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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend unsure to meet attacker friend

98 replies

PopsicleHustler · 07/03/2023 13:44

Its quite long and I have changed the names.
Advice required.

Katie is friends with Rachel and Tina. Tina is in a relationship with John.

One day Rachel is at Katie's House for lunch and Tina and John pop round. John is very funny and polite and outgoing,
Tina is same. After Tina and John leave, Rachel tells Katie how handsome and gorgeous John is, Rachel tells her he is with Tina and very loved up and happy.

Some weeks later Tina and John
break up,
Tina is devastated but moves on and keeps herself busy with her work and her family. For context she lives with her mum and brother and has a close relationship with them.

Time passes by and Rachel and Katie are out for drinks, Katie tells Rachel oh yes Tina is very sad,
her and John broke up and Tina is devastated so am just trying to be a friend and support her during the break up, in general conversation. Not thinking anything of it .

Rachel then goes home and searches John on Facebook to ask him out but he flat turns her down, not interested and obviously only just broke up from Tina. Katie not aware of this until after some time.
When katie finds out she is unhappy and tells Rachel that she shouldn't have done that. Rachel points out she isn't a friend of Tina anyway so does it matter.

Katie goes out to meet Tina at the Hall where they have a joint hobby and there she meets Tina, Tina's mum and two girls that Tina knows Jessie and Abbey. Jessie and Abbey both have serious attitude problems, constantly looking Katie up and down and just being rude and stand offish. They have been like this prior to this day, so its just the way they are. In the break at the hobby, Katie tells Tina, Rachel apparently went and messaged john. Tina says why would she go for him when she knows he's with me, or how does she know we broke up. And Rachel says I told her one day, just in conversation and that i felt sorry for you and was trying to be there for you, I didn't know Rachel would ask him out. Tina is fuming. Literally fuming angry.

Tinas mum then says, Katie you better leave now before I beat you up. Katie leaves, gutted and annoyed and walks home rather than take a taxi. Its after 9pm so quite dark, After sometime Katie noticed a dark vehicle constantly following her slowing down, stopping and watching her. Thinking it is some strange guy she tried to get home quicker. Its a main road but not so busy this time of night. She is about 8 minutes from home when the car pulls up right in front of her. And out gets Tina, Abbey and Jessie and another heavily pregnant woman who stayed in the back. Katie is familiar with the pregannt girl also, we can call her Lucy.

They begin to pour beers over Katie's head and throw eggs at her, shower her around while calling her names, while Abbey threatens to beat Katie up because abbey does kick boxing. Katie becomes upset but stays strong and tells them to back off. Tina is drunk and shouting that katie should not have told Rachel that John was now single. Katie runs away, furious and hurting covered in alcohol and tells Lucy, she can't believe she sat there whilst they all ganged up. And Lucy said I can't help you, I am Tina's friend and I am close to Tina and am heavily pregnant. Katie leaves and goes home crying and disappointed.
The next day Tina calls Katie and tells her can we meet to talk. Katie reluctantly goes and meets Tina who apologises and says it wasn't my idea to pour the alcohol and throw the eggs at you,
It was abbie and Jessie's idea. And I wish I didn't, but am hurt because i really loved John.
Katie says I cant control what Rachel does and am sorry she messaged John but he is not interested in her. They leave it as that and Tina gives Katie a box of chocolate biscuits to apologise and they go their separate ways. Tina and Katie still stay in contact,
Tina moves on to a new relationship and leaves to live in America while Katie gets married and has children. After some time Katie decides she doesn't want anything to do with Tina, as pouring alcohol over her head was extremely disrespectful. Tina calls Katie one night to tell her she is so happy with her new man and proceeds to tell her something totally inappropriate about her private life with her man, at which Katie hangs up the phone not wanting to hear it, as its rude and silly.

A few months go by and Katie gets a call at night from Rachel, she says her and Gemma were in a restaurant having a meal, when Tina and her mother came in and started verbally abusing Rachel and Gemma. Gemma and Rachel both went to the toilet to get away at which point Tina's mother began to push the door open of the toilet and try and break it down to fight Rachel. Rachel and Gemma come out of the cubicle and meet with the manager who has called the police, Gemma and Rachel get into rachels car and immediately drive over to Katie's House to tell her in detail what had happened. Katie then discloses that Tina and her mum are just upset because they know Rachel likes John

Rachel says ' it doesn't matter, I am not friends with Tina and Tina has never liked me and I don't particularly like her. She is not my friend just someone I know through you. John has moved on and is married and happy. Tina has moved on. I have my life and my career, it doesnt matter anymore. '
Katie's husband Matt tells Katie that Tina is not a good friend and better off without her and that pouring beer and egging you is taking it to the extreme. Katie decides to go no contact with Tina.

Tina then contacts Katie to tell her she is devastated that Katie no longer wants to see her and she has no reason to visit the city that Katie lives in because she is no longer friends with Katie. Katie tells her ' I don't like that you attacked me that day with Abbey and Jessie and am very hurt. I also find it extremely inappropriate you told me how you cheated three times in your relationship to
her partner after John, and then describing your personal life and your new partners body to me in such a vulgar way'

Its now been 9 years since the last time Tina and Katie spoke and 13 years since the attack with beers and eggs, Tina is now back from America and single. And would like to meet Katie. Katie tells Matt, that the years have passed but finds she has matured and settled in her family life and would just like to stay focused on her family and marriage and not meet Tina. Matt agrees but Tina keeps messaging her to meet and make amends.

What do you think of this situation? Would you make amends with Tina? Who is wrong here?

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 07/03/2023 13:49

Fuck me you should write for EastEnders!

Katie would need her head examining if she chose to meet up with Tina.

Lucylock · 07/03/2023 13:50

That is way too long. Why not just ask if you should be friends with someone who attacked you? We don't need all the names and superfilous details.

No is the answer.

The woman attacked you and a leopard doesn't change its spots.

Plus she sounds rough as.

whatfreshheck · 07/03/2023 13:50

Tina is nuts. Katie needs to stay away

tribpot · 07/03/2023 13:51

Bloody hell that's a bit long. But to summarise, Katie had two friends who were not particularly friends with each other. Tina broke up with her boyfriend, Rachel then rather aggressively sought and asked him out. Tina's entire entourage including her mother lost their fucking minds over this (cries of Ross Geller 'we were on a break' come to mind) and assaulted Katie for the crime of telling Rachel this bloke was single. Later on same entourage assaulted Rachel for asking out a single guy.

Years later Tina wants to make amends but when rebuffed is pushing the point, suggesting that her days as a total psycho are not behind her.

Block Tina, block Tina's friends, block Tina's mother and never see any of these lunatics again.

YouAreNotBatman · 07/03/2023 13:51

All that drama because of some smelly boy?

Kick the violent abusers out of your life.

All this because of a man?! A stinking man!!??
Crazy.

PopsicleHustler · 07/03/2023 13:54

Tina and her mother think throwing eggs and pouring bottles and cans over someone's head isnt that big a deal can be made up with a box of Cadbury fingers!

Its so ridiculous and should be on eastenders.

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 07/03/2023 13:56

It sounds like John had a lucky escape from both Tina and a potential MIL from hell. And you can, too, if you block and move on.

LookingOldTheseDays · 07/03/2023 13:56

Tina and her friends and relations are psychos. Steer well clear.

But why did you tell Tina that Rachel had messaged John? There was no need, so you were stirring. This is a lesson not to stir the pot full of psychos!

RagingWoke · 07/03/2023 13:57

'No thanks' and block.

None of the other detail matters, you don't need to justify outgrowing a friendship. It's all very overly dramatic, and honestly 'Tina' et al sound pretty trashy.

SnackyOnassis · 07/03/2023 13:57

Good grief. Stay well shot of the whole situation, they sound like trash.

LookingOldTheseDays · 07/03/2023 13:57

Gossiping about which women are messaging the man your mate has recently broken up with will never end well. Never.

But still - block Tina and her whole entourage.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/03/2023 13:58

Katie should have called the police on Tina and her other attackers, pursued prosecution, and had more sense than to engage with any of those weirdos again.

Quveas · 07/03/2023 14:00

Sorry, I lost the will to live. Can we have the potted version?

Pirrin · 07/03/2023 14:03

Katie decided ages ago she didn't want Tina in her life. The crux of the problem is that Tina doesn't accept this. No, I do not think that's a reason to rekindle the friendship with Tina, Kaitie never need her permission to break ties. Tina and her family should be kept away from. I'd probably say something soothing like "no hard feelings it's just a lot of time had passed" rather than "piss off you psycho" just in case she ever sees Katie out and about!

StreamingCervix · 07/03/2023 14:03

Who are you in all of this? It feels like it’s taking up far too much headspace. Block them all and move on.

The only thing that would trouble me is my welfare/safety if I was ever in proximity to these louts, I would just remove myself immediately or contact the police.

Do not engage.

Fizzadora · 07/03/2023 14:04

Do you all live on the Chatsworth Estate?

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 07/03/2023 14:05

Lucylock · 07/03/2023 13:50

That is way too long. Why not just ask if you should be friends with someone who attacked you? We don't need all the names and superfilous details.

No is the answer.

The woman attacked you and a leopard doesn't change its spots.

Plus she sounds rough as.

I kind of agree with this poster. That's an awful lot of detail for a simple question
No I woyukdnt meet up with someone involved in physically assaulting me nor recommend same to a friend , even if it's 9 years later. There's some people you just don't need in your life.

Stalking in a group then Assaulting someone like that is not normal human or teenage behaviour so they would be in the category of "avoid and never speak to again "

It's not disrespectful it was violence and an assault over nothing- an ex boyfriend that someone didn't like their friend/"not friend" acquaintance speaking to or flirting with. When it was none of their business actually. Don't speak to someone that breaks a "girl code" or whatever if that was the issue but balanced human beings don't stalk and assault them!! They are lucky they weren't arrested and charged

LakeTiticaca · 07/03/2023 14:06

Jersey christ I thought I was reading about a bunch of 14 year old schoolgirls, not grown women!!
Sounds like the main instigator is Tina's mother.
I don't really understand why all this is still rumbling on after so many years, just block the lot of them (like you should have done at the start) and move on with your life

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 07/03/2023 14:06

tribpot · 07/03/2023 13:51

Bloody hell that's a bit long. But to summarise, Katie had two friends who were not particularly friends with each other. Tina broke up with her boyfriend, Rachel then rather aggressively sought and asked him out. Tina's entire entourage including her mother lost their fucking minds over this (cries of Ross Geller 'we were on a break' come to mind) and assaulted Katie for the crime of telling Rachel this bloke was single. Later on same entourage assaulted Rachel for asking out a single guy.

Years later Tina wants to make amends but when rebuffed is pushing the point, suggesting that her days as a total psycho are not behind her.

Block Tina, block Tina's friends, block Tina's mother and never see any of these lunatics again.

GrinGrinGrin

Good summary

tribpot · 07/03/2023 14:08

Thanks @WhereIsMumHiding3 the only bit I wish I'd included would be my advice to Tina and all of Tina's entourage to give up alcohol permanently as it's clearly magnifying their psycho tendencies and eventually they are going to end up in prison as a result.

Mabelface · 07/03/2023 14:09

Just block the bloody lot of them.

babytum · 07/03/2023 14:13

You’d get £200 in Take A Break with that story!

Pinkbonbon · 07/03/2023 14:17

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/03/2023 13:58

Katie should have called the police on Tina and her other attackers, pursued prosecution, and had more sense than to engage with any of those weirdos again.

This.

Katie was assaulted.
Tina and her pals belong in jail.

As for the one chatting up Tina's ex, she's your standard narcissist and you need to stay away from psychos like her too.

Katie needs to work on her boundaries and choose better friends. Never forgive violence. Never accept two faced friends either.

Scottishskifun · 07/03/2023 14:17

Crikey OP I think I just about followed that one!

Simply block and don't engage why would you?! They are clearly deranged and not worth the time or headspace!

Pinkbonbon · 07/03/2023 14:20

Block Tina on everything. Don't reply to her.
You told her goodbye years ago, no need to tell her again. Keep her blocked.

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