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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH hasnt come home

64 replies

Seriouslywhy1 · 14/02/2023 03:32

I don't know what to do this is very unlike him. DH went out at 1 to see a friend and have lunch, drinks but he is normally back by 6/7. I've just got up to settle ds and noticed he's not back. No bars near me are open until this time on a Monday. I don't have the phone number of the friend he went out with but when I ring DH he's not picking up. I'm really worried he has a moderate learning disability and struggles with directions and understanding things and I normally help him day to day. I'm worried he's passed out somewhere or worse. What can I do if he's not back by the morning? As he's an adult I am not sure the protocol but I think the police will take into consideration his disability. I'm really worried

OP posts:
Cleanthatup · 14/02/2023 03:40

Oh gosh, what a situation you poor thing. Honestly if it were me I’d drive to the friends house and see if he’s there, if not then I’d retrace his steps and contact the police.

yukkamumma · 14/02/2023 03:45

Sorry to hear this, what a worry. If your dh is usually a reliable guy, I'm betting he's on his pals sofa zonked. Do you drive and know where the friend lives? I'd go over. Drunk men are notorious for this, it's not easy not to feel sick with worry though. Hope he surfaces soon, he'd be in big trouble here!

Luckingfovely · 14/02/2023 03:50

Can you track down the friend via social media or mutual friends?

Hopefully he's just sleeping it off somewhere.

junglemaze · 14/02/2023 03:54

Have you tried the app "find my phone"
Go through your phone to see if you can trace his.

Summer2424 · 14/02/2023 04:05

@Seriouslywhy1 i also think you could drive to the friend's house.
Hope he is ok xx

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/02/2023 04:13

So driving to his friends isnt an option given that you have a small one who is in bed, I did indeed read your OP.

All you can at this stage is message on every app you both use....messenger, Whatsapp, text etc and ask him to contact you ASAP as you are very worried. If you hear nothing more by the time you (and he) would normall be up, then I would contact the police.

Thinking of you

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/02/2023 04:14

Given that the OP doesnt have the friends number, why would she know where the friend lives?

Kedece2410 · 14/02/2023 04:20

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/02/2023 04:14

Given that the OP doesnt have the friends number, why would she know where the friend lives?

Why would she not? I can think of several people who are friends of my partners But I don't have their phone numbers I don't have - why would I - but I know exactly where they live

yukkamumma · 14/02/2023 04:22

I know where all my exs friends live and never had a single number, why would I? If my husband with LD was missing my child would be getting lifted into the car for an adventure. I read it fine

Munches · 14/02/2023 04:46

Oh my goodness. What a worry for you.
What time was you expecting him home? I would be attempting to get his mates phone number- face book messenger
maybe? That’s if you know his surname?
Was you not able to get hold of him earlier- if he’s usually back by 6 or 7?

X

GemmaFoster · 14/02/2023 04:50

If he is vulnerable & this is out of character then call 101. Non emergency police. What a worry for you.

MichelleScarn · 14/02/2023 04:53

Definitely 101 non emergency police, what about local hosp re any unknown males admitted? Feels a bit dramatic but at least doing something?
If he has just gone out and got pissed I would be incensed at his lack of thought for you.

ChrisPPancake · 14/02/2023 04:54

You don't have to wait to report someone missing, especially someone who would be considered vulnerable. If you're worried about his safety call 101.

Original poster
Seriouslywhy1 · 14/02/2023 04:56

Yeah I have a 9 month old who's got a cold ATM, and has just decided he's up for the day. I don't have social media. I've got some of his friends numbers but not this friend as we don't get along (he's a sexist prick) but DH likes him so I don't mind him seeing him every so often. I think your right he's prob on his sofa he's very easily swayed so his friend has probably done it on purpose to wind me up. If I don't hear anything back in next couple of hours I'll get Ds in pram and go knock on his door I don't drive (doing my lessons atm) so it's a 20 min walk. Thanks everyone i was just worried with it being unlike him. Either way DH will be having a stern talking to.

OP posts:
smileladiesplease · 14/02/2023 05:00

Hope it's all ok op do let us know.

The friend sounds like an idiot. If dh is on his sofa don't let the friend see you are angry as he'd enjoy that.

Talk to you dh about it in private

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/02/2023 05:02

So your DH is easily swayed by a man who will get his kicks by pissing you off and then gloating about it afterwards? Yep, he will be on that arseholes sofa.

Normally I am not on the side of "laying down the law" but given that your DH has LD, I think that in this case he needs someone to be on his side and protect him from this arsehole. I wouldnt go nuts, but a serious conversation needs to be had.

dizzydizzydizzy · 14/02/2023 05:11

HOpe your DH is ok. As PPs have said, when you do find him, have a serious talk.

user1492757084 · 14/02/2023 05:17

For next time: ask for phone number of friend. Ask that dh calls if changing his plans. Remind him that you will be worried if more than two hours late and you might send police searching for car accidents because you and dc care about him. Dh is a father now so make sure he feels like his tasks and contributions to the child's care are appreciated, needed and missed when he is absent or too tipsy or tired.
Install a where is my mobile phone to both your phones.

autienotnaughty · 14/02/2023 05:24

Hope everything is ok xx

MichelleScarn · 14/02/2023 05:43

If your DH is easily swayed by a man who will get his kicks by pissing you off and then gloating about it afterwards, and happily goes along with it, I would still be absolutely raging with him, as it shows he's more bothered about the relationship with this friend than you or your child.
It would be very, very hard for me to forgive this behaviour.

Elderflower14 · 14/02/2023 06:19

Hope he is soon home.. ♥

kateandme · 14/02/2023 06:20

maybe with his ld he wouldnt get the telling off. so would a "what would nyou do if i disappeared for the night line might help him see this more clearly.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 14/02/2023 06:27

Hope he comes home soon, and you managed to rest.

Ladybug14 · 14/02/2023 06:38

Gosh what a worry for you. Fingers crossed all is OK

GoodnightJude1 · 14/02/2023 06:39

Hope everything’s ok OP. What a worry for you 💐