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Original poster

Was he being unreasonable? Do I walk away?

101 replies

LondonMiss1 · 05/03/2023 08:37

I started dating a single dad in November he has 100% custody, I have met his 9 year daughter but she doesn’t see me as a girlfriend or anything..

it was her birthday last week, I had done everything from every gift, the cake and even booking the party..

At the venue he says to me “don’t stand by me people will talk..”

now I wasn’t trying to be affectionate or anything I’m careful of this with his daughter.
I’m really upset and I don’t think I can come back from that.. I tried to leave but it would have caused a drama with his family.

He thinks his comment was warranted. I just feel he’s super ungrateful.

OP posts:
Lizziet64 · 05/03/2023 09:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
LondonMiss1 · 05/03/2023 09:01

He paid for most things but I still got her a fair bit, she’s a lush kid!
He asked for help with her whole birthday, he didn’t he know what he got her.
it’s done as far as I’m concerned, I only stayed because it would have caused a drama.

OP posts:
Eddielizzard · 05/03/2023 09:03

That's outrageous! He got you to do all the work and treated you so badly. Set better boundaries. This is not how someone behaves who respects you. This would be a deal breaker for me. But I also wouldn't have taken on all that work either.

TicketBoo23 · 05/03/2023 09:06

He asked for help with her whole birthday, he didn’t he know what he got her.

He doesn't get to use new girlfriends as his free PA and then tell them not to stand near him at the event he got them to organise in case ppl think they're together/she's his gf.

He's taking the absolute fkg piss.

And yes also a deluded idiot because, as another poster pointed out, if he thinks anybody .... Including his child and his relatives... Thinks he's not shagging you/involved with you, he's in cloud cuckoo land.

The only way to pursue that line is to keep your relationships/who you're dating separate until it is established.
He's too lazy, sloppy and too much of a user to do that.

Original poster
LondonMiss1 · 05/03/2023 09:07

His whole family know who I am, they also knew who did everything that for that birthday!

I don’t have kids for the poster that asked!

OP posts:
pictoosh · 05/03/2023 09:10

Ha. No. Lady you have come to the right place.
Stop trying to appease and appeal to this man by doing shit for him and take heed of how much he actually values you for doing it.

You are smart to note this.
He’s got to go. Lazy, unfriendly bastard.

TicketBoo23 · 05/03/2023 09:10

It seems like you don't have kids of your own yet (?)

Taking on a man with a kid puts you at a disadvantage financially/resources wise and attention wise from the beginning. Better to have your own kids together with a partner from scratch, if it all possible. Then all his resources and attention is for them. And youre doing the "firsts" together. And you know he hasn't failed in a significant relationship with a child involved already etc.

AtrociousCircumstance · 05/03/2023 09:12

You’re being utilised and disrespected.

Dump.

TicketBoo23 · 05/03/2023 09:13

LondonMiss1 · 05/03/2023 09:07

His whole family know who I am, they also knew who did everything that for that birthday!

I don’t have kids for the poster that asked!

Wtf was the point of telling you to not stand beside him then?

His kid?

Does he really think they don't have an idea that you're not some kind random lady who's attended her birthday and who gangs out with her Dad without being his gf lol.

He was being ridiculous and rude and taking the absolute piss. Very hurtful too when he's no doubt been happy to shag you since youve been going out.

He should never have asked you to book and organise stuff for his kids party in the first place either m.

He sounds like he thinks women are servants.... Who he can dismiss when he wants them out of the way.

Springpetal · 05/03/2023 09:14

The more you give ,the more people take
why on earth would u put all that effort in ,unless u were married and her step mum ,even then ,it’s his kid ,he should do it.
yeah he definitely doesn’t see the relationship as u do .
i think I’d be moving on ,if can’t call u his girlfriend to his folks after 3 months , it’s not really going to get better I’d think

Zanatdy · 05/03/2023 09:16

Really kind of you to do that, but he doesn’t appreciate it so I’d walk away. I’ve been in a relationship with someone for same length of time but not met children and won’t be for some time yet. It’s tricky as he’s got sole custody so whilst it would mean we could see more of each other by meeting them it’s definitely too soon. I’d be massively hurt by his response and yes I’d walk away

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/03/2023 09:17

I mean, it’s a worry he doesn’t know his child enough to be able to sort her birthday without a new gf of a couple of months doing it for him…

Are you surprised by these replies or did you realise quite how ridiculous he was being and how you’ve been taken for a mug?

TicketBoo23 · 05/03/2023 09:17

I don't know what happened in his relationship with his child's mother but he is looking like a right bastard and asshole here.

Already got a child - check, advantage; taking, rude, ridiculous, hurtful behaviour - check ...... Surely there must be better prospects for a partner & coparent out there. Is he older than you too?

Just imagine you getting him to do favours for you and your child, organise things, out in time and effort etc pleading busyness; and then telling him not to stand beside you at your kids party ....... Any man would walk.

America12 · 05/03/2023 09:18

LondonMiss1 · 05/03/2023 09:01

He paid for most things but I still got her a fair bit, she’s a lush kid!
He asked for help with her whole birthday, he didn’t he know what he got her.
it’s done as far as I’m concerned, I only stayed because it would have caused a drama.

I'd walk away. I'd have left the party when he told me not to stand near him. How would it have caused a drama if you'd just quietly left ?

Original poster
LondonMiss1 · 05/03/2023 09:20

@America12 one of his family seen it, and followed me out when I went to leave it would have caused drama

OP posts:
Oneofakind1 · 05/03/2023 09:20

Don’t worry, he’ll have someone else doing the party next year.

TicketBoo23 · 05/03/2023 09:20

America12 · 05/03/2023 09:18

I'd walk away. I'd have left the party when he told me not to stand near him. How would it have caused a drama if you'd just quietly left ?

Show quote history

I imagine he would have started texting/phoning her and blamed her for distracting him and causing a drama in the middle of his kids party

In any case, behaviour like this is often such a shock and creates such cognitive dissonance that ppl need time to absorb it and comes to terms with both the behaviour and the fact it's dictating the end of a relationship they were presumably invested in.

TicketBoo23 · 05/03/2023 09:22

He's a dickhead and I doubt this behaviour is new and exceptional.

You'd be throwing yourself away on him.

Zanatdy · 05/03/2023 09:22

Why did he even invite you to the party if that was his attitude? Because he felt he should as you organised it?

Fairislefandango · 05/03/2023 09:23

You are over-involved. And he is massively unreasonable to have asked to to help with the birthday arrangements and totally two-faced to then say what he said. He is royally taking the piss. He's happy to (quite rightly) keep your relationship entirely separated from his relationship with his daughter at this early stage... except when he thinks he can get some 'wife work' out of you.

TicketBoo23 · 05/03/2023 09:25

Zanatdy · 05/03/2023 09:22

Why did he even invite you to the party if that was his attitude? Because he felt he should as you organised it?

Presumably he thought op would have the "sense" to organise everything but then slip I to the background/off to the side . Like a good servant.

I'm still wondering why he was so keen not to have her because him at the party ... His child, or someone else who could report back him having a "partner" to the mother .... or another woman he's involved with?

TicketBoo23 · 05/03/2023 09:25

*beside him

Original poster
LondonMiss1 · 05/03/2023 09:25

@Zanatdy the party was in my name lol, he said I could go..

OP posts:
Original poster
LondonMiss1 · 05/03/2023 09:26

@TicketBoo23 no mother involved at all, so it wouldn’t be the case of reporting back

OP posts:
nc1013 · 05/03/2023 09:26

If all his family and friends know you're his gf who was he worried about "talking"? If they're not close family or friends why does he even care?