Why women want to go ut all the time?

Fatherlockeroo · 2023-02-25T21:41:06+00:00

My wife has infinite amounts of energy when it comes to going out, and its driving me insane, i work monday to friday spend up tp 14 hours out of home, and in the weekends when all i want to do is to stay home and relax, she wants to go out and do something, im havent had a weeknd at home in 3 years, its driving me crazy, i assume she feels the same when she is home (she is not a home wife she works as a theacher) i can see her despair when the idea of maybe staying home comes to the table, she even says that for her to rest she needs to do something outside, and i ask myself "How a freaking 5 hours hike means resting?" everytime i go out with her and the kids i end up even more tired that when i came home and im about to loose it, i need to sleep i need for once to just lay around a do nothing, and im trying to understand why my wife is soo dam disgusted by the idea of just stay home instead of going out and spending money in gas being worried about what are we going to eat or having to drive home at 11:00 pm, while all of them are sleep and i have to stay up to come home after an day out i didn't wanted participate anyway, please i need help understanding this cause one of this days im either dying of exaustion or getting us all killed by falling sleep on the road, thanks for listening btw.

Ragwort · 25/02/2023 21:43

Can't she go out without you? Why do you have to do everything together? My DH is much more sociable than me and enjoys going out. I don't, he is out tonight, I am happily at home. Suits us.

DiastasisRectiSucks · 25/02/2023 21:43

Neither of you are wrong or broken 💐

You are just different styles of people who recharge in different ways.

The best thing to do is figure out how to break up the weekends in a way where you both get to spend at least half the time in the way that suits you best. While also making sure you both spend time with the kids

Successgirl2022 · 25/02/2023 21:45

You don't match how you prefer to relax after work.

Didn't you notice this while you were dating?

Successgirl2022 · 25/02/2023 21:45

I work every other weekend.

We go out about once a month with my DH.

Zanatdy · 25/02/2023 21:47

You both need to compromise. You need to be honest and say that you don’t want to go every weekend and she needs to be reasonable and not expect you to go every single weekend. I’d hate to be doing stuff every single weekend too.

Original poster

Fatherlockeroo · 25/02/2023 21:49

I did i just had more energy back then.

OP posts:

Cupofteaaa5 · 25/02/2023 21:52

Yeah everyone is different. I'm like you, I prefer to relax on weekends and stay home and my partner is the same. But I know people who hate staying home and enjoy spending all their free time going out places. It's a difficult situation but I think you just need to talk to her and explain, and maybe find a compromise? Spend Saturday going out and Sundays resting? Or she could go out without you sometimes?

Original poster

Fatherlockeroo · 25/02/2023 21:56

We tried to do the you go out i stay home or go half half, but she hates it, for real is like she feels trapped at home, and i would understand this if she were a stay home mom but she is not neither of us are stay home parents, we have one kid and he spends half of his day at school and half home and even he preffers just staying home playing Fortnite in his computer than going out with us, she constantly says it that we are boring that we need to enjoy life and see the world but to be honest i can enjoy the world from home watching a movie or inviting some friends to a barbecue something that doesn't implies i have to be somwhere else but she despise it she despise being home, and she always been like that i remember when we were young she hated being in her parents house we went out all the time, and dreamed about having her own place and now we have our own place she doesn't want to be here either, i think there must be something else im not noticing is not normal someone despise being home so much.

OP posts:

ThereIbledit · 25/02/2023 21:58

You need to talk to her not us. Tell her that you don't have the energy to be going out doing active things every weekend day, and suggest you all have a day watching films and eating pizza once in a while, or that if she really needs to go our for her rest that sometimes she goes and you stay at home.

gamerchick · 25/02/2023 22:02

Tell her you're staying at home next week to chill and she can go out or not. She can't physically force you to go out man. Just stay in.

AlmostaMamma · 25/02/2023 22:04

Fatherlockeroo · 25/02/2023 21:56

We tried to do the you go out i stay home or go half half, but she hates it, for real is like she feels trapped at home, and i would understand this if she were a stay home mom but she is not neither of us are stay home parents, we have one kid and he spends half of his day at school and half home and even he preffers just staying home playing Fortnite in his computer than going out with us, she constantly says it that we are boring that we need to enjoy life and see the world but to be honest i can enjoy the world from home watching a movie or inviting some friends to a barbecue something that doesn't implies i have to be somwhere else but she despise it she despise being home, and she always been like that i remember when we were young she hated being in her parents house we went out all the time, and dreamed about having her own place and now we have our own place she doesn't want to be here either, i think there must be something else im not noticing is not normal someone despise being home so much.

Why does she feel trapped at home if she goes out and you stay at home? Please explain.

Slimjimtobe · 25/02/2023 22:07

Does she drive ?
it seems very unfair

you have to compromise (well I mean she does!)

my dh prefers to be home but every other weekend we do something (it’s fair and we both do our own thing - sometimes I take the kids out and sometimes he does)

don’t let her guilt trip you

Original poster

Fatherlockeroo · 25/02/2023 22:11

AlmostaMamma · 25/02/2023 22:04

Why does she feel trapped at home if she goes out and you stay at home? Please explain.

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I wish i knew i may be able to talk with her about it but i got an small clue about it onde day while we were talking about it she said when she is home she can't distract herfelf from her thougths and when she thinks she starts noticing all the bad stuff in her life and she doesn't like to think about it pretty much she is trying to stay ocuppied i guess, she comes from a very strict family and my theory is that she has a lot of resentment for goung out of the path her parents wanted her to go i mean they wanted her to be an Doctor but she rejected that, i think thats what she thinks about whathever she is relaxed and she uses goung out, work and anything she can to aboid feeling or thinking about things she doesn't like.

OP posts:

TheMoth · 25/02/2023 22:14

Tell her to take up running. She'll be way calmer after a 10k or so every weekend.

Although as a fellow teacher, I would like some of her weekend energy. Mine goes:
Friday night- drink then sleep.
Saturday- run, moan at my lazy family/ drag between 1-3 of them out for a walk.
Sunday- washing/ change beds/ housework/ school work.
I am always the one who makes everyone very up and do stuff though.

gamerchick · 25/02/2023 22:16

Why can't she just go out by herself?

AlmostaMamma · 25/02/2023 22:25

Fatherlockeroo · 25/02/2023 22:11

I wish i knew i may be able to talk with her about it but i got an small clue about it onde day while we were talking about it she said when she is home she can't distract herfelf from her thougths and when she thinks she starts noticing all the bad stuff in her life and she doesn't like to think about it pretty much she is trying to stay ocuppied i guess, she comes from a very strict family and my theory is that she has a lot of resentment for goung out of the path her parents wanted her to go i mean they wanted her to be an Doctor but she rejected that, i think thats what she thinks about whathever she is relaxed and she uses goung out, work and anything she can to aboid feeling or thinking about things she doesn't like.

Show quote history

None of that answers my question. She can go out and you can stay home. It’s the obvious solution. So why don’t you just do that?

AlmostaMamma · 25/02/2023 22:26

gamerchick · 25/02/2023 22:16

Why can't she just go out by herself?

A few of us have asked this. He doesn’t seem to like the question.

itispersonal · 25/02/2023 22:32

I'm a bit like your wife, I find it hard to do nothing in the house and feel the need to go out at the weekend. My dp and dd are very much like you and they need to stop at the weekend to recharge physically and mentally!

If dp and dd aren't in the house I can do nothing but if they are there I get anxious that we should be doing something as a family, as at home we mostly all do our own thing. I have gotten better and with dp and dd both having ASD I understand more they need to relax. But if I'm feeling twitchy I'll walk the dog or arrange a walk with a friend, go see family on my own. So I think you need to speak to your wife and just say this weekend I'm having chill days, next weekend we can do x and alternate. There's plenty of hiking groups she could potentially join, depending on area

Opentooffers · 25/02/2023 22:37

Sounds like you are cow towing to her needs all the time. Instead of complaining, do something about it. Put your foot down for a change and let her go on her own with DC, or not at all. Does she drive? If so, why are you complaining about them getting to sleep in the car late in the evening when she could and should be doing the driving given its her idea? You could be having a rest then, that's one complaint easily taken care of.
You see, there's moaning, and then there's working a way round stuff.

Pinkbonbon · 25/02/2023 22:39

Odd assumption that wanting to go out has anything to do with being a woman.

Some people are extroverts. Some are introverts. Some are ambiverts.

Tell her 'I'm staying in next weekend so make plans for yourself if you want to go out for it'.

Cosycover · 25/02/2023 22:41

Ask your not home wife to stay home some weekends?

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 25/02/2023 22:48

Personal take on it. I only get one life, I'm not spending it sat on my arse in the house.

Cheshiremamalife · 25/02/2023 22:55

I used to feel exactly like your wife. Always planning the next day out, booking the next holiday and feeling pretty restless most of the time. A day of staying at home would have been my worst nightmare! Turns out, it was 'home' that was making feel this way. We moved house (from a busy town to a very small, rural village) and I've never felt so content. Now, I barely leave the village at the weekend and I've never been happier! Could it be a change that she needs? I know I behaved the way I did as I felt the need to escape 'home'.

UsingChangeofName · 25/02/2023 22:55

It isn't "women" that want to go out all the time.
It is one person. Just your wife. Not half the adult population.

However, if she is so restless / needing to be out of the house so much, I don't understand why that needs to involve you. Why can't some of the time you want to relax at home be her going places without you ?

arethereanyleftatall · 25/02/2023 23:03

I'll repeat the obvious question in case you keep missing it...why can't she just go out and you stay in?