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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He won't tell me her name

88 replies

Avatarstoo · 13/02/2023 09:58

I asked my boyfriend where his Tourmaline healing necklace was as I had not seen it since the first few weeks we had been official. He said he got rid of it to a friend who needed it more and we looked at each other for a bit and he wouldn't elaborate.

I have since asked him multiple times who did he give this necklace to. He refuses to disclose the woman's name. Now I know 100% that he has met this woman since we were official to give her this necklace and the scary thing is I did not know this meeting took place. He now claims someone came with him to meet her. He claims it was before we were official though I do remember seeing the necklace at his house after we were official.

He says this person was destructive and was going into rehab but he needed their friendship out his life so he met them and gave them the necklace as he no longer needed it so they could heal and move on from the friendship. He claims he has been 100% faithful since we have been together and says he would never lie.

I told him last night that he is single now as he does not have the decency to tell me this person's name and be honest.

He is going to video call me later. Now it is clearly an ex lover. I just don't get why he is so cagey and I have said this to him. Why could he have just not been honest and told me at the time or now? What questions should I ask him later?

I would be upset to part ways but need a man who is going to be honest with me.

OP posts:
Lookingoutside · 13/02/2023 14:57

Avatarstoo · 13/02/2023 11:06

Is it usual for people to meet their friends and not mention it causally to their partner?

Yes.

Bitofhelpoverhere · 13/02/2023 14:59

I don't know if there was a goodbye kiss as closure

Grin
BridieConvert · 13/02/2023 15:00

JizzlordTheCat · 13/02/2023 12:00

I fully believe in the power of tourmaline.

In my case, when worn by a man as a necklace, it makes my vagina clamp entirely shut.

Move on, OP. You don’t trust him.

😂😂😂

Aurorabored · 13/02/2023 15:01

’I asked my boyfriend where his Tourmaline healing necklace … He said he got rid of it to a friend who needed it more’

It’s a tale as old as time …

Original poster
Avatarstoo · 13/02/2023 16:35

I worked it out, it is someone he had a short term relationship with which ended 4 months before his closure. I do remember him saying he posted a goodbye letter through her door at the time but he never mentioned the necklace. He always seems scared to mention her name. I don't know why as they were a past relationship before I was on the scene and if that closure has helped him move on the surely his happiness is important. Just don't know why he is frightened to mention her. I met her once and she seemed nice but she dumped him because they were from too different backgrounds and she only wanted a fling and he wanted more.

OP posts:
stripedsox · 13/02/2023 16:35

No doubt everyone bitching on here feels so much better now.
Op get on with your life, he's an ex and he needs a better relationship for him just as you need a better one too.

GoodChat · 13/02/2023 16:37

He's not over her OP.

butterfliedtwo · 13/02/2023 16:38

Avatarstoo · 13/02/2023 11:06

Is it usual for people to meet their friends and not mention it causally to their partner?

it is if they're given the third degree for meeting mates. I wouldn't be telling you either.

Warringstars · 13/02/2023 16:41

If this is a real issue, I think you have been very controlling and I suspect that’s the reason he’s been taciturn. Why would it be “scary” that you didn’t know he’d been to meet someone? I think it’s best, particularly for him, that the relationship ends.

LauraNicolaides · 13/02/2023 16:45

Just don't know why he is frightened to mention her.

To be honest your posts on this thread seem to contain a clue.

ninjasnap · 13/02/2023 17:09

You're not responding to any of the advice you've been given though, just posting monologues with self-awareness.

You sound controlling and immature, and unable to take on board what people are saying here.

ninjasnap · 13/02/2023 17:09

*ZERO self awareness, obviously

buttercupboots · 13/02/2023 17:25

ninjasnap · 13/02/2023 17:09

You're not responding to any of the advice you've been given though, just posting monologues with self-awareness.

You sound controlling and immature, and unable to take on board what people are saying here.

Well to be fair, most of the comments on here don't contain any advice and aren't constructive.

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