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Original poster

Should she be told?

58 replies

Cushionnn · 01/03/2023 19:47

Long-time user but different account for this.

I'm sure you can guess from the title. Someone's husband has had an affair. Does the wife deserve to know? Two young kids. Can provide evidence. But affair wasn't particularly "involved", is now definitely over and he would be devastated if she found out.

OP posts:
Planesmistakenforstars · 02/03/2023 10:48

My vote is always to tell her. Let her make an informed choice about her own life.

he would be devastated if she found out.

Oh no! Funny how that never stops them before they put their dick in someone else.

MyriadOfTravels · 02/03/2023 10:50

Stitchesremoved22 · 02/03/2023 10:47

I wouldn't get involved.
You don't know how people will react, possibly violently from either partner. You don't know what other people's relationships are like.
What if the wife killed herself or something like that. Its not your responsibility or marriage or problem.
Focus on your own life.

It wouldn’t be the OP’s responsibility of the wife decided to then kill herself either….

Stitchesremoved22 · 02/03/2023 10:52

Well no but I can't imagine you'd feel great if that happened.
People rarely want to tell for good altruistic reasons anyway. I still say stay out of it and focus on yourself.

KeanuKenunu · 02/03/2023 10:57

Telling her will allow her to deal in facts and reality. It is possible she suspects and he will have given her the 'you're crazy' stuff which will undermine her. 'Not getting involved' is never helpful for people who need support in a bad relationship.

Pesimistic · 02/03/2023 13:49

If it was me I'd want to know

Bookworm20 · 02/03/2023 14:24

I can never understand people who say to keep out of it!

Absolutely tell her. She then has a choice whether to waste her life with him or not.

Yes, she will be devastated. But remember, you are not throwing a wrecking ball into this womans life OP, her husband did that when he cheated on her.

Imagine if she wasn't told and 10 years time learned the truth. That devastation would be far far worse, knowing the last 10 years of her life was a lie, and possibly may even be another child thrown into the mix.

strawberry2017 · 02/03/2023 14:25

If there's proof I would want to know.

Btjdkfnn · 02/03/2023 14:54

Sellsellseller · 01/03/2023 20:25

They normally just take them back anyway when they have young kids with them otherwise they risk loosing the family home so i don’t know if I’d bother.

I took back my h when he cheated when my DC were very little. Nothing to do with the family home. Everything to do with the kids themselves - particularly the autistic one who couldn't have lived between 2 homes. And wanting to make my kids' lives the happiest they could possibly be with both their parents there full time. It's so ignorant to think it's about a bloody house. I don't regret it and I'm 12 years on from when he did it.

Anyway, I'd tell the woman. She may have suspicions anyway and deserves to be able to make a decision based on facts and knowledge. Just because others might not like that decision, it doesn't mean it's the wrong one.

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