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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friend unsure to meet attacker friend

98 replies

PopsicleHustler · 07/03/2023 13:44

Its quite long and I have changed the names.
Advice required.

Katie is friends with Rachel and Tina. Tina is in a relationship with John.

One day Rachel is at Katie's House for lunch and Tina and John pop round. John is very funny and polite and outgoing,
Tina is same. After Tina and John leave, Rachel tells Katie how handsome and gorgeous John is, Rachel tells her he is with Tina and very loved up and happy.

Some weeks later Tina and John
break up,
Tina is devastated but moves on and keeps herself busy with her work and her family. For context she lives with her mum and brother and has a close relationship with them.

Time passes by and Rachel and Katie are out for drinks, Katie tells Rachel oh yes Tina is very sad,
her and John broke up and Tina is devastated so am just trying to be a friend and support her during the break up, in general conversation. Not thinking anything of it .

Rachel then goes home and searches John on Facebook to ask him out but he flat turns her down, not interested and obviously only just broke up from Tina. Katie not aware of this until after some time.
When katie finds out she is unhappy and tells Rachel that she shouldn't have done that. Rachel points out she isn't a friend of Tina anyway so does it matter.

Katie goes out to meet Tina at the Hall where they have a joint hobby and there she meets Tina, Tina's mum and two girls that Tina knows Jessie and Abbey. Jessie and Abbey both have serious attitude problems, constantly looking Katie up and down and just being rude and stand offish. They have been like this prior to this day, so its just the way they are. In the break at the hobby, Katie tells Tina, Rachel apparently went and messaged john. Tina says why would she go for him when she knows he's with me, or how does she know we broke up. And Rachel says I told her one day, just in conversation and that i felt sorry for you and was trying to be there for you, I didn't know Rachel would ask him out. Tina is fuming. Literally fuming angry.

Tinas mum then says, Katie you better leave now before I beat you up. Katie leaves, gutted and annoyed and walks home rather than take a taxi. Its after 9pm so quite dark, After sometime Katie noticed a dark vehicle constantly following her slowing down, stopping and watching her. Thinking it is some strange guy she tried to get home quicker. Its a main road but not so busy this time of night. She is about 8 minutes from home when the car pulls up right in front of her. And out gets Tina, Abbey and Jessie and another heavily pregnant woman who stayed in the back. Katie is familiar with the pregannt girl also, we can call her Lucy.

They begin to pour beers over Katie's head and throw eggs at her, shower her around while calling her names, while Abbey threatens to beat Katie up because abbey does kick boxing. Katie becomes upset but stays strong and tells them to back off. Tina is drunk and shouting that katie should not have told Rachel that John was now single. Katie runs away, furious and hurting covered in alcohol and tells Lucy, she can't believe she sat there whilst they all ganged up. And Lucy said I can't help you, I am Tina's friend and I am close to Tina and am heavily pregnant. Katie leaves and goes home crying and disappointed.
The next day Tina calls Katie and tells her can we meet to talk. Katie reluctantly goes and meets Tina who apologises and says it wasn't my idea to pour the alcohol and throw the eggs at you,
It was abbie and Jessie's idea. And I wish I didn't, but am hurt because i really loved John.
Katie says I cant control what Rachel does and am sorry she messaged John but he is not interested in her. They leave it as that and Tina gives Katie a box of chocolate biscuits to apologise and they go their separate ways. Tina and Katie still stay in contact,
Tina moves on to a new relationship and leaves to live in America while Katie gets married and has children. After some time Katie decides she doesn't want anything to do with Tina, as pouring alcohol over her head was extremely disrespectful. Tina calls Katie one night to tell her she is so happy with her new man and proceeds to tell her something totally inappropriate about her private life with her man, at which Katie hangs up the phone not wanting to hear it, as its rude and silly.

A few months go by and Katie gets a call at night from Rachel, she says her and Gemma were in a restaurant having a meal, when Tina and her mother came in and started verbally abusing Rachel and Gemma. Gemma and Rachel both went to the toilet to get away at which point Tina's mother began to push the door open of the toilet and try and break it down to fight Rachel. Rachel and Gemma come out of the cubicle and meet with the manager who has called the police, Gemma and Rachel get into rachels car and immediately drive over to Katie's House to tell her in detail what had happened. Katie then discloses that Tina and her mum are just upset because they know Rachel likes John

Rachel says ' it doesn't matter, I am not friends with Tina and Tina has never liked me and I don't particularly like her. She is not my friend just someone I know through you. John has moved on and is married and happy. Tina has moved on. I have my life and my career, it doesnt matter anymore. '
Katie's husband Matt tells Katie that Tina is not a good friend and better off without her and that pouring beer and egging you is taking it to the extreme. Katie decides to go no contact with Tina.

Tina then contacts Katie to tell her she is devastated that Katie no longer wants to see her and she has no reason to visit the city that Katie lives in because she is no longer friends with Katie. Katie tells her ' I don't like that you attacked me that day with Abbey and Jessie and am very hurt. I also find it extremely inappropriate you told me how you cheated three times in your relationship to
her partner after John, and then describing your personal life and your new partners body to me in such a vulgar way'

Its now been 9 years since the last time Tina and Katie spoke and 13 years since the attack with beers and eggs, Tina is now back from America and single. And would like to meet Katie. Katie tells Matt, that the years have passed but finds she has matured and settled in her family life and would just like to stay focused on her family and marriage and not meet Tina. Matt agrees but Tina keeps messaging her to meet and make amends.

What do you think of this situation? Would you make amends with Tina? Who is wrong here?

OP posts:
lifeissweet · 07/03/2023 14:23

Was the meeting in the hall Slimming World? Maybe they were just all really hungry?

No. Bunch of rough psychos. Block and withdraw. Do not look back.

If Tina persists after you've told her a definitive and final 'no', threaten to go to the police for harassment (don't do this, they won't be interested - but it's that much of 'leave me the fuck alone, you drama Queen' and she needs to know that)

ICanHideButICantRun · 07/03/2023 14:25

babytum · 07/03/2023 14:13

You’d get £200 in Take A Break with that story!

As long as there are photos showing sad faces all around. Extra points for a photo of John in his grey trackie bottoms, beer belly and fag. "Don't call me a SLAG just cos I want your MAN"

FuchsAndMöhr · 07/03/2023 14:26

PopsicleHustler · 07/03/2023 13:44

Its quite long and I have changed the names.
Advice required.

Katie is friends with Rachel and Tina. Tina is in a relationship with John.

One day Rachel is at Katie's House for lunch and Tina and John pop round. John is very funny and polite and outgoing,
Tina is same. After Tina and John leave, Rachel tells Katie how handsome and gorgeous John is, Rachel tells her he is with Tina and very loved up and happy.

Some weeks later Tina and John
break up,
Tina is devastated but moves on and keeps herself busy with her work and her family. For context she lives with her mum and brother and has a close relationship with them.

Time passes by and Rachel and Katie are out for drinks, Katie tells Rachel oh yes Tina is very sad,
her and John broke up and Tina is devastated so am just trying to be a friend and support her during the break up, in general conversation. Not thinking anything of it .

Rachel then goes home and searches John on Facebook to ask him out but he flat turns her down, not interested and obviously only just broke up from Tina. Katie not aware of this until after some time.
When katie finds out she is unhappy and tells Rachel that she shouldn't have done that. Rachel points out she isn't a friend of Tina anyway so does it matter.

Katie goes out to meet Tina at the Hall where they have a joint hobby and there she meets Tina, Tina's mum and two girls that Tina knows Jessie and Abbey. Jessie and Abbey both have serious attitude problems, constantly looking Katie up and down and just being rude and stand offish. They have been like this prior to this day, so its just the way they are. In the break at the hobby, Katie tells Tina, Rachel apparently went and messaged john. Tina says why would she go for him when she knows he's with me, or how does she know we broke up. And Rachel says I told her one day, just in conversation and that i felt sorry for you and was trying to be there for you, I didn't know Rachel would ask him out. Tina is fuming. Literally fuming angry.

Tinas mum then says, Katie you better leave now before I beat you up. Katie leaves, gutted and annoyed and walks home rather than take a taxi. Its after 9pm so quite dark, After sometime Katie noticed a dark vehicle constantly following her slowing down, stopping and watching her. Thinking it is some strange guy she tried to get home quicker. Its a main road but not so busy this time of night. She is about 8 minutes from home when the car pulls up right in front of her. And out gets Tina, Abbey and Jessie and another heavily pregnant woman who stayed in the back. Katie is familiar with the pregannt girl also, we can call her Lucy.

They begin to pour beers over Katie's head and throw eggs at her, shower her around while calling her names, while Abbey threatens to beat Katie up because abbey does kick boxing. Katie becomes upset but stays strong and tells them to back off. Tina is drunk and shouting that katie should not have told Rachel that John was now single. Katie runs away, furious and hurting covered in alcohol and tells Lucy, she can't believe she sat there whilst they all ganged up. And Lucy said I can't help you, I am Tina's friend and I am close to Tina and am heavily pregnant. Katie leaves and goes home crying and disappointed.
The next day Tina calls Katie and tells her can we meet to talk. Katie reluctantly goes and meets Tina who apologises and says it wasn't my idea to pour the alcohol and throw the eggs at you,
It was abbie and Jessie's idea. And I wish I didn't, but am hurt because i really loved John.
Katie says I cant control what Rachel does and am sorry she messaged John but he is not interested in her. They leave it as that and Tina gives Katie a box of chocolate biscuits to apologise and they go their separate ways. Tina and Katie still stay in contact,
Tina moves on to a new relationship and leaves to live in America while Katie gets married and has children. After some time Katie decides she doesn't want anything to do with Tina, as pouring alcohol over her head was extremely disrespectful. Tina calls Katie one night to tell her she is so happy with her new man and proceeds to tell her something totally inappropriate about her private life with her man, at which Katie hangs up the phone not wanting to hear it, as its rude and silly.

A few months go by and Katie gets a call at night from Rachel, she says her and Gemma were in a restaurant having a meal, when Tina and her mother came in and started verbally abusing Rachel and Gemma. Gemma and Rachel both went to the toilet to get away at which point Tina's mother began to push the door open of the toilet and try and break it down to fight Rachel. Rachel and Gemma come out of the cubicle and meet with the manager who has called the police, Gemma and Rachel get into rachels car and immediately drive over to Katie's House to tell her in detail what had happened. Katie then discloses that Tina and her mum are just upset because they know Rachel likes John

Rachel says ' it doesn't matter, I am not friends with Tina and Tina has never liked me and I don't particularly like her. She is not my friend just someone I know through you. John has moved on and is married and happy. Tina has moved on. I have my life and my career, it doesnt matter anymore. '
Katie's husband Matt tells Katie that Tina is not a good friend and better off without her and that pouring beer and egging you is taking it to the extreme. Katie decides to go no contact with Tina.

Tina then contacts Katie to tell her she is devastated that Katie no longer wants to see her and she has no reason to visit the city that Katie lives in because she is no longer friends with Katie. Katie tells her ' I don't like that you attacked me that day with Abbey and Jessie and am very hurt. I also find it extremely inappropriate you told me how you cheated three times in your relationship to
her partner after John, and then describing your personal life and your new partners body to me in such a vulgar way'

Its now been 9 years since the last time Tina and Katie spoke and 13 years since the attack with beers and eggs, Tina is now back from America and single. And would like to meet Katie. Katie tells Matt, that the years have passed but finds she has matured and settled in her family life and would just like to stay focused on her family and marriage and not meet Tina. Matt agrees but Tina keeps messaging her to meet and make amends.

What do you think of this situation? Would you make amends with Tina? Who is wrong here?

That’s 10 minutes of my life I’m never getting back 🙈

However no, Tina is bat shit and should be avoided at all costs.

Listen to Matt Katie, he sounds like a good egg 😉

Dustybarn · 07/03/2023 14:39

Time is a limited resource and Katie is presumably busy with her family. Why make time for someone who clearly adds nothing but drama? Unless Katie would like to see Tina’s classy mum again? 😂

purplecorkheart · 07/03/2023 14:40

John had a very lucky escape

Katie should have contacted the police and reported the assault rather than accept a box of chocolates

Tina is a person to avoid at all costs along with her mother and friends

Katie should block Tina and all her nutty friends. Hopefully Tina does not know Katie's address but if she does Katie should consider getting a ring doorbell

FuckNuggets · 07/03/2023 14:56

Tina is a psycho and I'm not surprised John broke up with her. Her mum sounds nuts as well. Katie needs to stay the fuck away from her.

ShakespearesBlister · 07/03/2023 15:29

So you both married and moved on 13 years ago but you still have the same phone numbers?

butterfliedtwo · 07/03/2023 15:34

That is way too long. One. No man is worth this drama. Two. You don't need to be friends with anyone that you don't want to.

ChaToilLeam · 07/03/2023 15:34

Tina is a nutcase. Her mother is a nutcase. Her friends are nutcases. They should all have been charged with assault.

Why wouldn’t you want to meet up with auch a delightful person?

Nimbostratus100 · 07/03/2023 15:35

tribpot · 07/03/2023 13:51

Bloody hell that's a bit long. But to summarise, Katie had two friends who were not particularly friends with each other. Tina broke up with her boyfriend, Rachel then rather aggressively sought and asked him out. Tina's entire entourage including her mother lost their fucking minds over this (cries of Ross Geller 'we were on a break' come to mind) and assaulted Katie for the crime of telling Rachel this bloke was single. Later on same entourage assaulted Rachel for asking out a single guy.

Years later Tina wants to make amends but when rebuffed is pushing the point, suggesting that her days as a total psycho are not behind her.

Block Tina, block Tina's friends, block Tina's mother and never see any of these lunatics again.

this

and learn what is relevant and what is not relevant in a story

GrannieD · 07/03/2023 15:39

Yeah but no but ….. I just read it all in the style of Vicky Pollard !

AnneKipankitoo · 07/03/2023 15:39

No contact with Tina. Block.

AnneKipankitoo · 07/03/2023 15:40

Relocate too if you can.

AnotherSpare · 07/03/2023 15:41

TLDR: "I used to be friends with someone until she and two of her friends assaulted me, now she wants to meet up. Should I?"

Answer: You'd be stupid to go anywhere near her or any of the others. Go out and make some normal friends.

flutterbyebaby · 07/03/2023 15:43

What a load of absolute bollocks

Abouttimemum · 07/03/2023 15:44

Tina and her mother are unhinged and Katie should not go anywhere near them. It sounds like a lot of drama over fuck all. Who pours beers over people and throws eggs? Jesus!

mrshenny · 07/03/2023 15:44

This is literally crazy. Are you all like 15/16 or grown women? Good lord

They are literally psychos and I wouldn't want them anywhere near me ever again. Block block block!

threeplusmum · 07/03/2023 15:48

Too long sorry lost interest after 2nd paragraph

Greydogs123 · 07/03/2023 16:04

It’s completely nuts that Katie was attacked for the “crime” of simply telling a friend about a break up. It’s also nuts that she would ever meet up Tina again after her relatives attacked her. Just to complete the bag of nuttiness, katie isn’t sure whether to meet up with Tina now! Just move on, block Tina’s number and never give her another thought. As for Rachel, she was a bit underhand, but didn’t do anything wrong. Whole situation is fairly bonkers.

jays · 07/03/2023 16:10

tribpot · 07/03/2023 13:51

Bloody hell that's a bit long. But to summarise, Katie had two friends who were not particularly friends with each other. Tina broke up with her boyfriend, Rachel then rather aggressively sought and asked him out. Tina's entire entourage including her mother lost their fucking minds over this (cries of Ross Geller 'we were on a break' come to mind) and assaulted Katie for the crime of telling Rachel this bloke was single. Later on same entourage assaulted Rachel for asking out a single guy.

Years later Tina wants to make amends but when rebuffed is pushing the point, suggesting that her days as a total psycho are not behind her.

Block Tina, block Tina's friends, block Tina's mother and never see any of these lunatics again.

Firstly, thank you for this list excellent condensed version. Secondly, I agree!

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 07/03/2023 16:12

tribpot · 07/03/2023 13:51

Bloody hell that's a bit long. But to summarise, Katie had two friends who were not particularly friends with each other. Tina broke up with her boyfriend, Rachel then rather aggressively sought and asked him out. Tina's entire entourage including her mother lost their fucking minds over this (cries of Ross Geller 'we were on a break' come to mind) and assaulted Katie for the crime of telling Rachel this bloke was single. Later on same entourage assaulted Rachel for asking out a single guy.

Years later Tina wants to make amends but when rebuffed is pushing the point, suggesting that her days as a total psycho are not behind her.

Block Tina, block Tina's friends, block Tina's mother and never see any of these lunatics again.

🤣🤣🤣

butterfliedtwo · 07/03/2023 16:19

GrannieD · 07/03/2023 15:39

Yeah but no but ….. I just read it all in the style of Vicky Pollard !

I did, too!😅

Mortimercat · 07/03/2023 16:24

I think Katie was stirring the pot when she told Tina that Rachel had contacted John. And I think that it was fine for Rachel to contact John considering she wasn’t / isn’t friends with Tina.

But that aside, Tina and her crew are not people I would have anything to do with again after the first incident.

Ladyofthesea · 07/03/2023 16:25

tribpot · 07/03/2023 13:51

Bloody hell that's a bit long. But to summarise, Katie had two friends who were not particularly friends with each other. Tina broke up with her boyfriend, Rachel then rather aggressively sought and asked him out. Tina's entire entourage including her mother lost their fucking minds over this (cries of Ross Geller 'we were on a break' come to mind) and assaulted Katie for the crime of telling Rachel this bloke was single. Later on same entourage assaulted Rachel for asking out a single guy.

Years later Tina wants to make amends but when rebuffed is pushing the point, suggesting that her days as a total psycho are not behind her.

Block Tina, block Tina's friends, block Tina's mother and never see any of these lunatics again.

Thank you for the summary. I agree with you.

Bananalanacake · 07/03/2023 16:32

I'm thinking of a song by Pulp and it's not Disco 2000