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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Any tips for having a partner who’s an entrepreneur

85 replies

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 03:20

My bf is a business owner and a lot of time we we may not see eachother for weeks (we live 40 mins apart), he may have financial issues, he isn’t as emotionally available, we won’t have sex, he is very stressed etc. I want to support him but it feels like my needs are being compromised. This is my first time being with an entrepreneur and it’s difficult to tell if my feelings are valid or im overreacting. Does anyone have any advice on how to stay afloat and being reasonable in this type of situation?

OP posts:
category12 · 04/03/2023 10:51

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 10:44

Our connection does currently feel weaker. He’s the opposite of chaotic, I’m the chaotic one. I don’t Shutup at all, but if I am going to stay there’s no point constantly moaning about the situation which is why I’m here asking for advice on how to manage it.

A few questions:
Are you sure it's temporary?
Or is he a workaholic?

In the first few months of a relationship, people tend to make more effort and it's about the 1- 2 year mark that the honeymoon period is over and the real them coalesces.

If you're sure it's temporary, then ride it out.

But if you look at his lifestyle/relationships before you, what do you know about it? And does it look like workaholism/has his lack of emotional availability been a problem before? If so, you won't be the one to change him. You would either need to accept what he can offer as good enough, or move on to someone else who can meet your needs.

SoonToBeQueenCamilla · 04/03/2023 10:57

Nelly10 · 04/03/2023 04:03

I’m just divorcing an ‘entrepreneur’ we have two kids he was never an available physically or emotionally throughout the marriage everything and everyone connected to his work was always priority over us, multiple affairs etc. Honestly it’s a very lonely life I would get out now whilst you don’t have many attachments.

This. get out now while you still can .

Ooompaloopa · 04/03/2023 11:02

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 10:49

Do you just up and leave when things get rough?

This has been going on for a year - “and a lot of time we we may not see eachother for weeks” … you don’t have sex, he is emotionally (and physically unavailable) any emotional need from you is dismissed / repressed at the risk of causing him more stress…

This has been going on for a year.

It’s not up and leaving at the first sign of trouble.

This isn’t a relationship that would meet anyone’s needs - you deserve better.

namechangeforthisbleep · 04/03/2023 11:05

If I own a business am I an entrepreneur? Cool! There was me thinking I was a coffee shop owner

category12 · 04/03/2023 11:09

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 10:49

Do you just up and leave when things get rough?

No, but not a big fan of sticking out relationships where there is a basic incompatibility.

You've spent 50% of this relationship so far putting aside your needs and dealing with his stress, if this is the way he is and how he lives his life, you're going to be tipping over into longer unhappy than happy soon.

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 11:15

He likes to enjoy life. Likes to travel, is very adventurous, enjoys dining, art, trying new things, he’s quite well cultured, I’ve seen that in his lifestyle before me and in the early stages of our relationship. Hes very spiritual, and strives to be the best version of himself. He’s usually a great listener, takes what I have to say onboard, “does the work”, is romantic - all reasons why I fell for him, but now things have changed. He used to make plans for us but now everything’s last minute. I don’t think it’s the honeymoon phase, I think this new store has put a halt to that. His focus has now shifted. He doesn’t have time like he used to because his priorities have changed. His finances aren’t as stable as they used to be. He has made huge investments which of course takes time to grow. He doesn’t really have a social life because he works so much, which I think can sometimes affect our relationship too. I wouldn’t say he’s a workaholic I would say he’s doing what he has to do to survive otherwise it’s a case of losing it all.

OP posts:
Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 11:19

Good points thank you

OP posts:
Donnashair · 04/03/2023 11:24

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 10:21

i mean he’s definitely not a twat, not quite sure why you’d think that but I see it as a rough patch which is pretty normal for those who are self employed and I’m hoping it will pass sooner rather than later.

It’s a rough patch that’s ended up with you having no real relationship for weeks at time. That started half way through your relationship.

He has been in business 10 years and still can’t make time for you or your relationship. This doesn’t add up. At this point, if it’s successful he should have staff that works for him taking the pressure off. Yes he may have to work a lot. But working that much he doesn’t see you for weeks at a time?

You say he is successful but also that he ‘may’ have financial problems. But you aren’t sure.

You are 2 years into a relationship and have no clue what his finances look like. How can you plan a future with someone when you have no idea about basic things such as his finances. How can you have a relationship with someone who invests so much emotional energy into his business, he has non left for you?

You do realise there’s business owners, in their thousands, that manage to see their partner more than every few weeks? My MD runs a company that turns over 100’s of million pounds per year. He has family and friends that he invests time in. That’s why alot of his employees are there. So he isn’t taking on the bulk alone.

This goes back, to why I wouldn’t ever be interested in someone who calls themselves an entrepreneur. Regardless of its actual meaning, it usually means (as others have said) that they expect everyone to dance to their tune and work around them, accept their ‘career’ needs more attention and that everyone should be willing to take a back seat to them and their latest venture. And more often than not the venture isn’t successful. Often, they aren’t making money. But they don’t want to do the alternative, as in paid work.

Then there the entrepreneurs who are actually unemployed flitting from one venture and investment to the next while other people finance them.

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 11:34

You misunderstood my use of “May” I was listening the different things we have been going through throughout the year. Different issues at different times. I know what his finances look like hence why I said he isn’t financially stable. Success is subjective but to me having a business for that amount of time is a success, starting a new one typically financially straining at any time.

good point “How can you have a relationship with someone who invests so much emotional energy into his business, he has non left for you?”

OP posts:
Ooompaloopa · 04/03/2023 12:06

What’s his relationship history?

What’s yours?

Tistheturkey · 04/03/2023 12:23

I think there is ALOT of snider comments on this thread due to him calling himself an entrepreneur and yet the definition of an entrepreneur is someone who has set up businesses. The snide comments of who does he think he is calling himself and entrepreneur sound like 'stay in your lane', school yard jealousy... 'who does he think he is' etc.

Whether the relationship is right or wrong is another question but criticising him just because he is an entrepreneur seems childish and jealous to me.

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 12:28

weve both had one serious relationship prior - both long distant. I ended up moving overseas but ended things and moved back after 3 years due to things breaking down once my exes mum fell ill.
my bf was travelling back and forth with his ex for about a year then ended things due to addiction/lifestyle habits.
I dated a lot more than he did before we got together. Since he split from his ex his focus was his business and enjoying life not necessarily love and finding a romantic partner. I sometimes think he’s quite inexperienced with women but I’ve also had a toxic relationship so learning/unlearning alot too.
hes 38 I’m 32

OP posts:
Ooompaloopa · 04/03/2023 12:30

Tistheturkey · 04/03/2023 12:23

I think there is ALOT of snider comments on this thread due to him calling himself an entrepreneur and yet the definition of an entrepreneur is someone who has set up businesses. The snide comments of who does he think he is calling himself and entrepreneur sound like 'stay in your lane', school yard jealousy... 'who does he think he is' etc.

Whether the relationship is right or wrong is another question but criticising him just because he is an entrepreneur seems childish and jealous to me.

I agree with this to some extent. If the title had been business owner some responses may have been different.

However it’s the objective facts of the relationship that need consideration as this dynamic IMHO isn’t healthy, acceptable or sustainable if you are a unemployed or a captain of industry.

KettrickenSmiled · 04/03/2023 12:36

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 10:49

Do you just up and leave when things get rough?

Oh don't start on the bloody martyrdom, there are no prizes for it.

It's been 2 years, he doesn't allow you to express your feelings by claiming it's too stressful for him to hear you, & he's emotionally unavailable.

What are you staying for?

TellSomeoneElse · 04/03/2023 12:43

Our situations are a little (lot) different in terms of the work undertaken but my husband is a business owner. It’s mid sized, I’d say, several full time employees etc. It is in agriculture so hideously long hours, high pressure and even higher stress. It can be fucking hard. It does feel as though the business comes before anything and everything else sometimes, well, quite often actually, he misses birthdays, family events, parties, almost entire summers go by with him awol, holidays are unheard of… you get the picture. The difference here is that I’ve never felt like I don’t matter. He adores me and if something really matters to me, he makes it happen. I don’t get the impression that feeling of security is given you by your boyfriend. There’s no excuse for him to have weeks go by without bothering to see you… if he wanted to, he would.

Hoppinggreen · 04/03/2023 12:58

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 10:21

i mean he’s definitely not a twat, not quite sure why you’d think that but I see it as a rough patch which is pretty normal for those who are self employed and I’m hoping it will pass sooner rather than later.

It’s not normal.
I have started several Businesses, my DH has started 2 Businesses and I work with SME owners.
Most people who are self employed managed to maintain healthy relationships should they choose to

Ooompaloopa · 04/03/2023 13:45

Do you know anymore about the addiction / lifestyle issues that caused his previous relationship to fail. Were these his ex’s issues or could he have had (or maybe has) similar issues?

FakingMemories · 04/03/2023 13:55

You don’t live together. You’ve no children together. There’s jo reason to try and make it work. As for his job title? What a wanker to call himself an entrepreneur. Do you mean he sells random shit on eBay?

BitOutOfPractice · 04/03/2023 14:02

I’ve been self employed for 25 years. I have a happy relationship and I’ve brought up 2 kids finger handedly. He’s making choices. And you are are not who he chooses to spend time with. Sorry op.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/03/2023 14:02

Single handedly obv 😬

MzHz · 04/03/2023 14:09

Are you in this relationship for the money @Moonchild009?

cos there can’t be any other reason why you’d put up with this shit.

bin him.

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 15:16

He will literally paint his studio over night and spend all day sleeping. Repeatedly. He owns three studios across the city and has to open up and close for each of them. He spends time in between hiring equipment for photoshoots, editing, dealing with clients, admin faff etc. For the most part he is tired.

OP posts:
AviMav · 04/03/2023 15:38

BitOutOfPractice · 04/03/2023 14:02

I’ve been self employed for 25 years. I have a happy relationship and I’ve brought up 2 kids finger handedly. He’s making choices. And you are are not who he chooses to spend time with. Sorry op.

This. OP doesn't really know hin that's the real issue of you don't spend time with someone regularly you can't really know that person. Get put now OP

BitOutOfPractice · 04/03/2023 15:43

Isn’t there a enough money in the business for an assistant?

Moonchild009 · 04/03/2023 15:52

It’s difficult to find someone you trust and will do the job well especially as well as you when it’s yours. He had an assistant and caught them laying down on the sofa via cctv when he claims he was doing all this work and demanding to be paid. This is someone he’s worked with for years but even still seems like the best bet because of that. @AviMav we spend a lot of time on the phone but I guess you could be right

OP posts:
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