Was he being unreasonable? Do I walk away?

[LondonMiss1]

I started dating a single dad in November he has 100% custody, I have met his 9 year daughter but she doesn’t see me as a girlfriend or anything..

it was her birthday last week, I had done everything from every gift, the cake and even booking the party..

At the venue he says to me “don’t stand by me people will talk..”

now I wasn’t trying to be affectionate or anything I’m careful of this with his daughter.
I’m really upset and I don’t think I can come back from that.. I tried to leave but it would have caused a drama with his family.

He thinks his comment was warranted. I just feel he’s super ungrateful.

I'm with you. Walk You are low down on his priority list. After 3 months he can have a girlfriend attend his DDs party and be happy you're there.

Backstory I think with the family?

Was his ex at the party ?

You shouldn't even have met her by then let alone organize a birthday for her which although well intended was way too soon. In the nicest way, you're too involved and he's not. Not sure this is the one for you.

it was her birthday last week, I had done everything from every gift, the cake and even booking the party.

why !!!! Fuck that
keep him for sex only
or find someone way nicer and more boundaried

I’d struggle to forgive that
and November is no time really
is he looking for a fuck buddy come wifey ?

The whole thing is off. I was seeing a guy for 6 months but it didn't work out. We're now very good friends and he only met my son after the relationship ended. 3 months in and you're planning birthday parties? Something tells me this isn't going to last OP, sorry.

After 3 months I wouldn’t have a new partner meet my child. Much less arrange the party and attend as a new parental figure for my child. I wouldn’t walk away. I’d run!

I'd have to ask him what he meant exactly by that?

Surely people would question who you are and why you are at the party anyway?

When he introduced you to people, who did he say you was?

Thanks everyone, I think it’s done..

In general I'd like to point out that our standards are so low for men and father's that we automatically see a divorced or separated man who sees his kids, let alone is their resident parent, as a good guy. He must be a good guy. That is not the case.

I had a relationship with a widowed single Dad , thinking he must be an incredibly good guy; he was an abuser.

Single fathers are not automatically good, they're not automatically anything.

Honestly he's awful - his priorities go

• work
• public appearances/social standing
• daughter

You're way below that in his list (which is reasonable-ish at 3 months in, but he shouldn't be asking you to do his dd's birthday for him! And pretending you're not together is vile).

I wouldn't want to be with a single dad who CBA to sort out his dd's birthday himself. It just shows where his priorities are, and it's not where they should be, however Big & Important & Busy he thinks his job is.

He's awful OP, absolutely throw this one back.

@TicketBoo23 i thought exactly that at first but probably the same as you..

I know it over. But Op, if you date a single dad again, a piece of advice.

Him telling your is too busy with his ‘business’ so palms off things for his child, is bullshit.

I have a senior role and was a single parent to 2 kids. I work loads of hours. Still able to organise my kids birthdays and meet their needs.

He was looking for someone to palm off parental roles too. He wanted you to act as a parent after 12 weeks but only when it suited him.

Also a man who is too busy with his ‘business’ to do things for his child, is not a man you want to be with

^ This.

How did he manage before you came along to make his life easier?

He sees you as a secretary rather than a girlfriend. At 3 months in you should not even have met his daughter let alone done any of this. You cannot play happy families with someone that soon.

This.

Ask yourself why YOU feel you want to get so involved so soon. Why does it benefit you? How does it make you feel?

Does he make you happy generally?

You're being used.

When you stop pandering to inadequate men, you leave yourself free to meet decent men.

You should not have been acting like his kid's stepmother or aunt or whatever. You took on too much, he wasn't appreciative - why did you push yourself into that role?

You've known him all of 4 months, he's a charmless arse, just dump him already.

Yet another man who believes that a woman he;s known 5 minutes ought to step up & start parenting his child for him.

She doesn't need relationship tips.

If a woman did this to a man we'd think she was a using bitch.

In my experience, being a single parent can be incredibly challenging. It's possible that your boyfriend was feeling overwhelmed or stressed out by the responsibility of planning the party and managing his daughter's expectations.

An extremely busy single parent has posted above to say she manages to organise her kids parties. In fact, given that the majority of single parents are women and most of them are juggling many plates; so does everyone else.
Are you giving men points for incompetence in booking a party venue or something.... What it is about then that makes them incompetent in that, but apparently competent at everything else. They can book holidays, right? Likewise, weekends away, mot tests, restaurants, anything they're interested in and want to do.

It's also possible that he was worried about what other people might think or say about your relationship in front of his daughter.

Then he shouldn't have invited her.

And he definitely shouldnt have let her organise it and invited her.

She can't be expected to act like a partner when it suits (though this is all too much for a gf of 3 months anyway) and fade into the background when it doesn't suit, at the drop of a hat.

Overall he shouldn't have introduced a gf to his dd at 12 weeks in the first place.

His decision and behaviour to op was actually also just incredibly stupid.

Because she was already at the party (and not there as an attending kid's Mum), his family knew she's his gf, his dd is acting like she's his gf, and it's blatantly obvious to the other parents anyway. So what did he think he was going to achieve by telling her not to stand beside him? It's beyond silly. It really doesn't reflect well on him in any way.

It takes a year or two to get to know someone half way properly.

Until that year or two is through, unfortunately you need to be cautious and rather cynical and you need to keep at the forefront of your mind that you are not there to impress/shoe your worth.....you are there to evaluate them, try them on for size, get a good handle on their character etc.

It's very hard when you're in the honeymoon period and the oxytocin from shagging them is hitting you like a freight train but nonetheless; there should be no real.commitment or investment or taking on their tasks until it's very long-term.

A decent parent and person would also understand that and take responsibility for their own kids' stuff.

A decent parent wouldn't be introducing a new gf/bf til the relationship has lasted quite a while anyway.