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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Affair Blame

6 replies

Phiphi02 · 09/03/2023 17:52

DM blamed me for my husband's affair and suggested I hadn’t gone out for enough dinners with him and that lots of people forgave affairs. This encouraged me to take my husband back which emboldened him to continue the affair and behind abusing me if I questioned anything for a whole year. He has now left after the affair was discovered by the OW’s husband.
I don’t know where to turn.

OP posts:

Dery · 09/03/2023 19:14

Really sorry to hear how badly your mum let you down. Do you have other support in real life?

WidthofaLine · 09/03/2023 19:20

Has he left to be with the ow, or has he left so the ow's husband doesn't turn up and threaten him ?

Where's he gone ? his parents or rented his own place or with her ?

WidthofaLine · 09/03/2023 19:23

So basically he's in hiding ?

Womblemumma · 09/03/2023 19:25

Draw a line under him OP. It’s time to get your life back. Ignore DM. Anything she has to say is irrelevant as it’s your life and not hers. I would tell her that straight if she pipes up.
good luck x

username1722 · 09/03/2023 21:37

Sorry to hear that you've had so little support, especially as you are the one who has been hurt in all of this. Ignore your mother, it's some weird old-school way of thinking that does not apply to 2023. You will do just fine without him. It's time to move on. You can do better than this.

Buildingthefuture · 10/03/2023 04:49

It’s not your fault op. Affairs are always a choice. And if he was unhappy in the relationship (whether he was or not, he will say he was, it’s part of the “script”) he had other options. He could have suggested counselling, or more time together etc. but he didn’t. He chose to stick it somewhere else and to carry on doing that, even when you gave him a second chance. That is on him, not you. If DM raises it again I would very firmly tell her to back off. You need to start doing what’s best for you now and that does not include this selfish man. He’s a weak, pathetic liar. Who wants one of those???

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