Hi guys, trying to keep this as short as possible. Want to start by saying sorry im not native to English, if you find some faults please read past them!
So, my husband of now nearly 3 years has an addiction to women. Not as in, physically cheating, but through the internet. I first noticed when my husband wanted to show me something and scrolled through his photo album which had a bunch of women pics that he forgot to delete. (This occasion was a bit after we got married) All of them thick women, big bum etc. Let's just say, I am not like that. I do think I have a beautiful body though, but I don't have the biggest bum. I didn't think too much of it at the time, don't know why. Just kept on living. Couple months later he was watching a video on Facebook and when he swiped down to the next vid I saw another girl who was being sexually there lets say. This is I think when the alarm bells started ringing and I remembered the pics he had saved.
Now, I am in no means proud of this and actually pretty ashamed of it but this is when I started to check his socials. I saw his Facebook videos were full of girls, thick girls yet again and his algorithm kept up showing. I found out you can see the videos someone has watched and it was full of that type of videos. His websearch was full too with all different kind of thick women pornsites. So did his instagram even though he tried to delete it. I felt disgusted and didn't look at it again. I had a conversation with him about it and he pretty much denied everything, sweet talked to me and I guess I just accepted that. This is around 2 years ago.
I tried to not let it bother me, still had sex in that time. I think almost a year ago I logged in again and found all the same stuff. In my mind he stopped all of that cause we were fine together, I even found old fake accounts of his, he didn't use them anymore but it was full of content like that too. Saved pictures from girls that he send to another fake account. I would say around a 100 pictures he had saved. He used that account in the beginning of our relationship but I could see it wasn't active anymore.
From this period of time we didn't have sex again. I felt disgusted, and even the thought of having sex gave me the biggest ick. It still does. I still check his socials from time to time and it still shows up the same type of content. I honestly don't know what to do. We are great friends. We have an amazing future ahead of us (a lot of upcoming plans). But I feel like I just can't get past this. I had talks with him about it throughout the last years even recent ones, told him I think he is addicted and yet he would still say he's not and it's not him watching those things.
I want to have sex with the man I married, and I want to have an amazing marriage but I think it has turned me into someone who got insecure about herself. Not also that, just knowing he has an addiction to all of that also makes me turned off. I feel like it is very childish and something he should have managed to stop throughout out marriage but he didn't.
How can we genuiely get past this? I feel disrespected and literally build a wall around myself