Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH won’t let me pay for school trip!!

62 replies

Reallyhadenoughh · 07/03/2023 08:54

I’m honestly sick of this man telling me what to do and not what to do he won’t just let me do what I want it always has to be an argument.

Ds is going a trip to the local church today and then the zoo are also visiting next week. The total amount is £5 I was supposed to hand it in last week but to be honest I’ve just been too busy and I never have cash on me. So I was planning to go to the cash point before school. He’s going mad at me telling me that I never listen to him.

WHY THE HELL CANT I PAY IT IF I WANT TO?

His argument is that there is no point now I’ve missed the deadline. This has just turned into a huge row before the school run kids are late and I’ve ended up just staying at home.

Another thing he’s having a go at me for where I’ve hung my coat on the coat rail. Nothing I ever do is good enough I’ve just had enough of it all!

OP posts:
diddl · 07/03/2023 11:33

It depends who does the school runs surely..

It does read to me that Op was supposed to do it today but then didn't.

Why not if that is the case?

Sassyfox · 07/03/2023 11:33

It’s hard to know who’s in the wrong here without more details.

Why have you not paid?
If you do the pick ups and drop offs every day then I too would be annoyed at you for not remembering, as now your son might miss out.

I assume you work too and so your DH could have gone to a cash machine knowing that it would make it easier.

One of you needs to ring the school and find out if he’s got a place and if it’s too late to pay.

If you are still able to pay then make sure it’s done today.

Do you have access to your own money?

Iyjd · 07/03/2023 11:41

Daffodil18 · 07/03/2023 09:46

If my OH did what you did I wouldn’t be happy either. The money should have been in last week so he’s obviously not stopped you from paying it.

What the fuck?
He could have paid it last week? We all forget things.

Telling her off for putting things on the clothes rail wrong? She’s an adult. She doesn’t require telling off or correcting.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/03/2023 11:45

Why is he so cross?

Because he thinks it should have been paid on time?
Or because he thinks you shouldn’t have to pay at all?
or because he doesn’t want your child to go on the trip?

TheOrigRights · 07/03/2023 11:46

People are VERY quick to jump in with telling the OP to call women's aid, that he coercive and abusive. Of course it may absolutely be that but in order to make that conclusion we need to hear the whole story, and from the partners side as well.

I would like to know the background as to why the trip money hasn't been paid yet. You say you've been too busy and don't have cash on you.

OkImListening · 07/03/2023 12:03

Tdcp · 07/03/2023 10:20

He's not stopping you from paying, you didn't pay when you were supposed to so he's angry that you have a blase attitude when you've slacked off and possibly prevented his dc from attending a nice trip.

Definitely not this. Lots of parents pay for trips late in the day. Email the school to confirm DS is going, apologise for late payment and say you'll drop in £5 at home time when you collect DS. Your husband sounds like a cunt.

LarkspurLane · 07/03/2023 12:03

TheOrigRights · 07/03/2023 11:46

People are VERY quick to jump in with telling the OP to call women's aid, that he coercive and abusive. Of course it may absolutely be that but in order to make that conclusion we need to hear the whole story, and from the partners side as well.

I would like to know the background as to why the trip money hasn't been paid yet. You say you've been too busy and don't have cash on you.

Women's aid is just an option. The OP can decide herself if she would like to talk to them.
They won't judge her and won't ask her to put her DH on the phone for his side of the story.
Maybe things are fine, but maybe not and I hope the OP does not feel too much worse reading all the posts about how she should have paid last week, etc.

BlossomOfOrange · 07/03/2023 12:07

It doesn’t sound like the act itself was wrong, a ball was dropped, it happens. In theory, being upset by the outcome of the ball dropping is also not wrong.

However, in this case, it seems that the way in which your dp responded has both upset and derailed you, and you say he is continually controlling, which will likely disempower you.

My only thoughts are to share with him how this makes you feel/what you’d like to happen instead, and make a judgement based on his response.

Kittlbua · 07/03/2023 12:08

The OP begins:
I’m honestly sick of this man telling me what to do and not what to do he won’t just let me do what I want it always has to be an argument
This says a lot and has got lost among all the posts about how the OP should have paid the trip money last week.
This is yet another OP where the example given sounds really trivial and the OP can be found to be at fault because she didn't pay the money last week and it sounds like the DH has got frustrated about it or something.
However, it is more likely to be the last straw and the OP posts on MN because it's the latest in a long line of similar incidents and she's had enough.

What's the rest of the backstory OP?

B0g · 07/03/2023 12:17

You can’t continue to inflict a volatile, argument filled environment on your kids. Making them live with a man who ‘goes mad at’ their mother is unacceptable, and hugely damaging.

Skyeheather · 07/03/2023 12:17

Tdcp · 07/03/2023 10:20

He's not stopping you from paying, you didn't pay when you were supposed to so he's angry that you have a blase attitude when you've slacked off and possibly prevented his dc from attending a nice trip.

This - I would call the school to ask if you can't still pay or is it too late because you have missed the deadline.

How have you been so busy that you couldn't go to the cash point before school on any other day or get cash back in a shop? Do the school not take online payments? Mine would have taken a payment into the school account if backed up with an email.

CombatBarbie · 07/03/2023 13:02

EarthlyNightshade · 07/03/2023 11:21

Would your DH go mad at you if you forgot to pay for a trip?
This is the issue for me rather than who's doing what.

Does your DH get to decide where you hang your coat as well?

Show quote history

If it meant my child was not going to go and it was my fault because I'd not paid, yes he probably would have a few choice words for me.

It seems like the DH is tidy and the Op may not be..... Everyday one of us has to nag our DC to hang up their coats bags etc so I don't expect to have to remind an adult.

The DH certainly doesn't sound abusive in these 2 instances, probably exasperated at the op.

viques · 07/03/2023 13:06

Do schools still accept cash? most I know use something like parent pay so they don’t have all the faff of collecting cash, keeping track of who has paid, dealing with ‘lost’ envelopes with cash, storing cash safely, banking cash……

TheOrigRights · 07/03/2023 13:10

Do schools still accept cash?

I presume since the OP said she was going to get the cash from the machine and explained she didn't have cash last week, that yes, schools do accept it.

Rockingcloggs · 07/03/2023 13:13

Why are you even asking him for his opinion on something so trivial? Just do it. I don't even tell my husband about half the trivial things I do day to day!

B0g · 07/03/2023 13:27

@Kittlbua exactly, so, so many posts every day about tiny, trivial non-events that replies nitpick to death, ignoring the actual issue that should have been the focus of the OP.

viques · 07/03/2023 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EarthlyNightshade · 07/03/2023 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OP has posted for support in the relationships section. Being called "dopey" is unnecessarily mean.

gkhg · 07/03/2023 13:41

He's abusive OP. The sooner you realise that the sooner you can start making real changes

nc1013 · 07/03/2023 13:41

diddl · 07/03/2023 11:15

I am agog at the number of people blaming the woman here.

Well Op does say hat she was supposed to pay but didn't.

Why is it the woman's job to pay the school for the trip?

Surely he's a much to blame for the late payment as the op is?

diddl · 07/03/2023 13:46

nc1013 · 07/03/2023 13:41

Why is it the woman's job to pay the school for the trip?

Surely he's a much to blame for the late payment as the op is?

Show quote history

Well I don't know the dynamics in this family.

Maybe not her "job" as such but that she said she would do it?

If that's the case surely her husband would just leave it at that?

Barannca · 07/03/2023 13:53

I am quite confused by this. Don't all schools use an online system for paying rather than take cash?
But apart from that did he stop you paying it or did you just decide not to after the row ?
Whatever it doesn't sound a healthy atmosphere for your children before their school day

neilyoungismyhero · 07/03/2023 14:04

For different reasons my husband is similar, I just don't tell him anything anymore. I just get on with stuff on my own. This leads to a far easier life I can tell you.

ArcticSkewer · 07/03/2023 14:08

diddl · 07/03/2023 13:46

Well I don't know the dynamics in this family.

Maybe not her "job" as such but that she said she would do it?

If that's the case surely her husband would just leave it at that?

Show quote history

or maybe last week was her turn, this week is his

B0g · 07/03/2023 14:31

(Like, I understand posting about banalities if you’re so used to having some shit bloke in your house, but replyers should see that and not fuss over the non-event)