Why women want to go ut all the time?

[Fatherlockeroo]

My wife has infinite amounts of energy when it comes to going out, and its driving me insane, i work monday to friday spend up tp 14 hours out of home, and in the weekends when all i want to do is to stay home and relax, she wants to go out and do something, im havent had a weeknd at home in 3 years, its driving me crazy, i assume she feels the same when she is home (she is not a home wife she works as a theacher) i can see her despair when the idea of maybe staying home comes to the table, she even says that for her to rest she needs to do something outside, and i ask myself "How a freaking 5 hours hike means resting?" everytime i go out with her and the kids i end up even more tired that when i came home and im about to loose it, i need to sleep i need for once to just lay around a do nothing, and im trying to understand why my wife is soo dam disgusted by the idea of just stay home instead of going out and spending money in gas being worried about what are we going to eat or having to drive home at 11:00 pm, while all of them are sleep and i have to stay up to come home after an day out i didn't wanted participate anyway, please i need help understanding this cause one of this days im either dying of exaustion or getting us all killed by falling sleep on the road, thanks for listening btw.

It’s not a women thing. My fiancé is like this. He has to go out of the house at least once whereas I could happily stay in my PJs and not leave the house for a few days.

I do like doing stuff at the weekend but there are times where I need one where I don’t do anything (I’m a teacher too and impressed your wife has so much energy!) so he will make plans to see friends or do something on his own.

It’s not a gender thing, it’s just people are different. Me and my DH both like to be active (for instance we go on long bike rides at weekends) and I find staying in unrelaxing. Our kids are much more used than most kids to cycling miles, or going to full on cultural stuff - quite possibly they share our personality traits so it comes naturally to them. We sometimes go on city break weekends with our uni friends and sometimes, we‘ll be up and have gone to several galleries or concerts or something while our friends are asleep! You could say we are manic, or that they are lazy but in reality there is no right or wrong! I don‘t really get why your wife doesn‘t go for a long run/hike or something or go out to see friends while you have a potter. You need to stop judging each other and each do a bit more or what you fancy alone.

you sound incompatible. She would exhaust me.
your whining and yet going along and doing something you don’t want to do would also exhaust me.
just don’t go. Look after yourself. And it’s not “women” ffs.

For those of you who appear to not know how to view all of OP’s posts!

Do you actually know any other women? It doesn't sound like it...

We can see it. We’re asking for an explanation of this: We tried to do the you go out I stay home or go half half, but she hates it

He was asked why she couldn’t just go out without him. If she hates it, then why does she hate it?

If she is struggling with her mental health perhaps it would be good for her to see a counsellor. You mention that she always has to keep busy to stop her mind racing etc maybe if she got help she'd be happier at home. Or maybe it is the actual house itself theway she's not happy with. Does it need decorating? Would she rather live in a city rather than a village?etc etc
You really will need to seek a compromise.

I like going out more to relax. If we stay at home then all the things that constantly need doing are right there and I struggle to relax. And it feels like a waste of time when there is so much to do and see in life. DH and DC have no issue ignoring all the things needing to be done and lazing about on computers etc. Bu we compromise and covid lockdowns have made me better at staying at home, but I'd still prefer to be out and about doing things on the weekend.

I think if staying home meant my children spent all day on fortnight I would want to go out too! The change in children after whole day gaming is not fun or ok. I think the compromise is does it have to be an all day hike. I always like to get out and do something each day at the weekend but that doesn’t have to be all day. I also sometimes take children without dh because he is naturally more like you. I don’t have to go by myself though- lots of friends whose children are similar and enjoy spending time together. Might that be possible?

I like to go out at weekends because it's easier to entertain the kids. Dh would prefer to stay in but will often come. Who's dealing with kids if your home?

Hi @Fatherlockeroo my DH loves going out on the weekends. He likes to make the most of the weekends. I do like going out but not all the time, i'm happy to just potter about at home. I would say take rest when you feel you need it, i do, i feel better for it and am a happier person to be around 🌝

I wonder if "staying in" for her actually means more house work, or being stuck in the place she default cleans and maintains, and watching everyone going off to do their own solitary thing like video games or "lying down all day". Presumably going out means a fresh place and actually doing things together as a family.

You say you used to have more energy so you've changed over time. Instead of just whining on mumsnet about "why are all women like this", could you look at improving your energy levels too? For example, a less demanding working routine as you get older and can't handle those hours anymore? A health check for vitamin levels? A better diet and some exercise?

If she does end up going off on her own all the time (and I hope she does BTW, especially if it gets easier as the kids get older), then she may eventually wonder what the point of being married at all is when you're leading separate lives.

OP, your wife does not represent all women, we are not a hive mind, just like men were individuals. Your title is weird.

Could ye not compromise by going out Sunday and staying home Saturday. That would mean you doing house cleaning Saturday morning so she is not left with all the work. Does she ever meet up with a friend for coffee or a walk?

OP, you did not answer the question many have asked of why she can't go out on her own and you stay at home? Simple solution really! Loads of groups she can join if she wants company.

A) you have different personality types, and B) you have children so what happens when you stay at home? Does she have to deal with them solo while you slink off to a room by yourself and do whatever? Who cooks the food when you're at home/thinks about what the meals are?
C) At home she just sees all the jobs that need to be done so it's just not at all restful, it's extremely stressful.

I also prefer to get out and my DH likes to be in. We have a balance, but he wins out too often and frankly on those weekends I feel miserable as I do everything and we row about the amount of jobs that he is able to just ignore and I can't t. It's not nice family time it's totally depressing to me

This would drive me crazy too, OP.

It's not a women thing op, people are just different some people like to relax and potter at home others enjoy being active and busy neither are wrong just different. ( She sounds great actually but then I would be in the wanting to go out and do things camp.) from what you have said it sounds like she has a very busy brain and likes to keep her mind occupied with physical activities. I know it's been said lots of times already but ye are going to need to talk and compromise a bit eg. Go out on a Saturday and have a lazy day on a Sunday. I can understand you want some down time at a the weekend and you aren't wrong for pointing that out to your wife. Has she many friends? Could she join a club doing something she enjoys? Talk to her op explain that you are worn out and need to scale back on the outings a bit.

She’s obviously keeping busy to avoid her emotional pain. It’s her way of coping. Stop enabling it. Prioritise your need for rest and let her go out on her own if she wants to keep avoiding her stuff.

I think it's more he doesn't want her to go out on her own. Or the other way round maybe.

I prefer to be out of the house at the weekends as much as possible. Lazing atound doing nothing actually stresses me out. Partially because I like to be active but also if I'm at home I feel I should be tackling never-ending house work.
I share a hobby with dc so we get up early and go half days/ full days. Dh is welcome to join us but rarely does. He prefers to rest ( sleep his life away) I can't force him to come and he can't force me to stay home.
I also want to encourage healthy life habits for my kids and set an example. Home gaming all weekend sounds incredibly grim.
A compromise would be 1 day active and 1 day relaxing, but your kids need to be active imo.

People are just different I guess. I’m more like your wife, I like a long walk at least one day of the weekend and wouldn’t enjoy sitting around watching films. Do you have to do things together? Guess it’s a matter of compromise if so.

Firstly I get that you are working long hours and feeling tired.However are you eating properly ,can you maybe have some fruit /veg on the go (Apple /banana dried fruit or whatever?) Maybe feel a little better. (This happened to me )As far as going out I am like your wife! I never feel really relaxed unless I have been out.Can you compromise ,Say Look Linda ,I love you and your company ,but I cant go out every week! Maybe week on week off .Can she not go out alone at all ? Its not fair to drag everyone along if they dont enjoy it.What about a trip to the Cinema or lunch out maybe . Something like that.What about a mooch round a Sunday market or beauty spot for an hour or so then home for lunch. She cannot dictate her schedule 24/7 its not fair on you

I can see it from both sides. It's just different personality styles.

I go through periods of time when all I want to do after a week of work is to just have a chilled weekend sat at home doing absolutely nothing.

However, my default style of "resting" is to go for a long walk, go for a run, workout. It clears my head more than just being sat there.

I'd be curious to know whether this is a recent thing with your wife though or whether she's always been like this.

My husband is like your wife. He has itchy feet if he stays in the house and wants to be out every evening and weekends. Staying in the house is not an option, even if it just for a walk or to the shops. He's a Gemini and I'm a Virgo, so we are wired differently.

You need to fine your balance. He will push me to do things that I wouldn't organise or go out of my way to do, because he's a social butterfly. When I do go I enjoy myself, so it's about compromise .

When I need time at home or just to chill, he'll arrange to do something with a friend or family member.

Hope this helps