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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My boyfriend has a girlfriend

57 replies

LauraLion · 21/02/2023 19:49

I was with with my ex for nearly 5 years. We'd been arguing a bit, I was prepared to work through it, he wasn't, so we separated at the beginning of last year. Took me a long time to get over it.

A couple of months back he reached out and we met up. Fast forward to now and we've been seeing each other again, taking it slow but felt like we were sorting things out.

I found out today that he has a girlfriend that he's been with for around 4-5 months. I feel sick! I haven't told any of my friends or family as they weren't particularly impressed with the way he ended things or the fact we had started seeing each other. He doesn't know I know and has just text asking to meet up tomorrow. Shall I call him and tell him what an absolute arse he is? Block him without explanation? Tell the girlfriend?

OP posts:

C1N1C · 21/02/2023 22:22

Yeah, if this was a cheating during a relationship thing, I'd say no, don't tell her... deplorable as cheating is, sometimes your eyes just find something better and it can't be helped.

THIS situation is him intentionally getting into a relationship while already being in one... which is waaaay worse. He deserves what you do to him.

Mango101 · 21/02/2023 22:24

YoBeaches · 21/02/2023 22:19

You don't have to embroil yourself in drama if you don't want to.

I would message him and tell him that you don't want to see him anymore as it's not going to work out. Take the moral high ground and focus on your own needs.

If you feel you want to tell her then do. All he will do is deny it and it's her call whether to believe you or not. It will cause drama so decide whether you can be arsed dealing with that or not.

Sorry this happened. He's a shit and you are well rid.

You must tell her - she needs to know she sleeping with a cheater, from a STD perspective!

Undermyumberellaellaella · 21/02/2023 22:27

Oh ffs, tell her and block him. That's the least she deserves.

OrlandointheWilderness · 21/02/2023 22:43

Please tell her.

Everyonesinvited · 21/02/2023 22:44

I would tell her and block him. Awful man.

Closetbeanmuncher · 21/02/2023 22:47

Agree with @Clusterfunk

Also get yourself tested to be on the safe side.

FiddleLeaf · 21/02/2023 22:51

I would send him the photo you’ve seen for shock value.

Please tell your friends and family. You don’t need to protect him and they can help you move on.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/02/2023 22:54

Text him a photo of the two of them, say never contact me again, and block him. Then tell her. The prick.

DatingDinosaur · 21/02/2023 23:04

I personally would screenshot the facebook post, text him it and tell him you and him are over.

I wouldn't respond to any texts or calls from him after that. He'd get a 24 hour grace period because I'd be curious to see if he came up with any excuses to justify his behaviour. After that - block.

I wouldn't bother telling her unless asked by her directly.

ohnoh · 21/02/2023 23:16

you poor thing what a horrible thing to go through
Please tell the girlfriend and then don’t respond to anything else
she deserves to know too

IrritableCowSyndrome · 22/02/2023 02:25

I'd be tempted to take a screenshot of a picture of him and her from her FB, then forward it to him and say someone sent it to you as they wanted you to know.

He will then panic that you will tell her!

Drinkinggreentea · 22/02/2023 03:13

Grim. What a pathetic excuse for a man. Definitely get yourself out of this situation without seeking confrontation with him because he's clearly fine with lying so you're not going to get closure with someone that bullshits all the time.

The kind thing would be to tell the other girlfriend but only if you have actual proof to give her (screenshots of texts with the date, voice recordings etc) because otherwise it's pointless and he will just deny everything and make it look like you're out to get him and you're mental. She may turn on you if you don't give her proof.

Zanatdy · 22/02/2023 03:15

I’d see him tomorrow and ask him how he feels about you, is this just sex etc? Then see what he says and tell him you know. I wouldn’t tell the other woman mainly as I wouldn’t want the drama

Lisa63836 · 22/02/2023 04:47

Wait, are you sure he has a girlfriend? If you didn't talk directly to her nor to him, how can you be 100% she is his GF and not just some friend or collegue? People are sometimes talking bulsht. I would first make totally sure it is truth and if it is that he is such an immoral person to meat two at the same time, it's up to you what you will treat him like for these lies.

Magnoliamarigold · 22/02/2023 05:11

LauraLion · 21/02/2023 21:28

I feel like she deserves to know but I also feel like things would be easier if I just walked away.

Tell her, tell him, then walk away and block. He'll get pissed off at you but you ignore it all and enjoy the win ;)

JPG21 · 22/02/2023 05:43

I'd tell the GF and provide proof Tbh.

seasaltsprayismyjam · 22/02/2023 07:16

Send him a screenshot from her page and a screenshot of your texts to her. Then block them both.

GoodChat · 22/02/2023 07:18

Zanatdy · 22/02/2023 03:15

I’d see him tomorrow and ask him how he feels about you, is this just sex etc? Then see what he says and tell him you know. I wouldn’t tell the other woman mainly as I wouldn’t want the drama

Or see what he says then ask him really calmly the same question about her and watch him squirm.

Greenfairydust · 22/02/2023 07:45

Tell her.

No woman should be deceived like this.

Tell her and ghost/ghost that useless cheat.

Tuilpmouse · 22/02/2023 08:16

I'd definitely tell her.

I couldn't stand the thought of the lying arsehole getting away with it and just carrying on with his gf as though you and him hadn't happened.

Also, it's not fair on her. She should know.

None of this stops you from ghosting him...

Tuilpmouse · 22/02/2023 08:19

Aquamarine1029 · 21/02/2023 22:54

Text him a photo of the two of them, say never contact me again, and block him. Then tell her. The prick.

Tell her first... Don't give him a head start to get in before you!

Princesssuperstar · 22/02/2023 10:28

Tell the girlfriend, arrange to meet up then message him agreeing and what time to come round...... make sure you have your phone to record his reaction when he walks in and sees you both sitting there. I actually met a now close friend this way and we still laugh about it

Silvergone · 22/02/2023 11:17

Message her saying “Hi, I’ve just found out from social media that my boyfriend XYZ is also dating you. I thought you ought to know that he and I have been in a romantic and sexual relationship for months. Obviously I’m now dumping and blocking him and what you do is up to you. I wish you all the best.”

Then block both of them. No drama, just send one text.

Cinecitta · 22/02/2023 11:20

I would let the girlfriend know because I’m sure she is unaware, just like you were before. In fact I would let all of his friends and acquaintances know. Then I would block him and would continue with my life not giving a hoot about him.

TurtleTriplets · 22/02/2023 11:38

I agree with everyone else. Tell the girlfriend before she settles down with this loser and has kids.

Send as much proof as you have and then block him. She can do as she pleases.

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