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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH won’t let me pay for school trip!!

62 replies

Reallyhadenoughh · 07/03/2023 08:54

I’m honestly sick of this man telling me what to do and not what to do he won’t just let me do what I want it always has to be an argument.

Ds is going a trip to the local church today and then the zoo are also visiting next week. The total amount is £5 I was supposed to hand it in last week but to be honest I’ve just been too busy and I never have cash on me. So I was planning to go to the cash point before school. He’s going mad at me telling me that I never listen to him.

WHY THE HELL CANT I PAY IT IF I WANT TO?

His argument is that there is no point now I’ve missed the deadline. This has just turned into a huge row before the school run kids are late and I’ve ended up just staying at home.

Another thing he’s having a go at me for where I’ve hung my coat on the coat rail. Nothing I ever do is good enough I’ve just had enough of it all!

OP posts:
billy1966 · 07/03/2023 09:11

Is your relationship controlling and abusive?

If you feel controlled and bullied by him, then call Womens aid for advice.

MamOfFive · 07/03/2023 09:13

Call womens aid. He's abusive.

Kennykenkencat · 07/03/2023 09:21

Don’t tell him anything and just go ahead and do what you want

The only way to do what you want is to do what you want and ignore your Dh

Will your ds miss out on the trip?

Aquamarine1029 · 07/03/2023 09:23

Get up and go pay the fee.

Daffodil18 · 07/03/2023 09:46

If my OH did what you did I wouldn’t be happy either. The money should have been in last week so he’s obviously not stopped you from paying it.

diddl · 07/03/2023 10:09

The only point he might have is if no payment by now means your son can't go.

So were you trying to leave early to get to the bank & he questioned it?

Presumably you couldn' have taken the kids then to the bank & back to school?

All of that aside-arguing in front of the kids(?) & such that they were late for school & his constant picking-there's no point is there?

He’s going mad at me telling me that I never listen to him.

If by that he means that you don't do as he says of course you don't have to!

AllWorkYoPlait · 07/03/2023 10:14

Does your child definitely have a place on the trip if you haven't paid on time?

Why does he object? Doesn't want child to go? Or he thinks just don't pay and scam a free trip if you can get away with it? I can't imagine having a conversation about something so trivial, let alone an argument about it. It just would've been paid.

Tdcp · 07/03/2023 10:20

He's not stopping you from paying, you didn't pay when you were supposed to so he's angry that you have a blase attitude when you've slacked off and possibly prevented his dc from attending a nice trip.

Eyerollcentral · 07/03/2023 10:41

Tdcp · 07/03/2023 10:20

He's not stopping you from paying, you didn't pay when you were supposed to so he's angry that you have a blase attitude when you've slacked off and possibly prevented his dc from attending a nice trip.

This.

Overthebloodymoon · 07/03/2023 10:45

He’s controlling you over a £5. Coercive and financially abusive. Make plans to leave. My DH never questions anything I spend. We agree on big purchases together but everything else is joint and we spend what we like on whatever. Anything to do with school or the kids would absolutely be prioritized too.

Hbh17 · 07/03/2023 10:46

Why are you even telling him about such a small amount?
Why are you telling him that you plan to go to the cash point?
Why are you accepting it when he says "no"?

This sounds like financial abuse, so you will need help and support in the long term.
In the short term, just get some cash and pay for the trip.

ArcticSkewer · 07/03/2023 10:49

You can pay it if you want to but chose not to. Or did he stop you paying it last week when you were supposed to pay it?

It will have been subsidised by the other parents/school now but I'm sure school would appreciate a donation towards the next trip.

Mari9999 · 07/03/2023 10:58

There is absolutely no way that he can stop you from paying . As others have said, maybe he is annoyed because you did not pay when the money was due.

You are not a child; you do not need permission to perform a simple act. You are blaming him for something which he is incapable of doing.

Pixiedust1234 · 07/03/2023 10:59

I'm confused. Hes never stopped you from paying it until today, and today is too late to pay according to the school?

It sounds like you are behaving more like a child than an adult and he's getting frustrated by it.

craycrayfish · 07/03/2023 11:00

Isn't the point not that he won't let you pay but that he thinks you've missed the boat?

Sleepless1096 · 07/03/2023 11:02

What a pointless argument. You dropped the ball, you know this, but you still want to pay presumably because you know how cash-strapped schools are. And it will go in the kitty for the next trip to subsidise someone who forgets or can't pay.

Yes you should have remembered and in your DH's position I might be rolling my eyes at you. In your position, I might suggest he takes on more of the mental load. His reaction though seems disproportionate.

Mortimercat · 07/03/2023 11:04

It doesn’t sound like he is stopping you from paying it at all. You could have done so at any point, he is just saying it is too late now.

EarthlyNightshade · 07/03/2023 11:07

Daffodil18 · 07/03/2023 09:46

If my OH did what you did I wouldn’t be happy either. The money should have been in last week so he’s obviously not stopped you from paying it.

What do you feel was stopping OH for paying the fee himself on time?

EarthlyNightshade · 07/03/2023 11:10

Tdcp · 07/03/2023 10:20

He's not stopping you from paying, you didn't pay when you were supposed to so he's angry that you have a blase attitude when you've slacked off and possibly prevented his dc from attending a nice trip.

Surely, though if he actually wanted his dc to attend a nice trip, he could have paid himself?
I am agog at the number of people blaming the woman here.

Successgirl2022 · 07/03/2023 11:12

So can your DS still go on a school trip if you paid today? It's not too late as your DH says?

CombatBarbie · 07/03/2023 11:14

Overthebloodymoon · 07/03/2023 10:45

He’s controlling you over a £5. Coercive and financially abusive. Make plans to leave. My DH never questions anything I spend. We agree on big purchases together but everything else is joint and we spend what we like on whatever. Anything to do with school or the kids would absolutely be prioritized too.

Did you miss the point that it should have been paid last week. I'd be pissed off too, doesn't make me controlling or abusive.

diddl · 07/03/2023 11:15

I am agog at the number of people blaming the woman here.

Well Op does say hat she was supposed to pay but didn't.

CombatBarbie · 07/03/2023 11:16

EarthlyNightshade · 07/03/2023 11:10

Surely, though if he actually wanted his dc to attend a nice trip, he could have paid himself?
I am agog at the number of people blaming the woman here.

Show quote history

I deal with DC school admin, presumably it's same in their house.

EarthlyNightshade · 07/03/2023 11:21

CombatBarbie · 07/03/2023 11:16

I deal with DC school admin, presumably it's same in their house.

Show quote history

Would your DH go mad at you if you forgot to pay for a trip?
This is the issue for me rather than who's doing what.

Does your DH get to decide where you hang your coat as well?

Tdcp · 07/03/2023 11:27

EarthlyNightshade · 07/03/2023 11:10

Surely, though if he actually wanted his dc to attend a nice trip, he could have paid himself?
I am agog at the number of people blaming the woman here.

Show quote history

It depends who does the school runs surely.. When I was doing them I dealt with the school admin, now I work over school pick up hours, DP does the school runs so any money that needs to be handed in is his job because he goes there? I can't hand in money for anything because I'm at work...