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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH hasnt come home

64 replies

Seriouslywhy1 · 14/02/2023 03:32

I don't know what to do this is very unlike him. DH went out at 1 to see a friend and have lunch, drinks but he is normally back by 6/7. I've just got up to settle ds and noticed he's not back. No bars near me are open until this time on a Monday. I don't have the phone number of the friend he went out with but when I ring DH he's not picking up. I'm really worried he has a moderate learning disability and struggles with directions and understanding things and I normally help him day to day. I'm worried he's passed out somewhere or worse. What can I do if he's not back by the morning? As he's an adult I am not sure the protocol but I think the police will take into consideration his disability. I'm really worried

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 14/02/2023 06:52

Are you ok OP ?

TokyoSushi · 14/02/2023 07:01

Let us know that he's ok OP, hopefully you find him very soon.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/02/2023 07:09

What a horrible situation to be in.

To be honest, I'd stay at home with the little one, in the warm. Call the police, explain the situation and ask them to go and visit your DH's friend. Might give him the message about how serious this is.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/02/2023 07:09

And please keep talking and let us know you're OK.

GoodChat · 14/02/2023 07:11

I hope he's home OP. There was a thread not long ago from a woman with an ND DH and in similar circumstances he'd got locked in a car park so wandered around for hours until it was unlocked.

FrenchandSaunders · 14/02/2023 07:16

Is he due at work today!

Original poster
Seriouslywhy1 · 14/02/2023 07:25

Hi yes he rang me he's waiting for a taxi back home. He's very apologetic kept saying how he can't believe he did this and kept asking if Ds is ok. He's not done this before I think he had a drink and cuz his tolerance was so low with not drinking much and tired as Ds is teething maybe he just passed out at his friends. I'll ask full story when he comes back I've told him I want his friends number for the future. He has no risk awareness so it could have turned out allot worse. The friend was a group he used to hang out with as a teenager and DH and friend are only remaining members as sadly allot of them commited suicide, overdose etc. That's why I kinda don't want to stop them seeing eachother. Normally friend just makes sure DH gets in a taxi when they meet up which is only a couple of times a year. Friend is a dick to me but he loves DH u can tell. DH tries really hard with Ds but has to ask me for direction and can sometimes get it wrong but he really wants and loves being a dad and Ds loves him. Will crawl to him over me allot. Sorry I'm waffling I'm just so relieved he's ok. I'll have a full talk with him when he gets in. I'll give ds some noisy toys and do it hushed. Thanks all for the reassurance.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 14/02/2023 07:28

Good news !

sleephelp2022 · 14/02/2023 07:31

MichelleScarn · 14/02/2023 04:53

Definitely 101 non emergency police, what about local hosp re any unknown males admitted? Feels a bit dramatic but at least doing something?
If he has just gone out and got pissed I would be incensed at his lack of thought for you.

This is an absolute must!

My ex never came home one night. Turned out he'd been in a fight, taken to hospital and then back to the police station. The hospital wouldn't tell me why he was there (confidentiality) but they could confirm he was there.

sleephelp2022 · 14/02/2023 07:32

sleephelp2022 · 14/02/2023 07:31

This is an absolute must!

My ex never came home one night. Turned out he'd been in a fight, taken to hospital and then back to the police station. The hospital wouldn't tell me why he was there (confidentiality) but they could confirm he was there.

Show quote history

Sorry OP, I hadn't seen your update

ClairDeLaLune · 14/02/2023 08:29

Ah OP that’s great news. Your DH sounds very sweet. You definitely need the friend’s phone number for the future and the Find my Phone app. Also the map on Snapchat is good.

Pirateships · 14/02/2023 08:46

Friend is a dick to me but he loves DH u can tell.

I expect his friend knew exactly what he was doing then, ew. Glad he is safe.

musingsinmidlife · 14/02/2023 08:57

Glad your DH is safe. Given he gets confused, does he have a card in his wallet with his info and your contact information so someone can reach you should they need to?

pinkyredrose · 14/02/2023 09:25

Glad he's ok. Have you ever asked him why he wants to be friends with someone that's horrible to you?

Cocobutt · 14/02/2023 09:53

That’s great news :)

I would be annoyed that he hasn’t texted to let you know he’s staying out and I would tell him next time that he needs to send a quick text.

But I would then let it go.
We all make mistakes and there’s no point you having your day ruined because you are angry or upset with him.

GoodChat · 14/02/2023 09:55

pinkyredrose · 14/02/2023 09:25

Glad he's ok. Have you ever asked him why he wants to be friends with someone that's horrible to you?

She's said why. They had a friendship group where quite a few have committed suicide. I'd suspect there's some trauma bonding there. It's very sad.

rainbowtwist · 14/02/2023 10:02

I'm glad he is home OP, I think you were right to worry but I also think you are handling it right by not trying to stop him seeing this particular friend.

Tricky situation all round but I'm pleased he is home safe and well.

Goodread1 · 14/02/2023 10:07

Hi Op

Is he socially awkward like Geeky/Needy type ect

I am just wondering cause it sounds like he could be maybe?

rainbowtwist · 14/02/2023 10:10

Goodread1 · 14/02/2023 10:07

Hi Op

Is he socially awkward like Geeky/Needy type ect

I am just wondering cause it sounds like he could be maybe?

And your point is?

Mammyloveswine · 14/02/2023 10:23

Goodread1 · 14/02/2023 10:07

Hi Op

Is he socially awkward like Geeky/Needy type ect

I am just wondering cause it sounds like he could be maybe?

Jesus Christ!!! Wtaf?!

Op had said her DH has some mild learning difficulties to give context to the situation.., we don't know why, it could be the result of an accident or illness or if it's to do with following directions etc could be due to or related to a condition, doesn't matter the point is op was concerned about this out of character behaviour especially as her DH would be considered quite vulnerable,

Pleased he is safe and well op.

monsteramunch · 14/02/2023 10:32

Goodread1 · 14/02/2023 10:07

Hi Op

Is he socially awkward like Geeky/Needy type ect

I am just wondering cause it sounds like he could be maybe?

Why have you asked this?

Beaverbridge · 14/02/2023 10:45

Great news lovely.

Intrepidescape · 14/02/2023 11:06

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What on earth has this got to do with anything?! Why would ss be involved?!