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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My boyfriend has a girlfriend

57 replies

LauraLion · 21/02/2023 19:49

I was with with my ex for nearly 5 years. We'd been arguing a bit, I was prepared to work through it, he wasn't, so we separated at the beginning of last year. Took me a long time to get over it.

A couple of months back he reached out and we met up. Fast forward to now and we've been seeing each other again, taking it slow but felt like we were sorting things out.

I found out today that he has a girlfriend that he's been with for around 4-5 months. I feel sick! I haven't told any of my friends or family as they weren't particularly impressed with the way he ended things or the fact we had started seeing each other. He doesn't know I know and has just text asking to meet up tomorrow. Shall I call him and tell him what an absolute arse he is? Block him without explanation? Tell the girlfriend?

OP posts:
AnotherCountryMummy · 21/02/2023 19:53

That's savage. I'm sorry to hear it.

I guess the silver lining is that you've found out early on rather than once you're back in deep and have told your friends/family.

I'd cut and run. Good luck.

KindlyKanga · 21/02/2023 19:54

I'd just ghost him

Clusterfunk · 21/02/2023 19:56

I’d tell the girlfriend, and then just ghost him. She deserves to know what she’s getting in to.

quietnightmare · 21/02/2023 19:57

If you want it to be over which you should as you deserve better

Just say your on a date tomorrow sorry and leave it at that

LilLilLi · 21/02/2023 19:58

Have you slept with him since he got back in touch? If so, tell her.

If not, ghost him. Leave him confused and wondering what happened.

ArcaneWireless · 21/02/2023 19:59

All you need to do now is to walk away from the clown.

And I would also be inclined to let her know what a clown he is too.

Original poster
LauraLion · 21/02/2023 19:59

@LilLilLi Yes we have quite a few times.

OP posts:
LilLilLi · 21/02/2023 20:01

Then I think you should tell her, I’d want to know.

If you have proof that you’ve been seeing each other (texts etc) ask if she wants to see them too x

PurpleFlower1983 · 21/02/2023 20:02

Tell the girlfriend, she deserves the truth, block, delete and move on!

Johnisafckface · 21/02/2023 20:07

My ex did the same with me (we slept together as well). I wish I'd known who she was so I could tell her. Last I heard they were moving in together soon, she's oblivious to his cheating ways. He's a vile human being and I wish her luck.

WentForAWalk · 21/02/2023 20:21

Yes, I'd tell her. She can then make her own mind up.

How did you find out ? Rock solid information?

Original poster
LauraLion · 21/02/2023 20:23

@WentForAWalk Through a friend. Told me the girlfriends name, I had a quick Facebook stalk and low and behold there he is plastered all over her page! Most recent post was a photo of them both from last week, with the caption 'My Love'.

OP posts:
Confusion101 · 21/02/2023 20:47

After reading your last post I would say definitely tell her. I wouldn't give him a chance to explain himself to be honest. I would tell her first and then say you don't want to see him, tomorrow or ever again and block him

Guavafish1 · 21/02/2023 20:54

Ghost him

ZaphodDent · 21/02/2023 21:01

"Hi GF, I've just discovered your BF is seeing you as well as me.

You're very welcome to him if you really want his cheating, lieing arse. He asked to meet me tomorrow at 7pm at xxxxx.

Would be a shame if you were there to meet him instead of me. You can let me know how fast his stupid chin hits the floor.

Take care of yourself, you deserve better. "

lovemypuppa · 21/02/2023 21:04

I'm probably a lot older than you, but if your friends and family aren't keen, I'd say you need to listen.

Original poster
LauraLion · 21/02/2023 21:28

I feel like she deserves to know but I also feel like things would be easier if I just walked away.

OP posts:
SomeareDeluded · 21/02/2023 21:29

ZaphodDent · 21/02/2023 21:01

"Hi GF, I've just discovered your BF is seeing you as well as me.

You're very welcome to him if you really want his cheating, lieing arse. He asked to meet me tomorrow at 7pm at xxxxx.

Would be a shame if you were there to meet him instead of me. You can let me know how fast his stupid chin hits the floor.

Take care of yourself, you deserve better. "

Brilliant idea!

Honeyroar · 21/02/2023 21:36

ZaphodDent · 21/02/2023 21:01

"Hi GF, I've just discovered your BF is seeing you as well as me.

You're very welcome to him if you really want his cheating, lieing arse. He asked to meet me tomorrow at 7pm at xxxxx.

Would be a shame if you were there to meet him instead of me. You can let me know how fast his stupid chin hits the floor.

Take care of yourself, you deserve better. "

I love this too!

of course it would be easier to walk away. But wouldn’t you want to know if you were in her shoes?

If you do decide to just walk away, at least give him w little kick. “Sorry, I’m walking away from this again. I don’t know exactly what it is, but there’s something about you that just doesn’t do it enough for me”.

Confusion101 · 21/02/2023 21:41

LauraLion · 21/02/2023 21:28

I feel like she deserves to know but I also feel like things would be easier if I just walked away.

You can do both. Ghost him, block him, tell her. Job done

Cosycover · 21/02/2023 21:54

I would tell her and block him

MsDogLady · 21/02/2023 22:08

Laura, she deserves to be informed…just as you did. He’s a self-serving, entitled user who gets a buzz from duping you both.

Tell her, cut him off, and don’t look back. Don’t give him the opportunity to serve up any more of his shit sandwiches.

AMA2023 · 21/02/2023 22:11

Been there
I messaged him pointing out he wasn't single , I knew and a few choice words and blocked
Let him shit himself for a bit
When he probably thought the dust had settled 2 days later I messaged his girlfriend with screenshots of texts and a video showing thousands of messages over the past year

She stayed with him but she knows

ButterCrackers · 21/02/2023 22:19

Tell him that you’re ending the relationship. Just say that it’s not working for you. Take care of you by being kind to yourself. I wouldn’t get involved with his other girlfriend by contacting her. Minimise any drama.

YoBeaches · 21/02/2023 22:19

You don't have to embroil yourself in drama if you don't want to.

I would message him and tell him that you don't want to see him anymore as it's not going to work out. Take the moral high ground and focus on your own needs.

If you feel you want to tell her then do. All he will do is deny it and it's her call whether to believe you or not. It will cause drama so decide whether you can be arsed dealing with that or not.

Sorry this happened. He's a shit and you are well rid.