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Original poster

Am I being lied to AGAIN?

64 replies

wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 09:55

Morning everyone. Last month,I caught my husband messaging another woman inappropriately.
We have two very young children so we sat down and discussed everything, neither of us want a divorce so we have been working through things. He blocked this woman the night I saw the messages of his own accord and he did it infront of me.

Trust is shaky at the moment but I had a real gut feeling that I couldn't shake so last night, I looked through his contacts and she was unblocked.

I woke him up and confronted him and he said he 'has no idea how she could have reappeared' and 'it must have been something to do with syncing'.

I've never had this problem. Also, syncing doesn't unblock someone - he's lying to me isn't he?

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 13:50

@Godlovesall26 he blocked her on WhatsApp. I also have iPhone same as husband. I've blocked people in my contacts in phone address book and not on WhatsApp as I have had convos on their with them.

She is still in his contacts. He 'blocked' her on WhatsApp and now she is unblocked. No messages, no sign they are speaking, no evidence.

I wanted to make sure I wasn't wrong in thinking that people don't just become unblocked magically

OP posts:
Humanswarm · 19/02/2023 14:22

So, the blocking was on WhatsApp, and she's now unblocked in WhatsApp? That doesn't happen. Syncing is bs. Besides, blocking on WhatsApp means nothing does it? To have a person on WhatsApp, with their name etc, means that they are in your phone contacts. So, contact never stopped. Its possible he hasn't messaged her, merely using it as a way to 'stalk' potentially. Who knows. Ultimately the trust is gone though.

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 14:31

@Humanswarm yea sorry I might now have explained very well. She WAS blocked when all this came out in the wash and now she's unblocked. I couldn't see any messages but there would be no other reason to keep her contact there especially unblocked and especially that we could have divorced over this so if he isn't messaging her it doesn't make sense?

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 14:50

I also forgot to mention - it would seem that she has blocked/deleted my husbands number as she has no photo. Which makes it even weirder that he has her number

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 16:05

Any tech savvies here - if he blocked and deleted her contact would a sync bring the contact back and unblock?

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 19/02/2023 16:42

Honey does it really matter? He is a cheat!

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 16:45

@ZekeZeke yeah, it does. Because it makes no sense. If he isn't infact in contact with her then the number would have been deleted and stayed deleted, correct? I just don't understand how a number can just magically reappear unblocked in WhatsApp

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/02/2023 16:57

Of course he’s lying
I’m so sorry
the only think that unblocks is pressing the ‘unblock’

jasper333 · 19/02/2023 16:58

I've been in very similar situations like this with the same guy and you know in your gut he's lying, just hard to accept someone would do that to you.

Some people can lie to your face, once they've done it the once, it doesn't matter if they keep lying.

Sorry OP, he sounds snakey.

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 17:00

@Thisisworsethananticpated I'm starting to process that you're right...he wouldn't have it just there, in his contacts for no specific reason would he? I don't know like some sort of sick trophy or something.Or do you think he's keeping it there to contact her? Because it is pretty pointless and damned stupid to be there!

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 17:02

@jasper333 it hurts so bad doesn't it
..yeah maybe it's because I'm scared to accept it. I thought we had been doing ok? He was really putting the effort in so to see her number has been like a bomb exploding again. That's why I'm asking why he'd have it there for zero reason etc

OP posts:
jasper333 · 19/02/2023 17:11

wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 17:02

@jasper333 it hurts so bad doesn't it
..yeah maybe it's because I'm scared to accept it. I thought we had been doing ok? He was really putting the effort in so to see her number has been like a bomb exploding again. That's why I'm asking why he'd have it there for zero reason etc

My ex would save her number under different names, he was caught out twice texting other women and it was only by chance. First time I saw a text pop up, and the second time he was actually leaving me and blaming me for the break up, but I trust my gut, checked a device which I hadn't don't since the first incident 5yrs before, and there was intimate info about another woman on it.
He would lie to my face and then when busted with evidence, he would go silent. He has never given me any explanation for his behaviour, I think that's so cruel.

Once you block someone on WhatsApp they are kept under the blocked list in the settings, but the contact can still appear in the phones usual contact list, if it's iPhone. I've just checked a blocked contact on mine.

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 17:15

@jasper333 so so so sorry that you've been through that, that's horrific. Yea I have contacts in my iPhone contact list that are blocked but I speak to them on WhatsApp from time to time. She was unblocked in his WhatsApp contacts. However, her photo had gone so maybe she had blocked him? Which makes even less sense that he would keep her number?

OP posts:
jasper333 · 19/02/2023 17:39

wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 17:15

@jasper333 so so so sorry that you've been through that, that's horrific. Yea I have contacts in my iPhone contact list that are blocked but I speak to them on WhatsApp from time to time. She was unblocked in his WhatsApp contacts. However, her photo had gone so maybe she had blocked him? Which makes even less sense that he would keep her number?

Yes that means she has blocked him if there is no picture.

jasper333 · 19/02/2023 17:42

To me from this perspective it sounds like they aren't done and are playing games, as in he blocked her, so she's got the hump and now she's blocked him.

Do they have other ways to message, such as social media?

On Instagram you can send a message, then 'unsend' once it has been read, so if you check out a message thread it could be completely empty (this was how the second online affair was conducted in the case of my ex)

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 17:42

@jasper333 that's why it makes even less sense to me why he has her number, if someone has blocked me, it makes it even easier for me to get rid of there contact details

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 19/02/2023 18:14

One thing stands out to me from your messages, you said "she's a nobody!" well, obviously not to him. He knows the risks to his relationship with you, and still thinks she's worth it

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 18:16

@Oopsiedaisyy well yeah she is clearly there for a reason but she has blocked him so what's the point?

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 19/02/2023 18:21

He's hoping she'll come back, forgive him perhaps?

Original poster
wonderingharriet · 19/02/2023 18:25

@Oopsiedaisyy it is just really hurtful and confusing - apologies I'm just trying to voice how I feel outloud I might not make much sense - he blocks her. Then unblocks whenever (as it seems the syncing excuse is bull) so he has her number in WhatsApp, lying there, seeing that she has blocked him. So why not cut his losses and delete it? They can't be talking if she's blocked him?? Plus, he knows how things have been here at home, he knows how hurt I was so to have a number of her, just sat there for what seems like no reason, is just pointless?

OP posts:
Oopsiedaisyy · 19/02/2023 18:29

Not if he has feelings for her

Choconut · 19/02/2023 18:47

He blocked her to make a point to you. She saw that he'd blocked her so she blocked him back. He then unblocked her in the hope that she will unblock him.

How doe he know her and what sort of messages was he sending?

dumpling12 · 19/02/2023 18:47

jasper333 · 19/02/2023 17:39

Yes that means she has blocked him if there is no picture.

Show quote history

Not necessarily, you can change settings on WhatsApp so only contacts can see the picture. So she may have deleted him but not blocked him.

and no sorry OP updating or syncing doesn’t unblock people 😕

dumpling12 · 19/02/2023 18:49

Also, if you have someone blocked on WhatsApp, even if you delete their number from your contacts, the number itself will still be saved in the WhatsApp blocked contacts list. Just not under her name, just the number itself.

dumpling12 · 19/02/2023 18:55

If there are any details of hers visible such as last seen, online. About status, then she has not blocked him. Even if none of those things are visible, it may not necessarily mean he is blocked, it depends on her settings. The only way to categorically know if someone has blocked you is if all the info is not showing and when you send a message it only displays one tick.

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