucksack or pocket.
I don't have one and can't imagine many others do either. It makes me feel uncomfortable and anxious.
So we completely disagree on this and argue about it often.
He is into self defence and says "you never know".
I can't be doing with such an approach to life. And I'm also concerned it could end up getting him in trouble.
But he just explains it all away and says he is right.
Do I just have to accept this behaviour?

People telling OP to try another website, wth. It’s something they’re worried about in their relationship. So rude- haven’t ever seen people react quite like this before.

Thanks for all the replies and advice.

My daughter is a nurse, and they were given safety advice by the police. One suggestion was to get a piece of lead pipe No Longer than 17 inches, wrap it in gripping tape and keep it in the car door or on the car seat. Length is important because over 18 inches is a weapon but less than isn't. especially traveling after night shift it gives some protection or peace of mind.

Self-defence is not attacking someone with something deliberately carried as a weapon. The goal of self-defence is to stop injury to yourself and get away, not to injure the other party.

Not that that really matters. It sounds like you're unhappy with him in other way. I don't think this is about the weapon. Remember, you can leave him for any reason or none at all.

@barmycatmum presume you're not in the UK, because it's not legal to carry pepper spray.

Are you in the U.K.? Isn't pepper spray illegal?

Not as clear-cut as it might appear - juries are applying their own values in their verdicts rather than the letter or spirit of the law.
In this case, pursuers were armed but I don't believe showed their weapons, they were both killed by a man who did get jailed, but for solely for possession of a bladed article. www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-essex-62251542
If the OP's other half was attacked but apparently equipped for a fight, jurors might similarly side with the attacker.

If it's a kubotan, you could be looking at an offence having it in the house aswell as out!

Poses an offensive weapon inside a public place, it doesn't sound like there would be a defence for that either.

Whichever way you look at it, by law, he's in the wrong

Oh, sorry, I am not in the UK. Maybe that is part of the reason why people’s reaction to this surprises me- I do not walk alone unarmed 😂 but yes, not in the UK

Ps, apologies! I should NOT be saying what is and is not legal, as I live outside the uk! Stupid of me!

I do think if this bothers you, and there’s any other reason this has become something that bothers you (something else in your relationship) it is important to listen to your own feelings.

Yeah you can't carry something that's an obvious weapon and then claim self defence.

Does he even practice the martial art? If not, he's not going to do much damage with a weapon he doesn't know how to use.

Nonsense. There is no '18inch rule'
Carrying it for the purpose of a weapon remains illegal.

That's what I say to him but he just argues back.
He always seems to have last word and out wit me.
He says right and that's it.

By the looks of it, you have far bigger problems than him carrying a weapon in his rucksack. Yes of course, if in the event of an altercation he grabs it, even in self defence, he will find himself in deep shit with the courts. Unfair as it may seem, you can’t take along any item which you plan to use to protect yourself should you feel the need

He has done martial arts in the past and the whole idea of justifying revenge and protection, if necessary, as he would say.
My take on all this is the complete opposite, but he tells me I'm wrong.
He won't change and that's part of the bigger problem, as some of you have recognised.

If he ever got stopped and searched by the police (unlikely tbf but still) he'd have to explain why he was carrying it. If he said self defence he'd probably be arrested.

If you happen to be carrying something that has a legitimate legal use and you happen to use it IF you are attacked, that is self defence. So women can't carry pepper spray preempting being attacked, but they can carry a small hairspray or body spray, technically.

Your husband has bought a weapon which is very different from straight self defence.

I've found that people project their feelings about themselves on to the wider world. If someone feels capable of hurting people on a daily basis they feel the world is the same. He sounds quite immature in his reasoning skills. Does he have a temper?

He does have a temper yes.
A bad one.
Everything is disproportionate.
But if I say anything, he puts his case, strongly.

A rolled up magazine/newspaper can be an effective weapon. I once saw someone brought down by a baguette - a swift jab in the stomach by the hard crusty end was all that was required. My point is anything can be used for self defence, so there is no need to carry a weapon. The best method of self defence is to stay out of trouble, have some situational awareness etc.

OP, your husband sounds very aggressive. Does he get into trouble often?

While I agree that he should be mindful and aware that a kobutan is illegal, I don't think I'd have a problem with it per se. I've carried pepper spray. I knew it was illegal and I didn't care, because avoiding sexual assault was more important. I started after one of my friends was grabbed by a man at night on a dark street - she carried pepper spray and got away because of it.

But OP - his bad temper and habit of overriding you in arguments is much more concerning.

So, he's got a bad temper and martial arts training and he carries around a weapon "just in case"? I think he sounds like one of the people we should all be scared of meeting rather than him needing it for self defence.

OP, I dont think you're going to convince him otherwise and if there are other issues in your relationship and if he's aggressive, then I personally wouldn't be trying as it might put you in harm's way.

Apologies for some of the responses you've had. I've reported one of them.

Using self defence as mitigation or defence in court is a separate matter from carrying an offensive weapon.

Your self defence gambit could be successful, but that doesn't mean you weren't guilty of carrying an offensive weapon.

Why did you tell the Police you had brought a baseball bat in the car?

That's odd behaviour. But as many have said carry a weapon in the UK IS an offence and if he used it on someone who was unarmed even in self-defence it wouldn't be considered 'proportionate' and he could end up on serious charges.
He'd need to say it was for martial arts and he just happened to have it in his bag. Admitting it's being carried around in case of a fight breaking out = jail time

This is terrible advice if that’s the UK

Anything carried with the intent of being a self defence weapon is an offensive weapon

Modifying a lead pipe with grip tape is making a cosh which is an improvised offensive weapon

Not only that but being hit by a lead pipe can kill

The length is irrelevant
(There is legislation on the length of penknife blades at 3” but with the specific circumstances a shorter blade can be an offensive weapon and a longer blade can have a valid purpose)

@Theanthropologist
As mentioned already a kubotan is entirely illegal in the UK

If he even knows how to use a kubotan properly then a pen will do perfectly well

Proper use of a kubotan is against pressure points - he needs to know exactly how to do so,exactly what pressure to apply and to be in a struggle with the attacker

Another use is as a jabbing object whilst fighting, a bunch of keys will do that - and kubotans are often carried on a key ring which renders it redundant

The best form of self defence is to get out of the situation