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Original poster

Those in happy ‘perfect’ relationships…

70 replies

Perfectpeonies · 21/02/2023 22:36

How did you know they were the ‘one’. What qualities make your relationship happy?

I’ve spent so long studying red flags that I’ve forgotten what green looks like.

OP posts:
FiddleLeaf · 21/02/2023 22:46

Mutual respect and essentially, we want the best for each other. The support is unquestionable but it’s also a safe space to call each other out on BS.

When I read posts here regarding walking on egg shells it sends shivers down my spine.

GreenLeavesRustling · 21/02/2023 22:50

He’s kind. He respects me. He pulls his weight. I’m totally relaxed around him. In 22 years he has never so much as raised his voice to me.

Rahrahrahraah · 21/02/2023 22:53

I came on to say that it's the relationships that appear "perfect" that are usually the most fucked up.

Stop looking for perfect. Look for a friend that you share values with and that you fancy.

Sealover123 · 21/02/2023 22:58

My husband makes me feel comfortable, I can be myself at all times around him. I'm attracted to him, and he always makes me smile and laugh. We support each other and are best friends.

JizzlordTheCat · 21/02/2023 22:58

I don’t think we’re perfect (as individuals, or as a couple) but we’re happy and actively choose to be with each other.

I’ve never once caught him lying to me. Maybe he has an he’s exceptionally good at it, but I’ve never encountered him lying to anyone else either, and we’ve been together a very long time. I trust him hugely because of this. I grew up in a house full of secrets and lies, so the exact opposite took me a while to get used to.

It gives me psychological safety. I’ve never had to have my hackles up, I don’t need to doubt myself, or second guess our relationship. I know where I stand.

It’s nice.

I know plenty of people like a dramatic relationship, can see it as passion, but I’m very happy with relative predictability and security.

NCGrandParent · 21/02/2023 23:00

I wouldn't use the word "perfect" about anything, least of all a relationship. Relationships - by their nature - are ups and downs, give and take. Things I appreciate with my DH that I didn't have before (in Amy friendship, family or romantic relationship)

*Can have a disagreement without it being a mortal wound to the person

*Small kindnesses, often.

*Show gratitude and give thanks

*Are (mostly) reliable - will do what they say they will or provide a decent reason why not.

*Are pleased for me when something nice happens

*Want to comfort me if I am upset

*I can relax completely in their presence. Be myself.

BasiliskStare · 21/02/2023 23:01

friends , shared values & you quite like the bedroom department but can talk & laugh about it Shared interests - a few count but does not need to be everything. Just a person you want to come home to & can chat to ( this is after the thick end of 30years ) - just one opinion

RitaRitaRita · 21/02/2023 23:02

Find a man with good character. Someone who has a good heart towards others as well as you.

BoredBetsy · 21/02/2023 23:02

I'm not in a 'perfect' relationship but dh is generous, hardworking and genuinely cares for me. If your partner doesn't care about your happiness, then bin them.

MyMachineAndMe · 21/02/2023 23:03

Have a Google for green flags; they're kind of the opposite to the red ones and point out the things you ought to be looking out for in a partner.

Emmamoo89 · 21/02/2023 23:06

No Relationship is perfect

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 21/02/2023 23:06

Green flags
You can let your guard down and be a bit of a knob sometimes and it isn't used against you.
You can say something ambiguous of motive/tone (badly worded or whatever) and having the benefit of the doubt is the default assumption.
You can be a bit grumpy (bad day at the office maybe) and instead of being offended he asks what's up.
If you're planning a fun night out he wishes you a good night and asks if it was fun and is pleased if it was
Will be thoughtful even if it takes a bit of effort and it is of no direct benefit to himself, just to please you or make you smile.
Offers of help without being asked aren't unusual.
Reminds you of stuff you said cos he was listening
You want to do something like change your job, or try your hand at something and if you doubt yourself he cheers you on
He can tell you you look like crap when you're hungover/sick and it makes you laugh cos he's funny not mean.
Stuff like that

Sadlifter · 21/02/2023 23:08

Emmamoo89 · 21/02/2023 23:06

No Relationship is perfect

Mine is. I can't imagine ever being with anyone else ever.

user1471548941 · 21/02/2023 23:08

We are a team. We agree goals together and make plans and follow them together. We both put the collectively agreed outcome above self interest but we also both ensure that any sacrifices are balanced out- usually he
is more concerned about me and vice versa.

I chose someone that enjoys deep analytical conversations, that means we are able to have lots of chats about money/family/plans/our relationship/individual issues i.e. work. That keeps us on the same page and he actually enjoys the deep and meaningfuls.

He also makes me laugh a lot and reminds me not to take life too seriously all the time. My family were always very guarded against previous boyfriends I brought home but warmed to him immediately. He is the kind of person that makes others feel at ease in his company and people seek out his advice.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 21/02/2023 23:09

Takes constructive criticism well is a good one.
I knew mine was a good guy when his friend had an accident and he stayed with her and got her sorted and made sure she was alright and barely mentioned what he'd done as it was just what any normal person would do (I heard from someone else)

Pootleplum · 21/02/2023 23:10

He's kind, I can be completely unselfconscious with him. It feels like home when we're together. I trust him totally.

Anyoldfuckingusername · 21/02/2023 23:14

He's gentle, kind and loving, I always feel safe with him.
He listens to me, and when we disagree we reason it out together. He has never, ever raised his voice to me or been physically violent, and I wouldn't stand for it if he did.
He does little thoughtful things like buy me a bunch of flowers on impulse.
He holds down a good job and he's financially stable, has no debts, no addiction issues etc.
He still hogs the duvet though. 😉

Thesystemonlydreamsintotaldarkness · 21/02/2023 23:15

I wouldn’t say we are perfect; but we are happy. 20 years on I love DH more than I did then.

Green flags: no playing games: we were straight that we liked each other. Planning our future together: always have something to look forward to. Be kind to each other; always do things for the other person.

Mumof3teenagers · 21/02/2023 23:16

We’re not perfect, I’m sure no couple is.
We’ve been together 26 years and he’s still the first person I want to tell anything to.
He’s kind, caring, funny, a bit annoying but so am I. He’s a great father and a great son. He works hard. He’s helped me through some very tough times and always supports me.
Look for someone you can be yourself around and you don’t have to play games with. Someone who makes you laugh and cares about your happiness. That’s a good start.

BreviloquentBastard · 21/02/2023 23:17

He's a good communicator. He's not scared of difficult conversations and I've never heard him shout, he's so good at calmly talking things out - and he's understanding of my need to sit in my feelings for a bit before we talk about anything. So any problems we do have are resolved quickly and easily.

He's trustworthy and loyal. I've never doubted him, he's never given me reason to, and he trusts me implicitly in return.

He is genuinely invested in us, he makes time for us, he plans dates and activities, he tries my hobbies and encourages me to try his, he's constantly putting effort in to us.

He's a wonderful father, and the relationship between him and our daughter makes my soul sing.

He's my very best friend, I can't think of anyone I'd want to be stranded on a desert island with more.

Through all the ebbs and flows of a normal relationship, he's never wavered or faltered, he's always willing to give 90% if I can only give 10%, he's supportive of me but pushes and drives me to always keep striving for the best of me.

He's feckin gorgeous which is certainly a bonus.

He's just my person. I've loved him since I was 15 and will never ever stop.

PermanentTemporary · 21/02/2023 23:20

We've only been together 2 years but dp is very green flag.

Great sex, no stress, interesting, kind and pays attention.

Gets on with my friends and family because that's normal. It's not normal for it to be stressful to take a partner to meet friends or family, but I've had relationships where it is.

bellsbuss · 21/02/2023 23:22

He's not perfect but not far off it. He is kind , loving , caring and generous. He puts the children and i before him , he values what I do as a SAHM. He's an amazing son and son in law, he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, makes me laugh , picks me up when I'm having a bad day and to top it off he's gorgeous.

frozendaisy · 21/02/2023 23:24

I think he's hot.
He makes me laugh.
I am a better human with him in my life.

UsingChangeofName · 21/02/2023 23:32

As others have said, I don't think there is such a thing as a "perfect" relationship.

However, to even start a relationship with someone there would have to be a mutual respect. Really help if he made me laugh. Shared values (probably become clearer as the relationship developed)

mrsfollowill · 21/02/2023 23:50

No one is in a 'perfect relationship' but I've been with DH for nearly 30yrs. We are each others supporters 100%. When I met him I was at a stage in my life where I thought 'fuck the lot of them' had been in awful relationships/changed my behavior etc. Was 100% myself from the outset and thought he can like it or lump it this is me!
We look out for each other- always have - he can see if I need extra support- likewise I do the same. We are kind to each other. We argue sometimes but never insult each other. Tonight I'm a bit fragile as my poor old mum got took to hospital- I've been to see her- she will be OK but he was waiting and poured me a big G&T and ran a bath.
It's the little things but also the bigger picture. We have very similar values and morals. We also have the best time together and had an amazing sex life until menopause hit me. We will get our mojo back at some point I'm sure but for now it's on pause and he doesn't nag or expect anything. I kissed a lot of frogs before I met him but I think always 100% being honest/myself literally from day 1 is what had made it work. He is an open book too.

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