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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend unsure to meet attacker friend

98 replies

PopsicleHustler · 07/03/2023 13:44

Its quite long and I have changed the names.
Advice required.

Katie is friends with Rachel and Tina. Tina is in a relationship with John.

One day Rachel is at Katie's House for lunch and Tina and John pop round. John is very funny and polite and outgoing,
Tina is same. After Tina and John leave, Rachel tells Katie how handsome and gorgeous John is, Rachel tells her he is with Tina and very loved up and happy.

Some weeks later Tina and John
break up,
Tina is devastated but moves on and keeps herself busy with her work and her family. For context she lives with her mum and brother and has a close relationship with them.

Time passes by and Rachel and Katie are out for drinks, Katie tells Rachel oh yes Tina is very sad,
her and John broke up and Tina is devastated so am just trying to be a friend and support her during the break up, in general conversation. Not thinking anything of it .

Rachel then goes home and searches John on Facebook to ask him out but he flat turns her down, not interested and obviously only just broke up from Tina. Katie not aware of this until after some time.
When katie finds out she is unhappy and tells Rachel that she shouldn't have done that. Rachel points out she isn't a friend of Tina anyway so does it matter.

Katie goes out to meet Tina at the Hall where they have a joint hobby and there she meets Tina, Tina's mum and two girls that Tina knows Jessie and Abbey. Jessie and Abbey both have serious attitude problems, constantly looking Katie up and down and just being rude and stand offish. They have been like this prior to this day, so its just the way they are. In the break at the hobby, Katie tells Tina, Rachel apparently went and messaged john. Tina says why would she go for him when she knows he's with me, or how does she know we broke up. And Rachel says I told her one day, just in conversation and that i felt sorry for you and was trying to be there for you, I didn't know Rachel would ask him out. Tina is fuming. Literally fuming angry.

Tinas mum then says, Katie you better leave now before I beat you up. Katie leaves, gutted and annoyed and walks home rather than take a taxi. Its after 9pm so quite dark, After sometime Katie noticed a dark vehicle constantly following her slowing down, stopping and watching her. Thinking it is some strange guy she tried to get home quicker. Its a main road but not so busy this time of night. She is about 8 minutes from home when the car pulls up right in front of her. And out gets Tina, Abbey and Jessie and another heavily pregnant woman who stayed in the back. Katie is familiar with the pregannt girl also, we can call her Lucy.

They begin to pour beers over Katie's head and throw eggs at her, shower her around while calling her names, while Abbey threatens to beat Katie up because abbey does kick boxing. Katie becomes upset but stays strong and tells them to back off. Tina is drunk and shouting that katie should not have told Rachel that John was now single. Katie runs away, furious and hurting covered in alcohol and tells Lucy, she can't believe she sat there whilst they all ganged up. And Lucy said I can't help you, I am Tina's friend and I am close to Tina and am heavily pregnant. Katie leaves and goes home crying and disappointed.
The next day Tina calls Katie and tells her can we meet to talk. Katie reluctantly goes and meets Tina who apologises and says it wasn't my idea to pour the alcohol and throw the eggs at you,
It was abbie and Jessie's idea. And I wish I didn't, but am hurt because i really loved John.
Katie says I cant control what Rachel does and am sorry she messaged John but he is not interested in her. They leave it as that and Tina gives Katie a box of chocolate biscuits to apologise and they go their separate ways. Tina and Katie still stay in contact,
Tina moves on to a new relationship and leaves to live in America while Katie gets married and has children. After some time Katie decides she doesn't want anything to do with Tina, as pouring alcohol over her head was extremely disrespectful. Tina calls Katie one night to tell her she is so happy with her new man and proceeds to tell her something totally inappropriate about her private life with her man, at which Katie hangs up the phone not wanting to hear it, as its rude and silly.

A few months go by and Katie gets a call at night from Rachel, she says her and Gemma were in a restaurant having a meal, when Tina and her mother came in and started verbally abusing Rachel and Gemma. Gemma and Rachel both went to the toilet to get away at which point Tina's mother began to push the door open of the toilet and try and break it down to fight Rachel. Rachel and Gemma come out of the cubicle and meet with the manager who has called the police, Gemma and Rachel get into rachels car and immediately drive over to Katie's House to tell her in detail what had happened. Katie then discloses that Tina and her mum are just upset because they know Rachel likes John

Rachel says ' it doesn't matter, I am not friends with Tina and Tina has never liked me and I don't particularly like her. She is not my friend just someone I know through you. John has moved on and is married and happy. Tina has moved on. I have my life and my career, it doesnt matter anymore. '
Katie's husband Matt tells Katie that Tina is not a good friend and better off without her and that pouring beer and egging you is taking it to the extreme. Katie decides to go no contact with Tina.

Tina then contacts Katie to tell her she is devastated that Katie no longer wants to see her and she has no reason to visit the city that Katie lives in because she is no longer friends with Katie. Katie tells her ' I don't like that you attacked me that day with Abbey and Jessie and am very hurt. I also find it extremely inappropriate you told me how you cheated three times in your relationship to
her partner after John, and then describing your personal life and your new partners body to me in such a vulgar way'

Its now been 9 years since the last time Tina and Katie spoke and 13 years since the attack with beers and eggs, Tina is now back from America and single. And would like to meet Katie. Katie tells Matt, that the years have passed but finds she has matured and settled in her family life and would just like to stay focused on her family and marriage and not meet Tina. Matt agrees but Tina keeps messaging her to meet and make amends.

What do you think of this situation? Would you make amends with Tina? Who is wrong here?

OP posts:
Lordofthebutterfloofs · 07/03/2023 18:17

You all sound super classy. I wish I was you.

FuchsAndMöhr · 07/03/2023 19:37

NoneedtoquotetheOP · 07/03/2023 17:46

@FuchsAndMöhr it was war and peace the first time it was posted, really no need to post it again.

I realised that once posted. I thought the quote would condense.

My bad

Sorry 🙈

tribpot · 07/03/2023 19:46

Would be a good development request for MN, only show the first X characters of the quoted post unless you expand it.

Newestname002 · 07/03/2023 19:50

@PopsicleHustler

Tina and her mother think throwing eggs and pouring bottles and cans over someone's head isnt that big a deal can be made up with a box of Cadbury fingers!

Why on Earth would you want anything at all to do with people like this? Tell her politely, firmly and very clearly there is no friendship to save band you'd like her to not contact you any more. Then block and delete. 🌹

ichifanny · 07/03/2023 19:59

I’m imagining Tina in a tracksuit with socks pulled up and a bun on top of her head .

Redebs · 07/03/2023 20:02

Everyone is assuming that OP is Katie...

What if she's Tina? 😱

Womblemumma · 07/03/2023 20:04

Tina and her family sound mad as hell ! Why would you want to get involved with all that?!

tribpot · 07/03/2023 20:08

Redebs · 07/03/2023 20:02

Everyone is assuming that OP is Katie...

What if she's Tina? 😱

That would be fantastic. Tina - three words: Betty Ford Clinic.

Hiddenvoice · 07/03/2023 20:20

Personally I would block her number and block her on social media. You have both moved on with your lives so no point bringing up the last again. What she did was terrible, she wasn’t a good friend and the friendship seems toxic.
As you say, you are settled now, it’s not your fault she’s now single! Block and ignore!

Mom2K · 07/03/2023 20:21

Why weren't the police called and Tina and her friends charged with assault after the first incident when they threatened, surrounded, and threw things at you?

Their reasons for doing it are irrelevant, the friendship would have been over right then and there, and there and I would have never had any further contact with Tina, if it were me.

The answer is no. You've moved on. You aren't interested in reconnecting or rehashing anything in the past. Tell Tina this, block her, and that's that.

Mom2K · 07/03/2023 20:22

Or don't even tell her anything or respond at all. Yiu don't owe her anything, just block her.

Gagaandgag · 07/03/2023 20:33

I hope the papers pick up on this one

Gagaandgag · 07/03/2023 20:39

Op, if this is true - please tell us who you are. Are you Jessie?

Lostinplaces · 07/03/2023 20:44

Half way through my ADHD brain wandered off into fairyland and now I have no idea what’s going on.

Beeeeeeeee · 07/03/2023 20:51

I think Katie is a bit of a shit stirrer, gossiping about Tina’s relationship finishing, then telling Tina about Rachel asking the ex out.

Tina, her mates and mum sound unhinged. They physically assaulted Katie and the police should have been involved. Personally I couldn’t get past the assault and pursue a friendship. Opening to reviving the friendship is opening up to future drama. The difference is that you have kids now and must safeguard them.

Rachel didn’t do anything wrong but has had to endure a potential assault as a direct result of Katie’s gossiping. I feel quite sorry for her.

Hongkongsuey · 07/03/2023 20:57

Dodge that bullet and have nothing more to do with her. Ever. Psycho family.
I love the comment about you writing for Eastenders!

winterchills · 07/03/2023 22:50

Tina and her family are absolutely vile.

watcherintherye · 07/03/2023 23:04

Tina is a psycho

’Who’s a psycho?’ (Big Mandy, This Country) I can imagine Kerry telling this story!

Moser85 · 08/03/2023 02:27

I'm assuming you're Katie.

So basically, you mentioned in passing to a friend that another friend broke up with her boyfriend, and so then your 'friend', her friends and her lunatic mother decided to assault you in an extremely degrading way.

They are absolutely batshit. No you do not let people like that back into your life. Ever

Gingerkittykat · 08/03/2023 03:21

Which person are you in the story?

LexMitior · 08/03/2023 12:33

Tina is several mints short of a tin. Katie should avoid her FOREVER

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 08/03/2023 17:37

What am absolute bunch of chavs.

5arahL · 09/03/2023 13:13

FuckNuggets · 07/03/2023 14:56

Tina is a psycho and I'm not surprised John broke up with her. Her mum sounds nuts as well. Katie needs to stay the fuck away from her.

This ....

Total lunatics!! run away katie and never look back!

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