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Original poster

About to leave my boyfriend… quick replies please!

52 replies

Lilally · 13/02/2023 19:00

Hi everyone,
so I’m about to end things with my boyfriend over text. He is absolutely amazing and I know he feels so strongly for me, we’ve not been together long - only 5 months.
The reason I’m ending things is because he never wants children and I do, and it doesn’t seem right at my age (29) to be in a relationship that has no future.
I’m absolutely devastated.
The reason I’m doing it over text is because he’s working away at the moment but is coming to see me tomorrow for Valentine’s Day. As horrible as I feel doing this the day before Valentine’s Day, I know that ultimately it is kinder than having him make the long journey to see me when I need to end things.
Any advice on what to say? And advice to deal with the guilt (I know this will really hurt him), and I don’t know how I will move on from the most perfect guy I’ve ever met (besides not wanting children)

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 13/02/2023 19:03

Dear [insert boyfriend name here]
If you bought me anything for Valentine's tomorrow I hope you kept the receipt.
Please delete my number.
Lillally

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/02/2023 19:03

Can you not even do him the decency of calling? Do you think he’s bought you anything- honestly I’d prob hold out until a weeks gone by.

Kranke · 13/02/2023 19:04

I think it’s kinder to do it face to face, but at the very least call him to explain.

Lavender14 · 13/02/2023 19:04

I'd at least facetime him if he's as decent a guy as you say?

Wrongsideofpennines · 13/02/2023 19:05

At least call him. Don't do it via text.

PaediaSureShake · 13/02/2023 19:05

Bloody Hell, how would you feel if someone you loved dumped you by text?

padsi1975 · 13/02/2023 19:05

Good God, don't do it by text! I think you owe him face to face.

watchfulwishes · 13/02/2023 19:06

It is seriously unkind to dump someone by text unless you've reason to be angry/afraid.

You owe him a phonecall.

You simply explain that children are a deal-breaker and you don't want to waste his time or your time. You can say nice things about him in general.

Well done for cutting your losses rather than hoping, this shows good sense!

MiaMoor · 13/02/2023 19:06

You’re right to leave him, you both want different things, but for the love of god don’t do it by text, that’s awful!

Towntroubadour · 13/02/2023 19:06

I think you owe him a call at least. Even if you text beforehand that you need to talk to him.

BethDuttonsTwin · 13/02/2023 19:06

PaediaSureShake · 13/02/2023 19:05

Bloody Hell, how would you feel if someone you loved dumped you by text?

Absolutely prefer it. Don’t have to put a brave face on.

Zingyzangy · 13/02/2023 19:08

Don’t text! At least give him the decency of doing it over the phone or by video call!

Shapemyeyebrows · 13/02/2023 19:08

@Lilally why don’t you text and say you have been thinking that as you have different life goals, as much as you like/love him would it not be best to end things now? Doesn’t have to be a dumping text as such, see what he thinks too

Naunet · 13/02/2023 19:09

I think you need to call him, tell him what you’ve told us. Be prepared for him to say he might change his mind or something along those lines, and have a reply ready. It’s horrible, but after 5 months, I do think the right thing is to call rather than text. Good luck!

Desmondo2021 · 13/02/2023 19:13

Have a lovely day tomorrow with himz see how you feel in a week. Bring up the subject as a conversation rather than you dumping him. Will be less hurtful to a guy who doesn't deserve it, who you seem to be very fond of

Inkpotlover · 13/02/2023 19:13

It's right to walk away if kids are a deal breaker but if you care about him as much as you say, give him the courtesy of picking up the phone to tell him! How would you like to be dumped by text the evening before Valentine's Day?!! Poor bloke.

LividNC · 13/02/2023 19:16

I would much rather be dumped by text.

Tell him the truth. You need to make a decision based on your whole life and the children. Thing is a dealbreaker.

(be prepared that he will tell you he’ll reconsider it and he won’t actually, he’ll just string you along until it’s too late).

ZeppelinTits · 13/02/2023 19:17

Does he know how strongly you feel over kids? Did you mention you wanted them early on or did he spring on you later he didn't want any? Have you discussed it already with him? How certain is he that he doesn't want them?

I think you are posting here because you don't really want to leave him. You've given yourself an arbitrary deadline of tomorrow because of V day but you don't need to rush to make a choice, think about it in your own time and communicate with him! Maybe you can find some resolution?

Beachhutnut · 13/02/2023 19:21

Can you say you're I'll and put him off coming and then finish it face to face in a week or so?

Ofcourseshecan · 13/02/2023 19:23

Do tell him you love/ like him a lot but you know for certain you want to have children. So if he doesn’t, it’s better to break up now. Thanks for the happy times, all good wishes.

Doing it today is better than letting him pour out his love and then be devastated.

FT123456 · 13/02/2023 19:27

I was going to reply what others have already mentioned. If you really can't do face to face because of the distance thing I would least give a call and if he's still up for it then maybe a face to face to discuss things over properly. If he is a decent guy that's the least he deserves

Fightingbackwithhappiness · 13/02/2023 19:28

Does he know? I mean, Have you actually talked to him about how strongly you feel about this? If not, and if he really is a great as you say, you should really do that before finishing with him. You owe it to yourself and him.

juliettesmother · 13/02/2023 19:37

Don't do it via text. That is very cruel.

Put in your big girl pants.

Call him, and explain.

LittleLegoWoman · 13/02/2023 19:41

You’re doing the right thing OP. It’s actually not a complicated conversation.
’You’re great and I’ve really enjoyed being with you. But I want kids, and you don’t, so it’s not going to work. I need to be with someone who wants a family too. Goodbye and goodluck.´

LittleLegoWoman · 13/02/2023 19:42

I don’t think it matters whether you do it via text or not to be honest. It isn’t a conversation. You’ve made a decision and you’re telling him what’s happening.