So now I'm a sh*t parent and I took DS1 one with me to the shop to tell him "my version" of events......

[FAQ]

apparently. Ok "sh*t parent" weren't his exact words - but he wasn't exactly nice with his comments about how I look after the DS's during the week.

Another big argument - this time with him shouting in my face and talking to me like I was 12yrs old (funny only last night he said I wasn't 12yrs old so didn't need to justify myself........).

Anyhow, after it was over DS1 was just about to burst into tears sat on the sofa (DS2 close behind) and when I gave him a hug and reassured him that we both love him lots he hugged me and sobbed.

Decided as I needed to go to the shop perhaps a walk would do him good and asked if he wanted to come - he did (DS2 opted to stay and watch "Gamer TV" on Bravo). On the way there and back we talked about alsorts of random things - including "fly cars", "bee cars" and "pea cars".

When I got back DH said "so you took DS1 with you to give him your version of events did you". Told him that I hadn't - but he didn't seem convinced.

Fine if he's going to call me a sh*t parent - but not right in front of DS2 and DS1

This man's behaviour is getting worse and more unreasonable by the day. Accusing you of doing stuff to upset him in your sleep is the behaviour of someone who is either working to reduce you to abject submission and obedience (he knows you harbour thoughts of rebellion but he's gooing to root out every last one) - or the reaction of someone who is in fact becoming mentally ill himself. It is just possible that your DH is starting to suffer from some kind of paranoid disorder, where everything everyone else does is part of a plan to make him suffer.
ENjoy your break - onoy a couple of days to go.

FAQ, can I ask why your dh thinks you don't look after the boys as well as him?

you know what Madamez - I have thought about that myself. Yes we've had "issues" for a long time - but nothing like this.

Just looked up something about paranoid personality disorder and it says

"present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:

1.Suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming, or deceiving him or her.

2.Is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates.

3.Is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him or her.

4.Reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks or events persistently bears grudges, i.e., is unforgiving of insults, injuries, or slights.

5.Perceives attacks on his or her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily or to counterattack.

6.Has recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding fidelity of spouse or sexual partner."

I say numbers 1, 3 (he's always very reluctant to divulge any information about what is happening with us to ANYONE), 2 (possibly - but as he never really talks about how he's feeling I don't know for sure), 4 and 5 are all true of him......

WOS - I don't know really - he seems to think that because I occasionally shout (and swear ) at them - not all the time I hasten to add, if it happens it's most often about 5.30pm when I'm trying to cook dinner, DS3 has just woken up from his sleep and DS1 and DS2 are bickering about a toy.

I apparently also "miss" important health things (latest examples are DS1 had an odd looking finger - after a Dr.s trip it turned out he'd scratched it, it had got slightly infected, infection had since cleared up but he kept picking at the scabs, I didn't notice it.......probably because I'm not in the habit of intently examining my 7yr olds fingers. 2nd one was DS3 appears to have a slightly gunky eye......I personally think it's just because he's got a snotty nose and he keeps rubbing his nose and then his eye.....and trasnferring snot around the side).

It should be mentioned here (of course ), that the ONLY time any of our DC have been admitted to hospital (thankfully only for the day) was after I became concerned about DS3 and made an emergency doctors appointment - he then sent us off to the hospital.....turns out it was a particularly nasty ear infection. DH asked me on the morning that I'd rung up for the appointment "why did you do that" - and I remember telling him that I was concerned....

You see I'm a MOTHER - and after having 3 children I do tend to have some idea when something serious is wrong .

I'm sure there's more things he's mentioned - but can't think of them right now

God.

Sounds like a nightmare actually.

I would hate to be talked down to like that

hopefully your holiday will give you time to think clearly without him intimidating you.

"oh but it's not a holiday you know - I'm supposed to be deciding whether I'm prepared to live by his rules or not"............

Sod that I'm taking the DS's on HOLIDAY for the week, we're going to have fabulous time, I'm going to meet some lovely MN'ers, go out and get drunk with them, meet up with old friends and show them my favourtie city in the whole wide world

Interestingly this morning he did finally answer my question as to whether he wants me here or not (he refused to answer previously only saying "I want the DS's here with me", but refusing to say where I fitted into that just kept saying "it's up to you" (no it's not effing up to me as I can't make your mind up for you).

I did warn him this morning that if I made the decision to leave he'd better be prepared for that fact that I may leave with the DS's and move quite some distance away. Not sure about that yet - atm part of me thinks "if we split I want to make a proper break and start afresh somewhere else" (as we have no family ties around here and only moved to this town because of house prices LOL). Other part of me thinks "actually the DS's have friends here, I have friends here and I've made a bit of a life for myself with church stuff etc etc and it would be hard to leave that behind as well as a marriage) IYKWIM.

His response was "well you do what you have to do"..........oh how he may regret those words....

oh - and FWIW he's fucked my whole routine with DS3 up. Had to go out this morning to do assembly at the school next door........usually friend and I are "sidekicks" (me playing the piano, her working the powerpoint thing and doing a small bit on the side) but we had to plan it and do it ourselves this time!!! It was fabulous and we both came out feeling very proud of ourselves (didn't tell that to DH of course - he'd just have found a way to put a damper on it)

Anyhow, yes DS3 did wake up a little later this morning (7.30 instead of 5-6.30) so may not have slept for so long for his morning nap. BUT DH managed to keep him awake until 11.30......when we would usually be just waking up/coming to the end of his nap) and put him down then.........he's still asleep now - which is going to fck up his 3pm sleep.......which in turn is going to fck up the whole day.

He KNOWS that I always put him down between 10 and 10.30 regardless of what time he woke up - as he'll always have a nap - even if it's just 45 minutes or so.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

He sounds like an arse. I would leave . You don't deserve to be treated like this.

oh and (yes I know I'm talking to myself - my mum and dad are out this afternoon and DB not answering his phone ) I'm going to buy him a pair of earplugs this afternoon when DS3 eventually wakes up so we can go to town.....

He can stick those in after I get up with DS3 in the mornings and the DS's can act like normal children while he's still sleeping.

How're you tonight?

Did ds have a good nap today?

Are you feeling a bit better?

Not too bad - feeling quite relaxed actually .

my brother decided to ring at 9.45pm (well I have re-iterated several times in the past NOT to call before 8pm....so he was just being extra cautious I guess). Was still on the phone when DH came in.

Don't know if he's realised the earplugs sitting on the (extremely clean and tidy) worktop are for him - but if he doesn't ask before he goes to bed I shall tell him that

"they are a solution to both our problems. He doesn't have to be disturbed by the DS's making noise in the mornings, and I don't have to get stressed and shouty at the DS's for making too much noise" .

Ds3 only had ONE nap!!! He woke up from that sleep at 2pm. Played on the floor until 3.15 when I went to get DS1 from school. Had milk at 3.30 and then we went to town, he was in the pushchair until 5pm and was still wide awake when we came home. Got closer to 6pm and I realised there was no way I was going to be able to fit another nap in for him without it messing up bedtime too. So he had a little bit of dinner, bath at 7pm, another bottle at 7.30 and then played again until 8pm - so up for 6hrs straight!!

Only two more days so I'm feeling "ok"......

Thanks

Glad you're feeling a bit better

Don't get why he has to have lie-ins in the morning though, when you're both in bed late!

because he gets up in the night with DS3 and DS2 or 1 if needs be.

Made sense while DS3 was still waking regularly in the night, but as that's only stopped in the last few weeks I can't be ar*ed with the fuss of changing it right now.