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Original poster

is this cheating?

91 replies

wb73117 · 07/03/2023 16:19

I recently caught my husband exchanging flirty albeit jokey messages with another woman on a social media platform.

Two of the messages that were harder for me she said “ i hope this isn’t inappropriate but that made my nips hard” she was referring to a voice message he had left. In the voice message he wasnt saying anything inappropriate she was saying that the sound of his voice did that. He responded with “lol, well maybe I should do that more often then 😉” She responded with “ oh I already have a huge sex labido that might put me over the edge” Later on he messaged her and said “ saw your post on instagram, you are looking reallllly good 😉”

He told me he didnt see like that and that he was just trying to be nice. I feel somewhat betrayed because I would never feel comfortable having a conversation like that with someone other than him.

I guess I just dont know how to move forward and looking for advice.

OP posts:

LooseGoose22 · 21/03/2023 12:53

wb73117 · 07/03/2023 18:54

I feel like I need to say that they were talking about cartoon characters that they thought were hot and he was doing that voice of that character she found hot when she said “ it made her nips hard” he then started every voice message sounding like that character.
There is a part of me thats like its a harmless joke but the sexual undertones and the fact he told her that she is looking reallllly good 😉 after that conversation… pushed it from fun banter to something further

It doesn't matter if they talking about cartoon characters .... They moved from a "jokey" convo a out which cartoon characters they find sexy/attractive to her throwing in an extremely sexual comment, and him encouraging that dynamic by repeatedly doing what she said turned her on.

Then he highly praised her looks.

Why are they exchanging so many voice messages too?

Where do you think you'd be if he'd caught you having these exchanges?

Do you think you'd still be living together?
Do you think he'd be a happy bunny?
Do you think your relationship would be secure?

LooseGoose22 · 21/03/2023 13:02

bamboonights · 07/03/2023 21:47

This. It's flirting, inappropriately. I dint know why people automatically assume it's cheating. Your husband needs to learn how to shut down inappropriate flirting.

Show quote history

It's not flirting, it's sexting.

"You doing that voice made my nipples hard" is not flirting, it's sexting.

Responding with "I must do it more often then" and proceeding to leave all voice messages in that voice is, likewise, sexting.

That's why people think it's a form of cheating.

perfectcolourfound · 21/03/2023 15:09

Yeah, it is cheating. I would leave my DH for that. The fact they haven't met is irrelevant.

For 1, you can't be sure they haven't met. 2, even if you are sure, it doesn't mean they didn't want to meet / wouldn't have eventually met. 3. Cheating isn't just about meeting up. He's behaving in a sexual way with another woman. Flirting. Encouraging her. He knows it's inappropriate.

This was good advice:
So his opinion of what he's done dictates how you should feel about it? If he makes you food you hate for your dinner, but he doesn't see it like that, will you enjoy eating it?

He doesn't get to tell you whether you should be upset or not. You are upset.
And you're upset with very good reason. Because he's chatting up another woman. Maybe more of course, because he's shown you can't trust him not to chat up other women.

He said he was just being nice - why does he feel the need to be nice to a complete stranger? Does he say similar things to men he's friends with online, to be nice to them? I thought not.

LooseGoose22 · 21/03/2023 18:29

He said he was just being nice

Yeah "nice" wouldn't be getting into a flirtation where a woman who's not his wife thought it was ok to send a message saying something extremely sexual in the first place (which she was proven entirely correct in thinking) .... And most definitely wouldn't be encouraging her.

He wouldn't be in the situation in the first place if he was acting nicely to the parties involved, and if he wanted to get nice he should have said "Ah that's it not tmi sorry lol. Not the sort of conversation I should be having as a married man. I'm sure plenty of other men would appreciate it a lot though".

Would wanting to be "nice" be accepted as an excuse from op if a man sent her a message saying "might be inappropriate blah blah bug your voice just made my dick hard" and her response was to say "well I must leave more voice messages again lol" and then leave more messages for him. (And tell him he's looks really good in his SM photo).

Op, he's he out the door. You'd be at the wrong end of a divorce solicitor pretty quickly. At the very least, he's be absolutely enraged, insist you cut all contact with the man and would still have serious trust issues with you.

LooseGoose22 · 21/03/2023 18:31

*Ah that's a bit tmi sorry lol. Not the sort of conversation I should be having as a married man. I'm sure plenty of other men would appreciate it a lot though".

Mummypig32 · 21/03/2023 19:01

Yes it is cheating and if that was my dh I'd divorce him for a lot less.

Truckgirl1988 · 08/05/2023 02:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/05/2023 02:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

There's a sex board for this kind of weird shit. Truck 'girl' my arse.

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 08/05/2023 02:40

Make a male sm account and engage in some flirty sexual banter. Leave the messages where he can find them and see if he feels them same way. I bet he won't

MissTrip82 · 08/05/2023 02:42

That's awesome he's so nice!

His phone must be littered with similarly nice stuff he's sent to random old men. Bc nice guy.

PLEASE.

CinderGhoul · 15/07/2023 20:39

I'm a man and when men are looking for attention at other places especially women across the country, he's probably bored and wants some fun. Maybe you are out of shape and he wants a hotter woman. Not saying its good or bad, but when men cheat its usually boredom but they still love you, if women cheat its because they are out of love. Either way I do think thats cheating, if you do something with another person that your partner wouldn't like, then thats cheating.

C1N1C · 15/07/2023 20:50

Lots here saying they wouldn't put up with it, would end the relationship etc for saying to someone on the other side of the country (unlikely ever to meet?) that he should flirt more often and saying she's hot...

...but lots a month ago were saying a wife sucking whipped cream off a stripper's penis was forgivable.

annlopez · 15/07/2023 21:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FuckNuggets · 15/07/2023 21:30

CinderGhoul · 15/07/2023 20:39

Maybe you are out of shape and he wants a hotter woman.

JFC! 🙄

FernFae · 17/07/2023 07:09

Op sending hugs. I'm going through exactly the same right now. Hope you are ok.

It's definitely flirting, crossing boundaries and sexting and out of order. He should be shutting it down like pp have said. Unfortunately I'm in the same boat but it's hard to just end things due to various reasons. It's really upsetting and takes the absolute p.

Have you spoken to him about it?

FernFae · 17/07/2023 10:20

Sorry I mean spoken to him since about it, any updates?

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