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Original poster

Am I being lied to AGAIN?

64 replies

wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 09:55

Morning everyone. Last month,I caught my husband messaging another woman inappropriately.
We have two very young children so we sat down and discussed everything, neither of us want a divorce so we have been working through things. He blocked this woman the night I saw the messages of his own accord and he did it infront of me.

Trust is shaky at the moment but I had a real gut feeling that I couldn't shake so last night, I looked through his contacts and she was unblocked.

I woke him up and confronted him and he said he 'has no idea how she could have reappeared' and 'it must have been something to do with syncing'.

I've never had this problem. Also, syncing doesn't unblock someone - he's lying to me isn't he?

OP posts:
nc1013 · 19/02/2023 09:57

I don't really know how "syncing" works but I'm sure someone else will.

Without knowing the technical details it doesn't sound good to me OP. What a horrible situation for you Flowers

Courgettecity · 19/02/2023 09:59

Yep, that's a lie, it doesn't work like that.

winterbegone · 19/02/2023 10:00

Yes he's lying

FunnyWorldWeLiveIn · 19/02/2023 10:03

You don't trust him. Got good reason. Do you really wanting to be living like this? Sneaking onto his phone checking messages.
I would leave.

Naunet · 19/02/2023 10:03

Course he’s lying. He must think you’re an idiot, show him you’re not. X

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 10:03

I need to get my ducks in a row I think - absolutely no reason to have her there!!! They don't work together she's a nobody!!

OP posts:
LilLilLi · 19/02/2023 10:04

Yes he’s lying.

You deserve better x

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 10:05

@FunnyWorldWeLiveIn it hasn't been easy and no way do I want to be one of those women who live their life checking their husbands phone. I hadn't up until that point, I had a gut feeling and went with it

OP posts:
growgrowinggrown · 19/02/2023 10:09

You were incredibly kind in giving him that first chance, and it didn't give him the short sharp shock back into reality it should have.

Unfortunately it showed him that you will cry and get upset, but ultimately forgive him and carry on as normal.

So now you've taught him you'll forgive, he will do it again and expect the same result. Fuck that! Get yourself organised and leave him. He didn't change, he won't becsuse they never do.

I know it's so much easier said than done when it's not your life blowing up, but there are thousands of women who have done what you're about to, and they come out of the other side and are better for it.

Maze76 · 19/02/2023 10:11

@wonderingharriet It depends, if he only blocked in Whattsapp and not from his contact list, then she could still message him. Blocking a contact won’t remove them from your contact list

Maze76 · 19/02/2023 10:12

But yeah- she is obviously still in his contacts on his phone

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 10:13

@Maze76 he blocked her then unblocked her I think as the syncing story sounds like bullshit

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 19/02/2023 10:15

Does it really matter?
He is a cheat. You will never 100% trust him.
Can you live your life second guessing/constantly checking him.
I don't think so.

BalloonInvestigator · 19/02/2023 10:15

His contact with this woman means more to him than you do.

Maze76 · 19/02/2023 10:16

It does look that way,
I’m sorry, I’ve been in your position and it’s awful- I found my ex’s messages to his AP on his iPad.

nc1013 · 19/02/2023 10:18

Maze76 · 19/02/2023 10:11

@wonderingharriet It depends, if he only blocked in Whattsapp and not from his contact list, then she could still message him. Blocking a contact won’t remove them from your contact list

This is a good point

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 10:28

@Maze76 it's so shit isn't it

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 10:29

@BalloonInvestigator no messages but could have been wiped. If he wasn't messaging her then her contact wouldn't be there I think

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 11:52

@growgrowinggrown I felt like I had to give him another chance, especially with kids involved which is why it's blown my mind that the contact is still there! Not sure if they have been messaging but I just don't know what to think!

OP posts:
Whydidimarryhim · 19/02/2023 12:01

He’s not cut contact has he. He’s a liar and a cheat.
Is this the life YOU want.
Would this be the life you’d want for your daughter.
Would you want your sons to think it’s acceptable to treat their partners like this. 🌺

GreyCarpet · 19/02/2023 12:02

Tbh, I had a friend who blocked someone on WhatsApp but then received a message from them. I just accepted it could he a glitch because it made no difference to me.

However, if he'd been serous about no further contact, he'd have deleted messages, blocked all methods of contact and deleted her number. He didn't do that so he'd already left the door open for further communication.

And you've discovered that,o once the trust is broken, the damage has been done.

I'd leave because however much you think you need to make am effort for the children, this way you are thinking and feeling now, this is how you are always going to think and feel now and that's no way to live for anyone.

Opentooffers · 19/02/2023 12:12

To easy was the unprompted display of blocking her at the time. If it's whattsapp, you could if tried installing the last memory backup which would reinstate an messages received till the last automated backup- maybe try this ( though it backs up quite frequently so might be too late now).

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 12:30

@Opentooffers for a second I was pleased that I couldn't see any messages but then those thoughts of 'but why else would her number be there unblocked' came into play

OP posts:
Godlovesall26 · 19/02/2023 13:42

Numbers don’t go unblocked on their own. However it depends if he blocked her everywhere - which is what you’d expect someone to do if you don’t want more contact, so I’d agree it doesn’t sound great.
Syncing is the opposite afaik, your devices sync to all block same way

Godlovesall26 · 19/02/2023 13:44

Godlovesall26 · 19/02/2023 13:42

Numbers don’t go unblocked on their own. However it depends if he blocked her everywhere - which is what you’d expect someone to do if you don’t want more contact, so I’d agree it doesn’t sound great.
Syncing is the opposite afaik, your devices sync to all block same way

I have all Apple btw, I don’t want to say something wrong that could have such important implications for you. That’s how my devices work. I’m not an expert

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