Why women want to go ut all the time?

[Fatherlockeroo]

My wife has infinite amounts of energy when it comes to going out, and its driving me insane, i work monday to friday spend up tp 14 hours out of home, and in the weekends when all i want to do is to stay home and relax, she wants to go out and do something, im havent had a weeknd at home in 3 years, its driving me crazy, i assume she feels the same when she is home (she is not a home wife she works as a theacher) i can see her despair when the idea of maybe staying home comes to the table, she even says that for her to rest she needs to do something outside, and i ask myself "How a freaking 5 hours hike means resting?" everytime i go out with her and the kids i end up even more tired that when i came home and im about to loose it, i need to sleep i need for once to just lay around a do nothing, and im trying to understand why my wife is soo dam disgusted by the idea of just stay home instead of going out and spending money in gas being worried about what are we going to eat or having to drive home at 11:00 pm, while all of them are sleep and i have to stay up to come home after an day out i didn't wanted participate anyway, please i need help understanding this cause one of this days im either dying of exaustion or getting us all killed by falling sleep on the road, thanks for listening btw.

Perhaps you want to stay home and have your DC on the screen all day while you rest. Your DW maybe prefers DC to have some exercise and learning experiences. Men who want to stay at home rarely envisage doing much in the way of childcare and children are much easier to entertain when you take them out.

Its this in a nutshell really. Entertaining children in the house all weekend isn't typically 'restful'. Unless someone else is doing the entertaining while you relax.
There's nothing stopping OP from telling his wife to go out alone while he rests at home with the DC though if he thinks differently.

I’m exactly like your wife and my dh is exactly like you. We’ve been married 15 years and have got to the point now where we split the weekends in two. So one day we’ll do some sort of outing somewhere and on the Sunday he gets to do whatever he likes (usually gaming / falling asleep in front of the tv) and I go out without him, usually with our son aged 11 as he’s like me and gets fidgety at home too. (Our eldest aged 20 dd is like dad, she’d literally never leave her room)! I think different people are just really different. You just have to learn to accept each other.

I do think if you have younger children you need to be out a bit more, at least having a walk into town or whatever, it’s a long day trying to keep them entertained otherwise.

Obvious answer is you stay home sometimes, while she goes out. Sometimes she can take the children out with her, and sometimes they can stay home with you. And you go out with her some of the time.

If you think she's afraid to stay home because she doesn't want time to think, then perhaps if you can afford it, you might see if she would be open to going to therapy. Or if she might be depressed or anxious about something at home, maybe you could work on what that is together or with therapy.

Also, maybe home is full of work to do so doesn't feel restful or like a break for her? Like household chores/DIY?

If so, maybe consider whether you're doing your share at home day to day. And maybe getting a cleaner/handyman in if it's unmanageable.

Do you have an outside job? We do need sunlight, fresh air and exercise, and she would be stuck in a classroom or doing other desk work much of the week.

I'm with your wife here. I would hate for my life to consist of just work and being at home relaxing. For me there is nothing enriching of spending every weekend just being at home and I couldn't cope with the thought of having no memories with my family. Sounds very insular. The obvious thing to do in your case though is to go out one of the weekend days, and stay in the other.

Just tell her, you are going to have a relaxed month in march, you will have one or two days out but other than that you are staying home.

She sounds a bit like me. I can’t sit still - I have to be doing things, all the time (unless I come on mumsnet 😂).

raises hand and clears throat

My name is LaughingCat and I have ADHD.

I run 100 miles at a time. Last weekend I emptied an entire pond with just a mop bucket because I couldn’t wait for the pump to arrive. I leave the house and walk every single day. When I sit down for more than half an hour, my muscles start to physically scream and I feel like I can’t catch my breath, like there’s a weight on my chest and I haveto getup, I have tomove,Ican’tsitanymorepleaseletmemovenownownownownow…

I started titration (which is the term they use for ‘trying you out on different doses of medication until you find the one that work but doesn’t leave you covered in itchy hives with a migraine’). I can actually sit down for a few hours and chill. I don’t have to find an excuse to get up four times in a single TV episode. We have weekends at home, together. It’s much better.

I’m not saying she has undiagnosed ADHD…but is it a possibility?

My boyfriend is like this so he’s gone on a walk with my kids and I can relax at home. I had to sit down with him recently and just explain to him that I don’t want to be doing things all weekend because that’s not relaxing. He loves waking up early on a Sunday and doing jobs, going out and staying busy until it’s dark! I am definitely a lot more chilled (also currently pregnant!) but basically just talk to her. Maybe she could sign up to some kind of social club or volunteering that sees just her having a responsibility on the weekend.
its not up to you to accompany her or babysit her whilst she drags you all out. You only live once why spend your weekends of rest catering to her wants and needs!

Not all women 🤦‍♀️
And just stay home. It's not rocket science 🙄

As pp have pointed out, my first comment is that 'women' don't want to go out all the time. It would be interesting to understand why you think this is something all women are like? Or if you think all women are the same?

Your wife is an individual person, who likes going out. It has nothing to do with her gender. Some women love staying home. Some men love going out.

Secondly, you don't have to go out if you don't want to. Your wife isn't 'wrong' wanting to go out and you aren't 'wrong' wanting to stay at home. In healthy relationships you compromise. So perhaps you'd go out on Saturday and stay at home on Sunday. But you'd also share the driving, the housework, the parenting etc alongside that.

It isn't practical to live life always going out - when does the cleaning and homework and washing get done? But to have one 'out' day every weekend isn't so unusual.

He didn't say he wants to spend all weekend every weekend doing nothing just that it would be nice to relax sometimes.

It's great you like keeping busy but it's not healthy in any relationship to have one person dictating to everyone. And while you may have fond memories with your family you may find your family's memories of being dragged out against their will are not so fond.

OP you need to have a conversation with your partner and come up with a compromise. As others have said, maybe go out one day and stay home the second.

If she doesn't like going out alone that's her problem. She needs to address her issues instead of running from them.

Except he said: in the weekends when all i want to do is to stay home and relax.

They are just not a good match. She probably finds him boring and uninteresting, he finds her annoying and too active.

I haven't dragged my family out at weekends, I was lucky that my kids were also active and my ex came along too most of the time because he wanted to spend quality time with us. Their kid wants to stay in an play fortnite and therefore doesn't want to go out. I suspect that suits OP perfectly fine because then he can just relax at home. Most parents wants more than that for their kids.

Set some ground rules and plan ahead.

If you state you need every other weekend to completely turn off, relax at home. She is welcome to plan an activity to go out with friends as you know she needs to get out to relax.

Then the other weekends plan something for Saturday afternoon and catch up testing on the Sunday.

You are both wired differently.

I'm like you, it drives my husband mad as he has to go out to relax.