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Relationships

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Original poster

My partner doesn't ever want to marry me

98 replies

MillyDo · 14/02/2023 18:33

Hi,
We've been together for years- I don't want to out myself but basically he knows how much I want to get married and completely refuses . I haven't proposed or anything but hinted I guess. He says I'm an amazing woman but won't marry me. Why? Is this normal?
I know marriage isn't for everyone but we've been together a long time.
He moved into my home years ago. He's really generous and has practically brought my kids up. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this.
He definitely has his faults with other things, sorry TMI but basically he doesn't like me farting around him as it puts him off. Things like that. Not sure what to do moving forward. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:

Noonesperfect · 14/02/2023 22:44

Farts aside. Is it marrying you he'd never agree to? or marrying anyone full stop?

Carryonroundthecorner · 14/02/2023 23:20

DH farts in a morning so loudly the next door neighbour will be able to hear (thin walls). Part of me thinks it could be mistaken for early morning trumpet playing. Either way, we are going to look pretty weird. He also loves the pull my finger gag.
We are still married, despite this.
To come back to the OP...
I would have to list good points versus bad points and think about if marriage is really that important.

Citycentre3 · 15/02/2023 00:15

FinallyHere · 14/02/2023 18:53

If he really did move into your house, wholly owned by you, then he sounds like the financially weaker party. In which case, I salute him for not wanting to become your spouse and be entitled to 50% of your assets in the case of divorce after a reasonably long time of marriage.

Why do you want to put your children's inheritance at risk by marrying him?

EXACTLY!

Deadringer · 15/02/2023 00:22

I dunno op if your children are more or less grown up and you don't have dc together, from a purely practical point of view is there really any point getting married. Normally on threads like these I would say give him an ultimatum but he is clearly happy with the status quo and you and your dc are better off as you are so why bother?

notangelinajolie · 15/02/2023 00:24

He says doesn't want to marry you. And one of the reasons he has given is that he doesn't like you farting around him. Please tell - what other reasons has he come up with?
I think if someone objected to me farting in my own house, I'd be telling them to fart on out of my life.
Not being flippant but this doesn't sound like love.

notangelinajolie · 15/02/2023 00:27

.. and to save yourself and your children from losing 50% of everything, I think you are most definitely better off unmarried.

Eleganz · 15/02/2023 03:36

Has he been married previously?

I've been very clear with my partner that I won't get married. Done that once and had to go through a divorce after he cheated on me and don't ever want to go through that process again if it all goes wrong.

IWineAndDontDine · 15/02/2023 06:18

MySugarBabyLove · 14/02/2023 20:33

There’s no right or wrong answer tbh.

Unless you own a house and children together marriage really is a pointless exercise. Because if you live together and are happy then nothing is going to change if you marry him. Marriage isn’t all romantic bliss, once you’re living together it’s just a piece of paper really when you don’t have any shared assets or children.

I don’t want to get married again either. Been there, done that. But now I’ve been with my partner for ten years I don’t see the point. He would have liked to once, he still would, but he doesn’t really see it as that big a deal either.

As for the farting thing, it surely depends. If a woman posted here that her dh was constantly farting around her people would say he was a disgusting pig. The fact that the OP has mentioned it and feels that it shouldn’t be an issue makes me think she’s not talking about an occasional accidental fart but that she makes a habit of doing it which is disgusting.

"A habit of doing it" as if it's voluntary hahaha.

Imagine being so unrelaxed around your partner you can't let one rip when you need. My mum held them in for 15 years with my dad, they are divorced now and she farts all the time. Poor gal must have had such bad trapped wind

rexythedinosaur · 15/02/2023 06:39

Well he's made it very clear that he doesn't want to marry you.

I don't think you can hold that against him. He hasn't strung you along - he has told you exactly how it is for him.

So it's up to you to do with that as you wish. Stay with him unmarried, or don't stay with him.

He's not doing anything wrong. You can't change his mind so it's your decision if you're OK with it or not.

It sounds like you do want to get married, so maybe he's not right for you, OP.

Campervangirl · 15/02/2023 06:53

My oh confessed that he didn't want to get married, we had a rough plan for next year abroad, he's been the driving force for us finally getting married, I've been looking at dresses, been together 15 years as soon as he said he'd changed his mind a flick switched in my mind and I thought that's it I'm out.
So we've parted ways, I want to get married, always have but now I realise that I've been good enough to live with all these years but not good enough to marry.
I know for some people marriage is a piece of paper but to me it's that final commitment and I wanted to be his wife.
I'm heartbroken tbh but for once I'm putting my needs first

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 15/02/2023 07:02

‘He has his faults’ in that he doesn’t like you farting around him? That seems pretty normal. No one wants to sit in a haze of someone else’s farts, it is really off putting.

FinallyHere · 15/02/2023 08:11

@FawnFrenchieMum

I’ve never really understood why people who live together for ‘years’ suddenly want to get married.

We got married nearly ten years after buying a house together, when I calculated how much inheritance tax I'd have to pay, to continue living in our jointly owned home, if he died.

No tax is due on transfers between spouses.

Oakbeam · 15/02/2023 11:22

No one wants to sit in a haze of someone else’s farts, it is really off putting.

The fart thing is really weird. I have a mental picture of the OP as a Viz character’s sister. Jemima Fartpants.

Bluefave1 · 24/02/2025 00:06

MillyDo · 14/02/2023 18:33

I wonder the same . Been together 11 years now. If he won't marry soon then I am sorry but see you later

AlexandrinaH · 24/02/2025 00:19

Oakbeam · 14/02/2023 18:40

he doesn't like me farting around him as it puts him off

Off what? His dinner?

To be fair, I would hate this as well! Luckily my husband has never done this around me - even after 20 years together. It would put me off as well 😂

AlexandrinaH · 24/02/2025 00:23

maranella · 14/02/2023 18:58

Why is there no vomit emoji?

Show quote history

🤢🤮

There you go!

AlexandrinaH · 24/02/2025 00:29

don't blow it on the wrong man

I thought you were talking about the farting 😂

AlexandrinaH · 24/02/2025 00:30

Sweet89 · 14/02/2023 21:36

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I love the smell of my farts

Show quote history

So does my 8 year old 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Leafy74 · 24/02/2025 06:11

This can be a funny place sometimes. This man is generous, has brought up somebody else's children as though they are his own and doesn't want to get his hands on the women's money.

The response of some mumsnetters, leave the bastard!

He sounds like quite a nice bloke to me.

jubs15 · 24/02/2025 07:12

Your house, your rules. If you need to to fart in your own property, then do so. If it puts him off then he can be reminded he's putting you off by refusing to get married. Works both ways.

Orangesinthebag · 24/02/2025 07:19

Does he have his own assets too?

What is his relationship history, has he been married before?

ThisFluentBiscuit · 24/02/2025 07:55

Eyerollcentral · 14/02/2023 19:13

Because he thinks you are good enough to live with OP bit for whatever reason not good enough to marry. Sorry to be so blunt but that’s the long and short of it. He has had his cake and eaten it moving in to your home and given you no security as a return. If he really loved you of course he would marry you.

I'm not sure the last sentence is true. Marriage really scares some people, with good reason. It can destroy you. You can be the best partner in the world but it won't stop someone cheating or being a really bad spouse if they want to. The divorce lawyer James Sexton said marriage is like owning a lion: The chances are high that someone is going to get really really hurt. My parents had a long, bad marriage and so did I. It wouldn't matter how much I loved someone; I would never marry again. In fact, not marrying would be a sign of my love because it would be too precious to me to ruin it with the terror that is marriage.

OP, did his parents have a bad marriage? Has he had a longterm difficult relationship?

Marriage isn't for everyone and we should stop pretending that it is.

ThisFluentBiscuit · 24/02/2025 07:57

Re. the farting, I used to go into the bathroom to do it, including if we were in bed. Easy solution.

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