Should she be told?

[Cushionnn]

Long-time user but different account for this.

I'm sure you can guess from the title. Someone's husband has had an affair. Does the wife deserve to know? Two young kids. Can provide evidence. But affair wasn't particularly "involved", is now definitely over and he would be devastated if she found out.

What is your connection, will it come back on you one way or another?

If you're her best friend or family member, you should have told her as soon as you knew.
If you're anyone else- snout out.

Stay out of it. You'll end up the bad guy.

Another vote for this.

I’m sorry but never stay out of it please tell her so she can make her own decision , you don’t no who else he might of been with and she deserves to do an sti test I hate when people say don’t tell etc etc , yes she might go off on you she might be complete reasonable you just don’t no but she’s sat at home non the wiser

I'm one half of the other side, unfortunately. It could be anonymous, although he will know. Unlikely to cause any problems on this side. But the consensus seems to be to keep quiet!

He would be devastated if she found out... what a prize. Perhaps he should have thought about that devastation when cheating?

I would want to know. I say tell her.

My vote is always for tell her, she deserves not to waste her life on a cheat, or at least have a choice in the matter.

There is a thread like this every day. Most posters say they'd want to know but a few cheaters? say they don't want to know

I'd say, as you are the other person, tell her. He could do this again, in a more 'involved' way, with somebody else in the future and she deserves the opportunity to make an informed decision about her relationship. Although I'd suggest double checking your motivations for why you feel you want to - is it definitely for her benefit?

Absolutely tell her, even if it means you loose your friendship/relationship with her. She deserves to know and as a PP said deserves to take an STI test too for her health.

They normally just take them back anyway when they have young kids with them otherwise they risk loosing the family home so i don’t know if I’d bother.

I wouldn't tell. Maybe he'll realise how close he came to losing his family. If I could say this to him, I would.

At least 'they' can make a choice based on knowledge of the truth.

Definitely tell, but don't expect any thanks or for him to fall into your arms.

What a crap situation.

So you are the person he cheated with? Or am I confused?

Absolutely tell her. If you have proof, it's then her choice how to deal with it.

Or the partner of the person he cheated with...

ABSOLUTELY TELL !!

As a gaslighted wife who thought she knew ..

TELL HER ! Then she can make her own informed decision.. I can't believe such a strong female support site tells people to keep this quiet... had my friends told me I would have made the right decision 18 fucking years before I found out for myself and fucked up the lives of 5 kids

It depends on your motivation for telling her.

I’d tell the wife.
Then she can decide what she wants to do.

But do it for HER, not as revenge against him etc….

As for those saying ‘it won’t change anything, the wife will stay anyway’, the point if telling the wife is NOT to ensure they separate. She is allowed to chose to stay and staying isn’t the lesser option. It’s just one option.

‘They’ will however be able to have std checks, recognise signs of it happening again, so able to keep themselves safer, make life changing decisions with the full truth in front of them, start to protect themselves EVEN if they do ‘stay so they don’t risk losing the family home’…

Honestly posts like this always astound me.

Just tell her and be done with it!

Nope, it doesn’t, result is the same whatever the ‘reason’ for telling is, a betrayed has her personal agency back.

Keep out of it.

She deserves to know. And then she can make up her own mind as to what she wants to do.

Exactly this from someone who was in the betrayed wife's position!